I've told her before
I love her
And unlike other times
I moved on with clarity
Kept from dying inside
But every day
My heart kept weighing on me
My thoughts wavered toward her
I thought I had everything under control
But I was wrong
Every minute
I lose myself thinking about her
Wondering how I could prove myself
The one able to provide happiness
Willing to wait for her
Even to stay a friend
Jan 20, 2018
Jan 20, 2018 at 6:59 AM UTC
I know this message won't reach you
So I figured I would write this here
I want to help you recover from your last relationship
I want to take you on a date
I want to know everything about you
And learn what makes you smile the most
I really like you
And I just can't stop thinking about you
Every time we text
Even if it's just saying hi
They actually brighten my days
And bring me out of slums
Something about you
Just encourages me
To be the best version of myself
I don't know
How you truly feel about me
But regardless
I just felt like
Getting this off my chest
Feb 20, 2017
Feb 20, 2017 at 8:20 PM UTC
She never understood
His constant need for approval
The drive to show his own worth
That stemmed from a childhood
Hidden in the shadows by more
"Spectacular" siblings outshining him
She always saw him
Overdosing on his desires to be seen
Beyond his family
Beyond his past
He knew she couldn't know
Just how much pain he's endured
Keeping a positive attitude
Even when deep down
He wished he were dead every day
Trying to feel like he belonged
In a world where he's been cast aside
He never cared though
Cause he knows now
That she has stayed with him
Not for his status in the world
Not because she wanted to heal
The damages inside his heart
But because she simply loves him
And he truly loves her
Feb 20, 2017
Feb 20, 2017 at 8:17 PM UTC
Stuck wide awake
Thinking of her
At the most inopportune time
My mind just racing
Wondering why she always appears
Why every thought
Makes my heart race
Faster than any moment in my life
Stuck awake in my dark room
Trying to tell myself
I can't feel this way
Not when I know
That it's most likely not 2-way
But I tell myself
I simply can't help it
My heart knows this feeling
And it isn't planning on dying
Losing so much sleep
Because I keep dreaming of her
How to please her
Treat her
Speak to her
How to show her
That I fell for her
Because I'm just that hopeless of a romantic
But I hold back that romantic
Cause I can't give her anything
While I'm stuck giving myself such grief
Feb 20, 2017
Feb 20, 2017 at 8:16 PM UTC
Every night
I always have the same thought
Roaming inside my head
I'm in love with her
I don't know how
Nor do I understand why
But I just know that I am
And every night
I keep trying to understand
My illogical thought process
Cause I know what's happening
Right here in the present
She doesn't see me in the way
That I see her
And I just can never find
Any way in this mind of mines
To just let go
And admit the entire truth
I just talk to her when I can
And pretend that these feelings
Simply don't exist
Like they're my own personal sins
And I'm subjecting myself to punishment
For even nurturing them
Or giving myself a false idea
That maybe one day
Everything will change
And she'll possibly love me
Or I'll possibly move on
But the simple matter is
These thoughts never change
They simply rearrange
And cause me to feel
Such a horrible shame
Like is it really wrong
To be in love
Is it wrong for me
To want her to be happy
For no other reason
Than because I like to see her smile
Is it horrible
To think that she deserves someone
Who will just love her
From behind the scenes
As well as in the full program
Every night
It plays out in my head
And my heart tells me
Just tell her everything
And she'll understand
But how can one understand
Falling in love by sheer instinct
Falling in love and wanting to know
Everything
Falling in love
And not even knowing know
How to hide that fact away
For so long
Simply because you don't want to
Freak the other person out
Or push them away
With that solid truth
Feb 20, 2017
Feb 20, 2017 at 8:13 PM UTC
It happens every time
A person is killed
Simply cause of their color
And people try to care
But then they divide
Some see the dead as they were
Others see them as a ****
People fight to defend the killer
While we struggle to keep ourselves alive
Everyday it just gets worse
We die
People mourn
Argue the systematic oppression
Of a White Male dominant society
Try to fight the system
But move on from this fight
Due to the light distractions
Of media perception and illusion
Jul 8, 2016
Jul 8, 2016 at 3:28 PM UTC
Every second I sit I just keep thinking, Why do I exist?
What purpose has kept me
From letting myself
Taste the sweet metal of a blade
Where am I suppose to go
If neither heaven nor hell is guaranteed
Every second I keep existing
And I can't stop thinking
What is stopping me from running away
Why can't I just leave everything behind
All this pain and worry
All the anger, joy, sorrow
All these numbing emotions
Every second I breathe
I lose myself to all this
I think about that night
The night my story could have ended
And every time I do
My mind filters it more and more
Making sure I can never remember
Such a dark, chaotic time
But a satisfying moment for me
A moment where I felt in complete control
And the universe was the one
Begging for me to stop
Trying to understand the reasoning
The underlying meaning
Beneath this chain reaction
Every second
I exist
Jan 24, 2016
Jan 24, 2016 at 4:47 AM UTC
It is amazing how the rain
Can mask my tears so easily
Nature simply wants to console me
Allow me the time to heal
From a great pain
A greater distress inside of myself
With such a cold embrace
Nature soothes me
So that I may remain
The hopeful romantic
Jan 18, 2016
Jan 18, 2016 at 2:43 AM UTC
The same question is asked in my mind
"Are you alright?"
Every time I say I'm fine
Even when I know I'm not
Even when I tell myself to remain strong
"Are you alright?"
I am
Except I believe I lost the person I was talking to
For a long time
"Are you alright?"
I am
Except Life keeps throwing boulders at me
Expecting me to be nimble
And dodge with ease
Like my brother
Expecting me to be just like him
"Are you alright?"
I am
Except my heart and brain are currently at war
Causing me to make decisions on my own
With no guidance from either side
And a difficult road ahead of me
"Are you alright?"
I am
Except I'm not
I'm far from alright
And I keep ignoring my many problems
Cause I care less about myself
And more about helping everyone else
"Are you alright?"
Am I alright?
Jan 16, 2016
Jan 16, 2016 at 4:43 AM UTC
He doesn't exist anymore
Well he does
But I'm in the driver's seat now
Mustafa is such a weak soul
Everything people like about him
That is all me
Mustafa is just a body
Useful for movement
I'm the true mastermind
He would never know what to do next
If it weren't for me
But his time has come and fine
Now, I am free
I am here to run this show
And soon
He will cease to exist
Jan 16, 2016
Jan 16, 2016 at 4:41 AM UTC