maryjane-rebel - Hello Poetry

I made the same mistake I always make, Promises to myself that I never want to break… But I do. As if my swan song is on replay. Imbibe, Undress, Feel Alone, Regret. Regret. Regret. Women are supposed to wait, not give so much away. There is this whole game that I never had even begun to play while others were already in the advanced stage. I know there is something different about me. I can feel it in the way people talk as if there is something they are seeing that I am not feeling. The disconnect feels like a gap that is widening and crumbling away underneath my feet. I made the same mistake I always make which ends in me being comfortless Strangers ask me how I could be single in comparison with the characteristics that make up me, as if beauty was mutually exclusive with companionship. I want to tell them it’s because I’m crazy. Because I choose to pursue men who I cannot obtain and usually only after I’ve given anything they could possibly want away. I’m exhausted and distressed Afraid that my mistake will consume the only male friendship I had yet to taint Disquieted knowing I could easily desire more when you do not feel the same. Assuming every ignored text is more then a simple coincidence Lost and afraid my comfortable place, my friend I turned to when I wished everything else to fade away, is no longer available free of any constraints.

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Jul 25, 2013

Jul 25, 2013 at 6:37 PM UTC

Thoughts on Regret

I made the same mistake I always make, Promises to myself that I never want to break… But I do. As if my swan song is on replay. Imbibe, Undress, Feel Alone, Regret. Regret. Regret. Women are supposed to wait, not give so much away. There is this whole game that I never had even begun to play while others were already in the advanced stage. I know there is something different about me. I can feel it in the way people talk as if there is something they are seeing that I am not feeling. The disconnect feels like a gap that is widening and crumbling away underneath my feet. I made the same mistake I always make which ends in me being comfortless Strangers ask me how I could be single in comparison with the characteristics that make up me, as if beauty was mutually exclusive with companionship. I want to tell them it’s because I’m crazy. Because I choose to pursue men who I cannot obtain and usually only after I’ve given anything they could possibly want away. I’m exhausted and distressed Afraid that my mistake will consume the only male friendship I had yet to taint Disquieted knowing I could easily desire more when you do not feel the same. Assuming every ignored text is more then a simple coincidence Lost and afraid my comfortable place, my friend I turned to when I wished everything else to fade away, is no longer available free of any constraints.

17

I think I found you lost at sea I assumed you could possibly be... waiting.. for me. I know I'm new I'm strawberries and cream tattooed ideological fantasy Not as interesting as reality.

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Mar 13, 2013

Mar 13, 2013 at 4:55 PM UTC

Strawberries and Cream

I think I found you lost at sea I assumed you could possibly be... waiting.. for me. I know I'm new I'm strawberries and cream tattooed ideological fantasy Not as interesting as reality.

10

My Valentine (in flames) buried between old wounds I'm bleeding through your hands The haunted embrace of modest thievery A 'Au Revoir' Built to make ghosts...

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Feb 7, 2013

Feb 7, 2013 at 5:10 PM UTC

My Valentine

My Valentine (in flames) buried between old wounds I'm bleeding through your hands The haunted embrace of modest thievery A 'Au Revoir' Built to make ghosts...

7

Men as witches cloud bad brains like rats worn out angles parasitic brain bombs negative approach Venom wide torture women none of them are free. Winter's animals water no nirvana Narrow minds fall A sea of **** drink or die no truce. no truce.

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Feb 7, 2013

Feb 7, 2013 at 5:05 PM UTC

Winter's Animals

Men as witches cloud bad brains like rats worn out angles parasitic brain bombs negative approach Venom wide torture women none of them are free. Winter's animals water no nirvana Narrow minds fall A sea of **** drink or die no truce. no truce.

13

I want a man who wakes up me softly, already smelling of the morning’s coffee. I want a man who reads and is never full, a library of literature to engulf me. I want a man who does the dishes simply because he believes in a clean kitchen. I want a man who surprises me, blindfolds and tells me I can’t know where we are going… I want a man who understands my desire and wish to be enchanted. I want a man who can cook for my family and friends, being that he finds joy in showing my Father how much he truly loves me. I want a man who undresses me slowly, kissing me eagerly as he drops articles of clothing to the floor I want a man who is not afraid to tell me I am acting out of line, that I am irrational as he pours me a glass of red wine. I want a man who exercises his body, his mind and his soul. I want a man to love me unconditionally, as if God made us with the design that I was his and he was mine. I want a man who is always honest with me, even when it hurts, even when I wish he had lied. I want a man who is chivalrous to my mother, plays with my dog and helps my father do work in the yard. I want a man who is charitable and kind. I want a man I did not settle for because I was lonely and ‘he seemed nice’. I want a man who reminds me I am never alone in this life, that each struggle is no longer just mine. I want the man I am afraid I will never find.

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Feb 4, 2013

Feb 4, 2013 at 7:04 PM UTC

I want a man...

I want a man who wakes up me softly, already smelling of the morning’s coffee. I want a man who reads and is never full, a library of literature to engulf me. I want a man who does the dishes simply because he believes in a clean kitchen. I want a man who surprises me, blindfolds and tells me I can’t know where we are going… I want a man who understands my desire and wish to be enchanted. I want a man who can cook for my family and friends, being that he finds joy in showing my Father how much he truly loves me. I want a man who undresses me slowly, kissing me eagerly as he drops articles of clothing to the floor I want a man who is not afraid to tell me I am acting out of line, that I am irrational as he pours me a glass of red wine. I want a man who exercises his body, his mind and his soul. I want a man to love me unconditionally, as if God made us with the design that I was his and he was mine. I want a man who is always honest with me, even when it hurts, even when I wish he had lied. I want a man who is chivalrous to my mother, plays with my dog and helps my father do work in the yard. I want a man who is charitable and kind. I want a man I did not settle for because I was lonely and ‘he seemed nice’. I want a man who reminds me I am never alone in this life, that each struggle is no longer just mine. I want the man I am afraid I will never find.

18

Today Looking through pictures of you Epiphany struck me with the heavy force of a lovers fist Leaving me was the greatest gift you ever gave me In fact, It was the only gift you ever gave me. Lonely longing blinded me to what only I could ever see… You were never worthy to any part of me. You took so so much I continuously gave My heart empty aches Weighted by my misconceptions Today Looking through pictures of you Seeing how I was replaced Fictitious loveless exchange Fraudulent friendship Summers game.

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Nov 9, 2012

Nov 9, 2012 at 2:05 PM UTC

Summer's Game

Today Looking through pictures of you Epiphany struck me with the heavy force of a lovers fist Leaving me was the greatest gift you ever gave me In fact, It was the only gift you ever gave me. Lonely longing blinded me to what only I could ever see… You were never worthy to any part of me. You took so so much I continuously gave My heart empty aches Weighted by my misconceptions Today Looking through pictures of you Seeing how I was replaced Fictitious loveless exchange Fraudulent friendship Summers game.

19

I dream of you A stranger with your face, like a mask, in front of mine He has your strong jaw line, your brown eyes Walks with your confident stride But the emptiness I feel as he kisses me goodbye brings me to reality every time A jolt like a ligatured body cascading to a halt… A brutal surprise Days do not pass, uneclipsed by need for rationalization Teeter tottering from acceptance to dissent Memories like worn film, Played and replayed Longing for the ending to change I was crying in answer to subjugation Unable to watch your mouth move as it formed syllables Strung eloquently into carefully chosen words Ultimately to assert our relationships Goodbye I held my breath as you lingered at my doorframe Felt the warmth of tear stained salty lips once last occupying yours I watched you drive away I waited knowing your headlights would soon fade I dream of you Infinite minutes of fantasy or fallacy Made to blur factuality Reverie in which no matter of the stories distortion You stayed

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Sep 14, 2012

Sep 14, 2012 at 2:39 PM UTC

Salty Lips

I dream of you A stranger with your face, like a mask, in front of mine He has your strong jaw line, your brown eyes Walks with your confident stride But the emptiness I feel as he kisses me goodbye brings me to reality every time A jolt like a ligatured body cascading to a halt… A brutal surprise Days do not pass, uneclipsed by need for rationalization Teeter tottering from acceptance to dissent Memories like worn film, Played and replayed Longing for the ending to change I was crying in answer to subjugation Unable to watch your mouth move as it formed syllables Strung eloquently into carefully chosen words Ultimately to assert our relationships Goodbye I held my breath as you lingered at my doorframe Felt the warmth of tear stained salty lips once last occupying yours I watched you drive away I waited knowing your headlights would soon fade I dream of you Infinite minutes of fantasy or fallacy Made to blur factuality Reverie in which no matter of the stories distortion You stayed

25

Fall is ****** upon me like puberty on a child The anticipation and excitement of ****** change A new precipice to fall from Reminding me summers love long ago faded A relationship transformed into a festering wound Oozing rot masked sweetly with the scent of candied words

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Aug 28, 2012

Aug 28, 2012 at 10:04 PM UTC

Summer Love

Fall is ****** upon me like puberty on a child The anticipation and excitement of ****** change A new precipice to fall from Reminding me summers love long ago faded A relationship transformed into a festering wound Oozing rot masked sweetly with the scent of candied words

6

I am a child The loneliest kind of child An only child Suited with vividly wild imagination, a vernacular beyond my years and a need for understanding encouraged by parents who believed in the truth with an answer for every question. I am a beast Angry and wild With a passion so burning I am in awe I am not on fire I am alone

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Aug 23, 2012

Aug 23, 2012 at 10:14 AM UTC

An Only

I am a child The loneliest kind of child An only child Suited with vividly wild imagination, a vernacular beyond my years and a need for understanding encouraged by parents who believed in the truth with an answer for every question. I am a beast Angry and wild With a passion so burning I am in awe I am not on fire I am alone

8

Are you thinking of me? Do I ever sweep through your mind? Rolling over meadows of memories, like fog consuming the horizons line Tonight I watched two souls interacting Shared secrets kept behind smile lines Reminiscence of you and I, Moments shared so sweetly, our lies caramelized The world faded away Atmosphere melted like butter Saturating conversations of strangers to the buzz of a fly in lovers ears Swept out in the rip tide of compatibility Making love through articulation It was all a fallacy You likely never cared for me, never weighed the reality of distance and time Thinking only of yourself Fulfilling insecurities and selfish desires with glutinous appetite A coward Lying like wounded prey, victimized in the masses eyes Leaving those that loved you demolished Moth eaten garments suggestive of rags Ruins of a civilized time

0

Aug 23, 2012

Aug 23, 2012 at 10:07 AM UTC

Lies Caramelized

Are you thinking of me? Do I ever sweep through your mind? Rolling over meadows of memories, like fog consuming the horizons line Tonight I watched two souls interacting Shared secrets kept behind smile lines Reminiscence of you and I, Moments shared so sweetly, our lies caramelized The world faded away Atmosphere melted like butter Saturating conversations of strangers to the buzz of a fly in lovers ears Swept out in the rip tide of compatibility Making love through articulation It was all a fallacy You likely never cared for me, never weighed the reality of distance and time Thinking only of yourself Fulfilling insecurities and selfish desires with glutinous appetite A coward Lying like wounded prey, victimized in the masses eyes Leaving those that loved you demolished Moth eaten garments suggestive of rags Ruins of a civilized time

21