one cut
two cut
three cut
four
i watch the blood drip from my wrists to the floor
five cut
six cut
seven cut
eight
the blood flowing and rushing makes me feel faint
nine cut
ten cut
eleven cut
twelve
cut for a little then cry some more
thirteen cut
fourteen cut
fifteen cut
sixteen
the blood is starting to show through my jeans
seventeen cut
eighteen cut
nineteen cut
twenty
pain is the only thing i feel
fifty-nine
seventy-six
eighty-three
ninety-nine
i'm starting to lose track
one-hundred
i've finally decided to end it all and pick up the gun
Apr 24, 2020
Apr 24, 2020 at 11:51 AM UTC
my wrists are bleeding and cut
im screaming and begging for help
can't you see all the things im doing to me
i just want to cut and cut and bleed
i dont feel the pain
i just see the red thats seeping through my sleeve
im tired of feeling this way all the time
knowing i’ll never get better
i just miss when i used to feel at my prime
now all i know is emptiness and a never ending lifetime
and feeling like it’ll never get better
i want help, i really do
but i know it won’t stop me from feeling blue
all the happiness that i ever knew
gone,
feeling like i’ll never see it through
Jan 6, 2020
Jan 6, 2020 at 10:27 PM UTC
the trail is endless, the fog is surreally beautiful, calming but unnerving
i’m continuously picking at the barren ground for something that i might recognize
but it all keeps drizzling through my fingers like sand
wait, i found something
i can hold it, but i can’t make it out, it’s too blurry
no, no it's slipping through again
“please don’t leave me. please.” i say, as it slowly changes from solid to goo to gone
i look around me, still trapped in here
the void in front of me ******* me deeper and deeper in
when can i escape?
when will i find my way out?
wait, i think i hear someone calling my name
it’s getting louder and louder, i turn around and around but can’t see anyone
“hello, hello”, i call back
my name is being screamt louder and louder, my ears are beginning to hurt, my vision is darkening
am i leaving now? am i finally going to return?
my body feels like it’s being thrashed around. this pain, it won’t end, why won’t it end?
“i love you.” my eyes flutter open, and my vision is clearing up. in front of me is my mother,
and she’s weeping.
I got lost in my head again.
Dec 17, 2019
Dec 17, 2019 at 9:32 PM UTC
-... .. .--. --- .-.. .- .-. / -.. .. ... --- .-. -.. . .-. / --- -.-. -.. / -.. . .--. .-. . ... ... .. --- -. / .- -. -..- .. . - -.-- / .--. - ... -.. / .--. .- -. .. -.-. / -.. .. ... .-. --- -.. . .-. / .. -. ... --- -- -. .. .- / .--. ... -.-- -.-. .... --- - .. -.-. / -.. .. ... --- .-. -.. . .-. / .-- .... .- - / . .-.. ... . / -.. --- / .. / .... .- ...- . / - --- / -... . / -.. .. .- --. -. --- ... . -.. / .-- .. - .... / ..-. --- .-. / .--. . --- .--. .-.. . / - --- / -. --- - .. -.-. . / - .... .- - / .. -- / -. --- - / --- -.- .- -.--
Dec 13, 2019
Dec 13, 2019 at 9:20 PM UTC
when i see you
i look right through your eyes
i get lost in those beautiful brown eyes
i feel like i’ve been lost for days
when you take my hand,
i fall in a different daze
i feel reassured,
i feel your presence always there
when i talk to you,
i cherish every word you say
can we continue ?
will we last forever ?
yes, i know so
our love will go on forever
can you promise me that it will be forever ?
and do it all for the sake of us
i will help you when you are stranded all alone
will you help me ? yes, because that is what we do
and we do it it all for the sake of us
but i do it mostly because i love you
Dec 13, 2019
Dec 13, 2019 at 8:43 PM UTC
she watched slowly as her mother came later in the night
and her father no longer came home after work
and her sister sleepover at her friend’s house
and her brother lock himself in his room the thumping of the bass vibrating both their walls
and she saw as no one showed up at their weekly sunday brunches.
or when no one was there for breakfast
and no one showed up for dinner
and she never saw her sister anymore
and when she knocked on her mother’s bedroom door in the morning there was never a response
and she missed it,
she missed sunday brunches with her family and no one missing out because her father was the best cook in their family
and when she baked cookies or a big coconut cake for just the five of them on friday nights,
because the were watching the james bond movies or the lion king series all in one night
and she missed it,
because now on sunday mornings she got takeout from ihop and sat at the table alone
glancing at the clock till it read 1.00 and then she picked up the other four plates and washed the clean plates anyway, and on friday nights she’d bake a cake anyway with no one there to eat it.
Dec 13, 2019
Dec 13, 2019 at 8:39 PM UTC
she always knew what was wrong
didn't need to ask twice,
hugging until her problems were gone
for her to let go
and for them to come flooding back
she was hurting herself,
in ways unspeakable,
wanted to be gone
to end all her misery
hiding away in a black hole
she dug for herself
she thought haven't I had enough?
she was done, she thought
but she knew it wasn't the answer
to go away
she tried to stay
but it wasn't working out that way
she tried to get help
they just made it worse
she went to therapy after therapy
one time her psychiatrist told her,
“maybe life isn't for everyone”
as she was about to let go
rope tight around her throat
all the good memories came rushing back
as she was about to get down,
the chair slipped ...
and the rope tightened, her air feeling faint
before she realized, it had been too late
Dec 13, 2019
Dec 13, 2019 at 8:27 PM UTC