Its about one in the morning
I know I have to get up at 7
I wish I was knocked out snoring
I told myself I’d go to the gym at 11
I guess I can never keep a promise to myself
There are so many things I should do
But I just put **** off and keep it on a mental shelf
Why can’t I ever follow through
I told myself I’d tell you I liked you weeks ago
But then I figured that you wouldn’t care
You’re always with your friends for all I know
If I told you I bet you’d just stare
I told myself I’d get in shape this year
But surprise I actually gained weight
Being fat again is the worst thing I fear
This week I’ve tracked all the calories I ate
I told myself I’d try to stay in a relationship
But two weeks in I freaked and ended it
I got too annoyed kissing your lips
I can’t pretend to be interested in this ****
I told myself if other people are happy dating
Then I could probably be happy too
But I’m not comfortable with anything more than a fling
Monogamy just isn’t something I can do
I told myself I’d get my **** together this time
Yet I’m snorting addies at a Philly party
Then proceeding to cry about how I’m
Such
A
Piece
Of
****
Feb 1, 2016
Feb 1, 2016 at 1:31 AM UTC
For the first two months of college I didn’t speak
Convinced everyone here are hillbilly freaks
Then you asked to borrow my paint brush
Long brown hair in a bun and brows so lush
I gave it to you in a heartbeat
Because you were the first person I thought was neat
Im still not sure how I got so lucky to befriend you
I’ve never felt a connection this real and true
When we sit in the forest smoking **** and cigarettes
And you’re still wearing the same paint covered sweats
Singing to Rihannon by Fleetwood Mac
I felt myself gaining my soul back
I can’t decipher what’s hiding behind your dark brown eyes
But your passion for art is as tall as the skies
You inspired me to change my point of view
Maybe this place isnt so bad, who knew
Your kindness cracked my heart’s thick shell
And painted the lines with shades of pastel
No boy ever told me they cried when they moved away
Your open and truthful soul makes everything ok
The freckles sprayed on your cheeks are like artwork
That’s a companion piece to your crooked smirk
I cried thinking we would drift apart once school’s done
But you told me we’ll always be friends in the long run
So
Thank you
Thank you for being my friend
Thank you for being who you are
Feb 1, 2016
Feb 1, 2016 at 1:30 AM UTC
What is it
Is it my height
Is it my weight
Is it my hair
Is it my smile
Is it my nose
Is it my stomach
Is it my thighs
Is it my laugh
Is it my voice
Is it my personality
Is it my thoughts
Is it my opinions
Is it me?
Jun 6, 2015
Jun 6, 2015 at 10:54 PM UTC
I am abrasively myself forever and always
I come off as an awkward, perverted, introverted lady
I tend to overthink everything anyone ever says to me
I am heavily affected by things other people aren’t
I put deep meanings on things I shouldn’t
I believe every word of my horoscope to give myself a little hope for the day
I cling to my remaining friends with all of my strength because I am already lonely enough
I am a hopeless romantic but pretend I’m not cause I gotta keep up my reputation
I have a reputation for being hard to talk to but easy to get into
I want someone to love me so sometimes I believe if they get into me they’ll love me then
I know that is a stupid idea but I just can’t help thinking it because its called making love right
I get angry very quickly if people don’t reciprocate my friendship at the same level I give it
I tend to ride a tidal wave called depression that has its ups and downs
I plead with my head every day that I don’t go under and drown
I hate hurting someone’s feelings even if by accident I will never forgive myself
I don’t care if you hurt my feelings at all I have my walls built up so don’t worry
I have compassion flying out of my chest for even the most spoiled rotten people
I will take a bullet for a stranger if given the chance because they deserve to live
I don’t know if I deserve to live though sometimes I truly wonder
I still miss the people whose friendships I have lost even if it was years ago
I believe every human being is good despite their obliviousness and their selfishness
I do my best to help my single mother even when she doesn’t see it
I love my little sister like my own child and I take care of her like it
I have passion for everything I do from my job to just being in school
I grew up way too fast and I get angry because no one can understand how I think
I guess its because I have no father and try to take care of my mother and myself
I think I may be one of the only kids who do that
I was not born into a wealthy family my mother is a grocer and my father was a jeweler
I have more pride for my parents than kids whose parents are CEO’s and business people
I believe I have learned more about being a good person than people who are handed it all
I would rather die than do nothing with my life
I could never live with myself if I didn’t put others before me
And I wouldn’t want it any other way.
Oct 7, 2014
Oct 7, 2014 at 8:50 PM UTC
If there is one thing I will always be grateful for,
It is how I was raised and who I am.
My mother taught me that there is no such thing as a *****
And if I am called that by anyone not to give a ****
My ****** expression and who I decide to let inside me,
Does not define who I am and my worth.
People may not like what I do and won’t always agree,
But my sexuality is as natural as grass growing in the earth.
And probably the biggest double standard ever,
Has to be the praise men receive when they’re laid.
They get called “badass” and “stud” when they pull off that endeavor,
But if women do the same they are met with lots of shade.
The saying it takes two to tango comes into play here,
Because if a man’s getting laid so is the woman.
So let’s get **** shaming to disappear,
Because after all we are only human.
Oct 7, 2014
Oct 7, 2014 at 8:49 PM UTC
I wake up in the morning and put on a pretty dress,
My goal is to stun, amaze, and impress.
I make it about halfway through school without fuss,
But around 5th period I’m written up because cleavage isn’t a must.
I’m getting punished for my own set of double D’s,
Because the men around me get erections from a passing breeze.
If kids in high school can’t control themselves,
Why should I be the one punished for my huge shelves?
Why are men not taught to respect women,
But I am told I look slutty once again?
You’d think boys would be more than their ***** by this time,
But as of now cleavage is still a crime.
Oct 7, 2014
Oct 7, 2014 at 8:48 PM UTC
I wonder if you’ve ever looked at yourself in the mirror
And stared at your haggard face in your drunken stupor
I wonder if you think you couldn’t have made it any clearer
That we can’t be friends if I am always your party pooper
I wonder if you look at yourself and notice that you’ve changed
It’s not your looks idiot, it’s who you are now
I wonder if you even bothered to notice our friendship is estranged
Or do you just wipe any deep thought away like sweat on your brow
Did the summer fly by so fast you forgot to talk to me
Did the parties come so quick you couldn’t text me back
Did you throw up the last precious remnants of who you used to be
Did you decide to let yourself fall off the track
I guess you thought that throwing me away was worth it if you could be cool
I guess you thought I just wouldn’t mind
I guess you probably don’t care that you look like the biggest ******* fool
I guess you drink to take your thoughts away from what you’re afraid to find
I remember when you told me how lonely you feel every day you’re here
And I guess your new friends are strangers and beer
I remember the only good thing alcohol did was get rid of your fear
You told me you loved me thanks to the whiskey and it was loud and clear
I wish I had the guts to tell you how much you’ve hurt me
But I don’t think you’d find me important enough to listen to anymore
I wish when you looked in that mirror that you would actually see
Who you are and how you’ve killed the person you were before
Oct 7, 2014
Oct 7, 2014 at 8:45 PM UTC
Sometimes I like to think
That you just moved real far away
And that you got a job being a jeweler
At a different far away jewelry store
Because you hated working
For your father who never
Believed in you the right way
And that you just couldn’t drive
That silly old van hours to see us
And then I remember
I drive that van now
I have your guitars on your rack
In my room near the window
Eggay the cat is here
Not at your Fishtown Philadelphia house
I wear your ratty denim coat
To school to feel your embrace
When I cannot keep a smile on
I keep your bifocals locked up
In a display case with your
Memorial pamphlet
That says you were buried
On January twenty first
Of two thousand ten.
I do wonder on days like this
What you’ll say to me
When we see each other again
I wonder if your tears will be so real
Like they were when we had to leave
The vacation early because I ****** it up
I wish I could inhale your scent
Of cigarettes and beer and
Father
I wish I could remember what you sounded like
So crisp in my head
Yet the fear you caused absent in my nerves
I still remember every tattoo you had
Encompassing your whole body
In a beautiful mural
Like the ones we’d see
When you drove us from mother’s home
To yours
You had Julia in purple on your left shoulder
Overseeing the chinese dragon
That flew through the mountains and sunshine on your arm
Rayna’s name was inked underneath that same arm
And my name inked underneath the right
Mine sitting underneath another dragon
Sweeping through a thunderstorm
On your one leg was a blue diamond
A homage to your passion and your life
On the other was a daddy sea horse
With its two babies in tow
On your back was a few odd ones
Aliens smoking a joint in their ship
A heart made out of machinery
And knuckles punching someone’s teeth out
I remember being so proud
To have a daddy who was so
Unapologetically himself
Despite him being unapologetic
When he hurt people
And I am still proud to say
I am your daughter
Who is just as uniquely unapologetic
For who I am
As you were
Love you daddy
Sep 23, 2014
Sep 23, 2014 at 11:58 PM UTC
Michelle:
You’re my other half.
Telling me how good I was,
Probably saved me.
Brandon:
You are my escape.
When the world’s too hard today,
You make it all right.
Shannon:
I know you love me.
I just can’t hang out right now.
But I do love you.
Ryan:
If you only knew.
You were my world at one point.
Now I just miss you.
Sep 20, 2014
Sep 20, 2014 at 1:55 PM UTC
I hate how easily I can lose my morals,
When you ask me to.
I hate how you can make the world seem elegant and floral,
Even though I feel like I should still hate you.
Why is it that when you decide to kiss me,
I lose myself to this flower world you made in your arms?
But why is that world only there when you want it to be,
Without your world of petals reality does so much harm.
I am a repeat visitor to your universe of lilys and roses,
You have me hooked on you and you know it.
But what’s worse is what you do to my poor heart,
You’ve been a repeat offender to my love from the start.
Sep 20, 2014
Sep 20, 2014 at 1:53 PM UTC