Every day I set sail on a stainless steel ship.
It’s a little too heavy to float but every day is just short enough where I can make it out and back before sinking.
But I’d love to see the sun on a longer day,
so I cut down the sitka spruce planted on the day I was born,
and I whittled it until I had carved a wooden heart the same size as my fist
Now I sail in my little boat with my beautiful new wooden heart to keep me afloat.
I still have to use every ounce of myself to focus on keeping me above the water but the sun shines brighter and the days stay longer.
One sunny day I found myself castaway along your shore.
I still had my wooden heart to make sure I would get home safely and I was keeping it oh so close to me.
You introduced yourself with a smile and all I could bring myself to do was give my wooden heart to you.
I only left once every trace of the sun was gone from the sky
to return home.
Now my boat is holding water just as closely as I held my heart.
May 5, 2018
May 5, 2018 at 8:07 PM UTC
You are the sun
I know that you already know that line,
but anthropomorphic sunshine is really hard to find.
I
just wanna know if I’m Romeo or Icarus
I know you’re with Count Paris,
He’s older, he’s stronger, he’s smarter, and he’s got higher testosterone,
while I’m from another house with my wings of wax and feathers
and feeling so alone
And I want to meet him, with his kids and new wife
I’ll say “I’ve heard so much about you, and all the things that you do, and I think you should keep doing those things because she deserves to be treated right”
I’ll turn to you and say I’m so lucky to have been able to be a part of your life
And I’m sorry and I love you, and I’m sorry and I love you,
And I’m sorry and I love you,
And thanks for being you
Thanks for letting me be a part of some small trip in the journey called your life
I’m so happy that you found the right road that leads you where you want to go
Thanks for getting in the car with me and for taking it offroad,
Showing me the most beautiful path of love that I now know
Although the word trip works for what we had both as tumbling and traveling
And we swerved around many obstacles, seeing just as many crows as crocuses during our time together it was still the best trip I could have ever wished for
Every love letter and every image of us now sits in the glove box,
Always there and always ready if I ever need a memory of what real love should be
Because sometimes I just can’t remember
the softness of your voice as you lay in my arms and whisper “I love you.”
My incessant desire to smile whenever my eyes meet yours.
So I ardently await the recollection of the previously accustomed feeling of your hand in mine, fingers intertwined, skeletons weaved together from your ankle up through my spine as time just stands still.
Every day I have to fight the desire to ask you to come back, so I can finally hold you tight
Every day I wish for a chainsaw to connect with my chest,
cutting open this cage called my ribs so I could reach in and offer you my heart.
Because I just want to be closer to you
and I know no God would never turn you back into a bone just left of my sternum
Every night I dream of December 22,
Or January 1, February 14 and May 31 too
But why should those matter when there’s December 24
And December 27 and oh so many more
I love that you love yourself and although I’d love it if your happiness would come from me
**** at least I can sleep at night knowing that you’re finally truly happy and finally truly free
I don’t know what makes a happy story,
And although much of what we had was melancholy, or calmly clamorous, I’m glad we had a happy ending
I’m so glad to have been lucky enough to have grown with you
And I’m sorry and I love you,
And I’m sorry and I love you,
And I’m sorry and I love you,
And thank you and I love you
May 5, 2018
May 5, 2018 at 8:02 PM UTC
I remember enjoying sunsets
I still can be somewhat amazed by the scattering of light rays from molecules and small particulate matter between where I am and where a giant ball of constantly fusing gas is
But lay me in front of the stars while the nearest falls slowly out of view
All I can say is “another day gone”
May 5, 2018
May 5, 2018 at 6:37 PM UTC