No matter where I go,
or who I am
I'll still be sitting here
on a swing set watching the stars
kicking my legs higher and higher,
trying to make it around the world with you.
Its unfair, it really is.
So terribly unfair that I got all the way here
to another year without you.
I feel like I should be whole at this point,
I've been rebuilding for nine years
but, I'm still broken from the day you shattered.
I'm no longer human without you,
I c an't bear the idea of losing someone
as important as you were.
How can I be whole,
if most of me is with you,
my final piece.
If people made up the stars,
and part of me is still convinced they do
Then yours would have fallen by now,
and I've been desperately
trying to follow along
please, slow down and let me burn with you.
Why does it still have to hurt?
Its over with, done with
but even now I don't want to believe its true
I've needed you so much.
But what am I supposed to do
when you're just, gone?
I can forgive but I can't forget
because every time I look around
I see you and its not fair
everything around me is different
Its all changed, except for me.
I'm still the little girl you've left behind.
No one stays young forever
I'm not seven anymore, and
you're not the wonder woman I hoped you'd be
and I guess thats okay now.
But its over with, done with
I'll let you sink back into remission.
No matter where I go,
or who I am
I'll still be sitting here
on a swing set watching the stars
kicking my legs higher and higher,
trying to make it around the world with you.
May 15, 2014
May 15, 2014 at 4:13 PM UTC
I look at people, and I see them.
Just as everybody else can.
But when they look at me,
I sit pretty and turn transparent.
Glass walls like these
they've got nothin' to hide.
All these things I've carried
are open for anybody to see
At least I try to be,
mostly to make myself believe
that my walls are
made of planes of glass
But beneath these fragile layers
a titan, a protector hides
ready to defend me,
its one true master.
He protects my inner turmoil,
my secrets, my fears, my past.
He protects me, and
my glass walls protect him.
I've got nothing to hide, I'll say.
I've got everything to hide, I know.
Lies run through these veins,
and I smear pages with that blood.
I could never be so honest,
in my little reality.
Not as honest as the blood
that marks these pages.
The pages so carefully curated,
and filed away, in pristine condition,
deep beneath my walls of glass
where all my truths lie.
Jan 26, 2014
Jan 26, 2014 at 12:50 AM UTC
I couldn't count the days and nights,
the many hours I've spent waiting for you
hoping that maybe one day you’d be there,
sitting with me watching the sun and stars pass by.
And even though I’m still not ready to face my new reality,
I’ll always see you in the sun and stars
as they lead me with the ghost of you
reminding me of you at every corner.
Even if there is no beat to your heart,
or a breath of air in your silent lungs
I can still hear you, feel you,
even after all this time.
I've tried to convince myself that you are gone
but the ghost in my memory still haunts me
your presence will always be felt, it will
be a part of me until my own dying breath.
You’re the figure in the mist beyond my vision
but still I can see the shadows
from the light peeking out just behind you,
I reach out but I’m caught in quicksand,
sinking, sinking, sinking
But now I've shielded myself from it, the pain,
I’ve got my very own set of armor
That I’ve built and enhanced over the years
but every set of armor has its chinks.
Maybe I’m climbing a mountain
or running an endless marathon, and I’m so tired
and weary of constantly reaching and running,
trying to get myself back to you.
Nov 30, 2013
Nov 30, 2013 at 3:34 PM UTC
When you find something you like
you go after it, you chase it
and when you catch it
and hold it in your hands
you instinctively hold it close,
so it will never go away
and you cherish it, and care for it
this beautiful thing that you adore
that you would go to the ends of the world for.
And if it wants to go,
you let it go.
And if you love it,
you’ll go after it and follow it
Because you’re no longer whole without it.
It’s a complicated thing,
to love something.
You become emotionally bound to it
tied to it, with ribbons
that either strengthen
or deteriorate with time.
And when its time to move on
you’ll feel it, and when
you feel the next step coming
you’ll take it.
Because you’re no longer whole without it.
And thats ok.
Nov 30, 2013
Nov 30, 2013 at 3:30 PM UTC
Morning breaks across
the far horizon, she awakes
the world with her grandeur
you rise up at the ready
to face any challenges you may meet
The face of dawn is here
Soon afternoon will come
bringing with him the midday sun
who burns long and bright
with a caresse to your skin
in the form of beautiful warmth
Noon will come to pass
NIght learned to crawl
within his mighty black coat
you send praise to the noonday sun
as a simple thanks
for the day now long gone
The night has arrived
“Farewell kind sun, thank you
I’ll be sad to see the day go.
But I’m happy to embrace the night
as I need to move on
thank you for your time”
You think as you look for sign of tomorrow
You’ll be back again tomorrow
for as long as the day goes on
for now it is time to face the moon
who holds the promise of dawn
so let it go, come, fall asleep
and I’ll wake you when dawn is due.
Jun 7, 2013
Jun 7, 2013 at 1:13 PM UTC
You see motion surroundingyou
like you're in the eye of a hurricane
stillness becomes your friend
when you want to disappear
No one will speak to you,
or seemingly notice you.
You stoically put up with it
when you really want to be seen.
You hide and you cower
behind your frozen facade,
but you yearn for more
you whisper to yourself "notice me, please."
You want to stand out
in the open air, and
show yourself, but its too late
you are already alone.
Jun 7, 2013
Jun 7, 2013 at 12:44 PM UTC
I feel like a child.
Sat in a playpen,
given only a ball.
I'm reined in, I'm deprived.
They tell me its fun,
that I need it.
So surely I've been let down.
To be sat in a pen,
with naught but a ball.
And I've been told to play.
I'll sit and stare at you dumbly.
You need not repeat yourself.
You need not attempt to make me play.
I promise your request will fall on deaf ears.
But give me pen and paper,
and I can make words fly.
I'd make them soar to me, take me away
from this empty, dreary playpen.
They'll take me mountains away,
entire oceans away from here.
They'll take me to see a different sky.
But I've been told to play.
Sitting in a dreary and empty playpen
with nothing but a ball.
When I know my words, want for them
to take me away,
and let my mind loose.
So I can be free.
Jun 1, 2013
Jun 1, 2013 at 7:43 PM UTC
Death is inevitable,
pain is everlasting.
You will never overcome death
pain you cannot escape.
Some fall very slowly,
from the very start to finish;
others fall faster
as though their ties have been cut.
I've lost you let go of you
I could not catch you
as you swirl down farther
out of my screaming reach.
I didnt notice
where you were going,
oblivious to the fact
that you would leave me behind
I know you can't promise me
that one day you'll come back
to relieve the pain
that holds me, binds me close.
One day i know I'll be there
in the darkness above or below
I will stand up
and I will not be alone.
I'll leave the world
the one I know behind,
to travel to a new place
and start all over again.
I'll slowly fade away
into everlasting bliss
and slip away from time
and space.
The years will feel like centuries
the months tick away like a decade
every day of my life will feel like a year
with the hours like the months.
But for now im content
with falling slowly
with a parachute on my back
towards the inevitable...
Jun 20, 2012
Jun 20, 2012 at 5:39 PM UTC
I dream of the day
when someone will ask me
that one question ive waited for
...Are You OK?
No i will say
i am not
ill lookdown
and Ill cry my life away
I will scream and shout
laugh and cry
but my answer
would be only in my eyes
No i will say
i am not
ill look down
and Ill cry my life away
No one pays attention
tries to help or understand
If they do ask me that questions
Ill sit down in shock
No i will say
I am not
Ill look down
and Ill cry my life away
Because no one
cares enough
to ask me that question
...Are You OK?
Jun 20, 2012
Jun 20, 2012 at 5:34 PM UTC
I'm falling down
with no one to catch me
falling into the river of dreams.
Where I float
hoping someone will find me.
Until them I am all alone
with no one to talk to,
no one to laugh with,
no one to cry with.
For I am alone
floating in the river of dreams.
Jun 20, 2012
Jun 20, 2012 at 12:59 AM UTC