for the greater good, for both of us
//I'm never gonna live you down//
when you looked at me you stuck there
in my eyes, my torn up hands
and if I don't fall you'll push me
and if you don't speak I'll cry, my ribs
are cracking from the weight of you **//you ******* knew it too//** so
I am angry I am lonely you are ripping me apart
when you touched my face my love I knew
//it's brutal from the start//
and I am trying to be docile
I am trying to be kind
**//I am angry I am lonely in my heartland
you are mine//**
for the greater good, for both of us
I love you //or I tried//
Jun 15, 2016
Jun 15, 2016 at 11:23 PM UTC
last time I saw you it was dark
your hands on my waist (your head in my hands)
we were quiet, like the empty road,
do you miss my voice? did it heal you?
for years we have been gods at war
(the sea and the shore, or something)
in your hands I found my beating heart so
what did I take from you?
last time I saw you it was dawn
your hands on my face (my head in the clouds)
you never meant to love me and I never meant to stay
(from the bottom of my heart you're what I've always wanted anyway)
it's the end of times (the worst of times)
did you hurt me? does it show?
on the streets of our hometown our hands are star-crossed
(worn down)
for years we have been gods at war
the sea and the shore
the ghost and the moor
you sicken me (my heart, my throat) and I'll never let you go
it's been years and you are winning
(and I wish you luck, I always do)
our hearts, star crossed, in the morning light
was it good to let me go?
the last time I kissed you I opened my eyes
did you see me? did you know?
(your voice was soft and the sky was blue)
I never knew I loved you till you loved me too
Jun 14, 2016
Jun 14, 2016 at 6:01 PM UTC
i don't write anymore
when i am alone (and i am mostly
alone) i spit at myself and it does not stick
i'm a cruel and spiteful host i grew up in a suitcase so when winter comes
i pack my things. get ready. get ready
on the edge of the bed i wait for it
i don't have time to spare
anymore
when i am alone i want nothing more than this low hum in my ears remind me
pick up the leaves from the ground, oh god, and pack them
bring them with you
i'm a cruel and selfish god (i grew up stuck with unstuck roots)
and i don't write anymore
pick up the seeds from my hands, oh god
i don't have time for them anymore
(i'll never learn to plant them and
they'll never stick
not really)
Nov 24, 2015
Nov 24, 2015 at 9:44 PM UTC
when god closes a door he opens a window
so home is a ghost town, open your eyes
(I see right ****** through you)
so neverever leave me neverever stay
tripwire tourniquet (I never meant to be this way)
when god puts his foot down he takes your hand
in scripture in the starlight - here
I'm better better lost than loved
(when god kills a flower he rips it by the roots)
so I neverever left you (cause I neverwoulda stayed)
I hope I pray you didn't love me that way
so my ghost sits in the kitchen and
(someday I hope you'll run)
when the river comes give up, my love
(I'm gone I'm gone I'm gone)
when god builds a home he buries it
red cheeks sad eyes (I neverever meant you to stay)
Jul 20, 2015
Jul 20, 2015 at 9:44 PM UTC
it's a miracle
(you said you said)
it's dark, unmade
in your backyard we're only young, halfway there
infant hearts and hardened hands
we're only floating, only here and (I
remember it forever)
you asked me where I see the stars I said
in you, my love (always)
I guess our time is spent, so (I,
I always knew it anyway)
in your backyard we're starving, new and so
(in breaking we are clouds
unfurled)
I guess for the rest of my life, my love
(I'm blowing smoke) I'm moving on
we are only children, only young
in looking we are u n b r i d l e d
(so hold my wrist and I'll hold you)
it's a miracle
(I know I know)
so this isn't what I wanted or
this isn't what you meant
and I guess
for the rest of my life, my love
I'm spitting tar I'm holding strong
it's a miracle you said you said and
(I never was as
pretty as the sky)
Jun 17, 2015
Jun 17, 2015 at 1:33 AM UTC
this is the flower on your dashboard
it's dark outside and (across the street there is a light) you're staring
at the stars
-there's a line- they say
-so be honest, be brave-
(and you've never seen it but you say -okay-)
you made a promise that night that night
(my head was heavy so
I nodded and sighed)
you know I'd never hurt you like that my love I'm all talk (all
words and nothing else)
this is a cigarette lighter
I've always wondered how people give things up for good
across the street there is a light (and you
are talking to) the dirt
unbridled untethered undone I know
-take a break- they say and you say
-okay-
I'm a wreck I'm a wreck I know I know
I'm sorry for dragging you into (me)
this is a lock (and this is a key)
forever for always or something
in the backyard baby when the rivers rise you know I neverever meant it that way I know
it's dark outside (there's a line there's a line)
and there's nowhere to go from here
you love me you love me you don't know where I've been
(-give it up- they say
and I say -okay-)
so you don't know me and I don't know you so turn your back and listen
this is the line so
be honest
be brave
-make a mark- they say and you say
-okay-
Jun 8, 2015
Jun 8, 2015 at 4:14 PM UTC
- the mornings are dark and you get into your car asleep. mist on the windshield and mist in your eyes. the night is not over and you are not yet grown. the grass is frozen in your headlights and you park your car asleep.
- clocks bigger than your face loom on the walls. they are all two minutes fast and they are faces too, somehow. (except the one down in the back gym. he is an eye and he strikes six every hour.)
- the thunder of footsteps. the thunder of bodies and voices and wind through open doors. you can feel them in your bones but when you open your eyes you are alone and the halls are dark. water rushes from the classrooms and you swim.
- your teacher says that god has brown eyes. when the lecture ends she bares her teeth. (you could swear they're pointed but you've never seen her up close.) her eyes are grey, like yours, she says. so you don't worry.
- in the art room your teacher draws circles on the whiteboard. one inside the other - ringlets, a bullseye. a girl in the back of the class has wild eyes and green hair. she smiles like she knows something and you drop your gaze.
- pencils break in your fists. the halls are a river and you don't know where it's going. your body is a raft so you close your eyes and you don't know where you are.
- you touch hands with the girl from art class. she smiles like she knows something and you shudder. she feels warm inside, like a song, like a comet. you take her hand and hope.
- you sit in the back of the class and the windows shudder but they hold. your teacher says that god walks on all fours and you grimace. books close around you as she lowers herself to the ground.
- your car is asleep and you are dead on your feet. your teacher is gone the next day and the substitute tells you beauty is in the eye of the beholder. you nod your head and you don't know where you are.
Apr 14, 2015
Apr 14, 2015 at 6:43 PM UTC
i swear i never wanted you
i'm a wreck, a wreck
(i'm sick of being anything else)
promise me you love me
(not love, not love) just
cyanide proximity
your word is all i've ever wanted
love is different than want, i think
so let me be, promise me
you're a part, a part, you're
something i forgot so
find a friend in me
cause at the end of the day (i'm just sick,
sick and tired)
we were just a time
I was just a person
and you were just a person (who was kind to me)
Mar 29, 2015
Mar 29, 2015 at 6:53 PM UTC
out to sea, out to sea
in my mouth, in me this is
merciless
from the heartlands I'm forsaken, the earth
the heart of (e t e r n i t y)
out to sea, out to sea
from the ripples from the waves unleash me
I am (f r e e)
(f r e e)
(f r e e)
from the shoreline I am lost but I can hear water
running
out to sea, out to (s e a)
my god these mountains were the last of their kind
when I fall below the water will you
(f o l l o w)
(m e)
and my love, my love, my midnight heart will (r o c k a w a y)
from your window I am lost but I can hear water
running
(b r e a t h i n g)
(f r e e)
Mar 19, 2015
Mar 19, 2015 at 11:04 PM UTC
-slow hearts, grey skies-
in my dreams my heart is hallowed ground
dirt fills my veins and I am weighed down
home bound
I was never part of anything like this red earth
ocean eyes
in open fields in rain clouds
god's hands fall from -slow hearts- grey skies
I never wanted what was good for me
all empty stomach, water heart
I'm not angry anymore so
-g g g g godspeed-
in rivers, rivers, in the back woods bethlehem
my hands are buried and we're slow hearts
-grey skies-
in my mouth gods hands
pull prayers from empty lungs
I know I never wanted faithful, I never wanted good
empty empty water heart I'm slow steps
grey eyes
-I'm opened up and holy I am bare before the sky-
if there's nothing left for me here then
-g g g g godspeed-
someday here before daylight there are slow hearts
grey skies
somewhere in the badlands I am burned, all wasted time
maybe I'll come home someday
-but my g g g g god I never wanted goodness anyway-
Mar 9, 2015
Mar 9, 2015 at 8:53 AM UTC