Sleep isn’t my friend anymore,
It's not welcomed with a big smile and hug.
It doesn’t even knock on the door half of the time,
Sometimes I force that ***** to come in.
Sleep likes to welcome everyone to the party;
Dreams.
They are not asked for.
Memories of your face and how it felt to be next to you.
Sleep comes and goes just like the past.
It does as it pleases.
One minute there, the next gone.
Apr 3, 2020
Apr 3, 2020 at 11:18 PM UTC
Feel it seep into your pores.
Allow it to swallow you whole.
Feel it caress your body.
Light.
Gentle.
Feel it leave one word at a time.
Allow it to burn in your soul.
Feel it slip down your cheek.
Heavy.
Rough.
Apr 3, 2020
Apr 3, 2020 at 11:01 PM UTC
You make me feel all different ways.
You make me love you in five second,
Then turn around and make me hate everything.
These feelings are new, and I don’t know how to react.
It’s like a toddler with a lemon;
They know it’s sour after the first taste,
But will continue to lick the fruit.
It’s like two children with a new toy;
They’ll fight over it,
Until they get bored.
It’s like getting a new puppy;
All you feel is love and joy,
But you know that’s only because the pup is new.
You are my like my coffee in the morning,
Without you I’m dull and spiritless,
But with you I’m complete.
That’s how I know you’re my happiness.
With you I forget all the bad,
I let myself lick the lemon,
I don’t think of the consequences when fighting for the new toy,
I love the puppy always, no matter how old it gets,
And I always drink my morning coffee,
All because I know you’re worth it.
Jul 29, 2019
Jul 29, 2019 at 4:33 AM UTC
I love storms.
They drag me in,
Without knowing what the outcome will be.
Dark,
Thunder,
Rainy storms.
The clouds gather in the eyes,
The rain accumulates and begins to fall,
As the thunder rumbles from your mouth.
I love you,
But you are my personal hurricane.
Jul 29, 2019
Jul 29, 2019 at 4:03 AM UTC
Why even try,
When it means nothing
To anyone?
Does anyone see
I've been trying?
How don't they see
It hurts?
-When all they do is point out
My flaws!-
Why even try,
When I could
End it tonight?
Would anyone even notice
Me gone?
So tell me what's the point
To stay what they so call "alive"?
-When I already feel dead!-
Why even try,
If nobody notices me?
Why tell me it
Gets better
When it only gets worse?
How could someone
Lie to a broken person
Like me?
-When I'm already on the edge!-
Why even try,
When all I worry about
Is a smile appearing on my face?
Where is my happiness?
How do I cope with this?
-Every second I want
To cut
To feel alive!-
That's it!
I'm done!
No more!
No more trying to please others!
I give up!
I'm done!
You win!
Jul 29, 2019
Jul 29, 2019 at 3:14 AM UTC
At first sparks flew and flowers bloomed.
There was a twinkle in your eye and I knew.
I knew I was in trouble,
You knew it too.
Every color seemed brighter with you,
Every storm seemed lighter,
Every good day seemed perfect,
Everything was different.
You were my source of happiness,
The one person I counted on,
The one I fell in love with.
Now, when you’re here, you’re not actually here.
The colors don’t seem as bright anymore,
The storms feel like hurricanes,
The good days seem bland,
And everything is different.
You are now my source of unwanted.
You are now an unknown man sleeping in my bed.
Jul 29, 2019
Jul 29, 2019 at 3:12 AM UTC
Pressured at the age of eleven to allow unwanted hands crawl up my body,
Pressured at the age of fifteen to give up my virginity,
Pressured at the age of sixteen to give into my addiction of feeling accepted -
Not accepted by others, but by boys who only love you if you give them handjobs.
Jul 29, 2019
Jul 29, 2019 at 3:11 AM UTC
Let's play a game;
You tell me you love me,
And I believe you.
Let's play a game;
I fall deep,
And you let me.
Let's play a game;
I hope you feel the same,
And you let my hope bloom.
Let's play a game;
It's very dangerous,
And everyone gets hurt eventually.
Let's play a game,
Even if it's not the one you tend to play.
Let's play a game,
That one likes to lose.
Let's play a game,
That only takes two.
Let's play this very beautiful dangerous game.
Jul 7, 2019
Jul 7, 2019 at 8:52 PM UTC
He makes me feel at home;
Those warm arms wrapped around my frail body.
The heat radiating off your chest.
The sweet fragrance of vanilla surround us.
The sound of your laughter ringing in my ears.
Your smile is worth everything in this moment.
My heart pounding fast.
This is what I want my forever to feel like.
Yet I know it won’t last.
We’re young.
You’ll forget my name as soon as I leave.
No regrets were made,
Only lessons.
Jul 3, 2019
Jul 3, 2019 at 7:23 PM UTC
Hundreds of people surround me.
Hundreds of voices going in one ear out the other.
But it feels like i'm the only one here,
and the only voice is in my head.
My voice muffled, hands shaking, and heart racing.
My loneliness isn't just hunger for an emotional attachment,
it is the psychological equivalent of malnutrition.
I am starved, disintegrating, nails snapping, fingers and toes turning pallid purple as the circulation shuts off, the stattacco heartbeats.
Every fiber of my being, every cell, is craving,
but it is not a hunger that can be filled with a big meal.
It is perhaps the worst physical pain I have known.
It exhausts you.
It feels like you have swallowed hot coals.
The nausea is so intense it blurs your vision.
Your organs scream, flounder, reject.
They act as if they have been poisoned.
If you try to refill yourself too fast,
it destroys you,
and you cannot cope.
You must drip feed yourself company.
Self inflicted loneliness,
like self inflicted malnutrition has its own emotional complexity.
Mar 9, 2019
Mar 9, 2019 at 2:44 AM UTC