max - Hello Poetry

I still remember the day my friend sat me down and told me my life story, this time void of ******** She wouldn't let me make excuses. There was no, "Yeah, but that didn't matter because--" No, "They didn't really mean it." She told me, "I know they ****** you up, and you hate them for it. They got inside your head and shook it like a snow globe. And I know that now you can't trust people or let people touch you without flinching or be tickled without having a panic attack. You were starved and thrown around and told you were worthless. You did the best you could. And you were scared. I know." She knows. I don't know if I can let it go, but she knows.

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Jun 23, 2013

Jun 23, 2013 at 6:23 AM UTC

"It's Okay"

I still remember the day my friend sat me down and told me my life story, this time void of ******** She wouldn't let me make excuses. There was no, "Yeah, but that didn't matter because--" No, "They didn't really mean it." She told me, "I know they ****** you up, and you hate them for it. They got inside your head and shook it like a snow globe. And I know that now you can't trust people or let people touch you without flinching or be tickled without having a panic attack. You were starved and thrown around and told you were worthless. You did the best you could. And you were scared. I know." She knows. I don't know if I can let it go, but she knows.

19

I gave my identity to a man who stabbed me with it. I gave my identity to my friends who tore it up into little pieces to show everyone. I gave my identity to my mother who would not touch it. Every time I would give it away I would find it crushed and beaten. So now I never give it away. I stay invisible, that's my goal, and I'm pretty **** good at it.

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Jun 8, 2012

Jun 8, 2012 at 4:30 AM UTC

Invisible

I gave my identity to a man who stabbed me with it. I gave my identity to my friends who tore it up into little pieces to show everyone. I gave my identity to my mother who would not touch it. Every time I would give it away I would find it crushed and beaten. So now I never give it away. I stay invisible, that's my goal, and I'm pretty **** good at it.

13

we are monster in these indigo beginnings this space and time you forget by dawn brilliant cracked universes show in your eyes stop scream out thy wild dreams inside blue stars death stands by look for consequences burned sweet, because lovely explosions ain't free difference threatens with pathetic marches breath yellow dust ghosts of fantastic commentary playing in your head music never gave such blithe fire crackles, up up it goes naked hunger ends your soul but people will hold you intact

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Jun 7, 2012

Jun 7, 2012 at 2:45 PM UTC

Let's Be Crazy

we are monster in these indigo beginnings this space and time you forget by dawn brilliant cracked universes show in your eyes stop scream out thy wild dreams inside blue stars death stands by look for consequences burned sweet, because lovely explosions ain't free difference threatens with pathetic marches breath yellow dust ghosts of fantastic commentary playing in your head music never gave such blithe fire crackles, up up it goes naked hunger ends your soul but people will hold you intact

16

I'm a freak. I don't fit in. I don't have friends. I have nightmares. I write bad poetry that no one reads. The scars on my legs spell "I'm still here." I don't know who the scars are talking about. I get beat up at school at home. I get bad grades because I don't care. I can't use public bathrooms because people can't tell if I'm a boy or a girl. Same with lockerrooms. I don't talk to people. I read to escape. You can find me behind the stairs at school. The teachers don't see me. Niether do my parents. I wish the kids didn't see me. I forgot how to be happy. I'm trying. Nice to meet you, I'm Max.

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May 21, 2012

May 21, 2012 at 1:11 AM UTC

Hi, Nice To Meet You

I'm a freak. I don't fit in. I don't have friends. I have nightmares. I write bad poetry that no one reads. The scars on my legs spell "I'm still here." I don't know who the scars are talking about. I get beat up at school at home. I get bad grades because I don't care. I can't use public bathrooms because people can't tell if I'm a boy or a girl. Same with lockerrooms. I don't talk to people. I read to escape. You can find me behind the stairs at school. The teachers don't see me. Niether do my parents. I wish the kids didn't see me. I forgot how to be happy. I'm trying. Nice to meet you, I'm Max.

31

I'm lost. I tell you but you just say to stop thinking so hard but that's impossible. Quick change the subject before I can tell you that my anxiety is so bad that it's causing me physical pain, that I hold back tears at school and people keep asking if I'm okay because I was never really good at hiding my face. I feel like music can't hear me, like I lost the translation so people can't understand me. I feel like my poems are razors I'm testing how deep I can get get into my skin, like no one's left to sing my name and my vocal chords were ripped out a long time ago. I feel like I don't understand me anymore.

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May 3, 2012

May 3, 2012 at 11:45 PM UTC

Gone

I'm lost. I tell you but you just say to stop thinking so hard but that's impossible. Quick change the subject before I can tell you that my anxiety is so bad that it's causing me physical pain, that I hold back tears at school and people keep asking if I'm okay because I was never really good at hiding my face. I feel like music can't hear me, like I lost the translation so people can't understand me. I feel like my poems are razors I'm testing how deep I can get get into my skin, like no one's left to sing my name and my vocal chords were ripped out a long time ago. I feel like I don't understand me anymore.

22

one day i was talking to my little sister. she asks me if i was ever depressed. i tell her yes. her eyes widen and her lips are mouthing 'why?' 'babe, i'm transgender.' 'is that it?' so i begin to explain to her the things i feel. i tell her how everyday i can't wait to get home and slice open this body i don't know with a razor from a convenience store. i tell her i don't know how to act like a girl for mom and dad, but apparently i do a **** good job because they don't notice i'm not. i tell her that for fourteen years i've wanted to cut my hair short and never have to wear a skirt to church again. i tell her about the pain and fear of going into a public bathroom. i tell her about the looks the kids at school give me and the shoves from behind about the **** binders and the locker rooms. i tell her that i don't know what they want me to be, and if i can be it. i tell her all i want is to be called 'he' and feel like they mean it. she pauses and gives me a look that says even though she's too young to understand, she does. 'i've always wanted a brother.'

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Apr 25, 2012

Apr 25, 2012 at 8:16 PM UTC

I'm Transgender.

one day i was talking to my little sister. she asks me if i was ever depressed. i tell her yes. her eyes widen and her lips are mouthing 'why?' 'babe, i'm transgender.' 'is that it?' so i begin to explain to her the things i feel. i tell her how everyday i can't wait to get home and slice open this body i don't know with a razor from a convenience store. i tell her i don't know how to act like a girl for mom and dad, but apparently i do a **** good job because they don't notice i'm not. i tell her that for fourteen years i've wanted to cut my hair short and never have to wear a skirt to church again. i tell her about the pain and fear of going into a public bathroom. i tell her about the looks the kids at school give me and the shoves from behind about the **** binders and the locker rooms. i tell her that i don't know what they want me to be, and if i can be it. i tell her all i want is to be called 'he' and feel like they mean it. she pauses and gives me a look that says even though she's too young to understand, she does. 'i've always wanted a brother.'

31

The screaming continues, the yelling goes on. Strained voices from creating so much NOISE I wonder if there was a time that we could talk softly to each other, lovingly. I wonder if 'before' we knew of other things besides our own screaming. Our anger.

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Apr 23, 2012

Apr 23, 2012 at 1:38 AM UTC

Pity Party

The screaming continues, the yelling goes on. Strained voices from creating so much NOISE I wonder if there was a time that we could talk softly to each other, lovingly. I wonder if 'before' we knew of other things besides our own screaming. Our anger.

7

The sunrise this morning was like a huge magnificent fire devouring the sky. So great was the fire that everything it shone it's light upon burned up and became ash. *Including me including you.*

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Apr 23, 2012

Apr 23, 2012 at 1:20 AM UTC

Mo(u)rning Person

The sunrise this morning was like a huge magnificent fire devouring the sky. So great was the fire that everything it shone it's light upon burned up and became ash. *Including me including you.*

10

Just take like four Tylenol make yourself sick. Make yourself believe it believe your lies and it all works out, most of the time. Break in ******* two because You are everything I want because You are everything I am not and I can't seem to handle how happy you make yourself.

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Apr 22, 2012

Apr 22, 2012 at 6:04 PM UTC

Hey Girl

Just take like four Tylenol make yourself sick. Make yourself believe it believe your lies and it all works out, most of the time. Break in ******* two because You are everything I want because You are everything I am not and I can't seem to handle how happy you make yourself.

13