i love rain
the way our world feels after,
so refreshed and innocent,
without any need
to pretend
like the blue drops would have erased
the pages of world’s darkest places
finally creating a new chapter
of life
that allows us to begin again
the smell of petrichor gives me hope
Apr 29, 2021
Apr 29, 2021 at 9:25 AM UTC
i love everything about rain,
the way the rain drops race down the window pane
the way it nets the sprouts
like a lovely hug
the dark calming color of the clouds
the thunder that sometimes growls
seeming to be the ****
of nature,
but actually is a creator
of something beautiful
the way our world feels after,
so alighted and innocent,
no need to pretend
like the blue drops would have erased
the pages of worlds darkest places together with the pain
finally creating a new chapter
of life
that allows us to begin again
the smell of petrichor gives me hope
Apr 29, 2021
Apr 29, 2021 at 9:12 AM UTC
but then i suddenly was able to see
that i wasn’t the monster
who i imagined
myself to be
all the time i had hated myself,
while the blame would have been on somebody else
Apr 26, 2021
Apr 26, 2021 at 1:55 PM UTC
but when help finally allows me to reach out for it,
will i be important enough for myself to accept it?
Apr 26, 2021
Apr 26, 2021 at 1:51 PM UTC
you were never mine,
i was never fully yours
and never will i ever be,
the reason you keep breathing
Apr 26, 2021
Apr 26, 2021 at 1:26 PM UTC
for one second i thought
that i finally figured things out
the next second i thought
that i finally could be proud
of me
for once
the second after i thought
that id be finally allowed
to hope again
but then i thought
that it snowed yesterday
i live in spain,
where snow is smt that may be special for once
but doesn’t
remain
seemed like it got lost somehow
in a territory where it didn’t belong
just like my thoughts that weren’t fitting to my playlist and its usual songs
three seconds
Apr 25, 2021
Apr 25, 2021 at 6:07 PM UTC
i risk a look at you,
and you took my breath away
thanks,
for giving me the ability to finally die darling
it’s not like life had smt meaningful
planned for me
anyway...
Apr 25, 2021
Apr 25, 2021 at 5:41 PM UTC
when i say „i’m okay“
my head is empty, just like my soul
i would like to call it a bliss
but at the same time it’s the evidence
for my never ending
lack of control
some outsiders would assume
„it‘s just a bad day“
and i think
i forgot to mention that
_i‘m okay_
everyday
Mar 22, 2021
Mar 22, 2021 at 5:08 PM UTC
let your depression soak up all your emotions that are left
in that so called heart
between your ribs
let your blade be the relief of your pain
that is going to be
the only feeling you’ll be left to feel
after the ****** scars finally covered every part of your hips
let your negative thoughts
control your life
until the so called heart eventually shatters into its
toxic broken pieces
which reflect the emptiness
in your eyes
the stony hole in your chest
now lost its ability to fix
your soul
let yourself fully dive
into the process of
slowly
dying
inside
congratulations,
you just lost the ability to feel and unlocked
„survive“
ps: there’s no chance that you’ll ever again receive your ability to feel
Mar 22, 2021
Mar 22, 2021 at 4:45 PM UTC
when i say „i’m okay“
i mean that i finally did not
burst into tears over smt
that reminded me of you
today
okay
when i say „i’m okay“
i mean that i did think about putting parts of my skin
instead of my body hair
between the sharp blades of my razor
but did not do it
today
cause i was sick of the ****** flavor
that my tongue
already got used to taste
at the age of eleven
as it all started with my insane behavior
as i first experienced depression
which kept haunting me till
this day
okay
when i say „i’m okay“
my head is empty, just like my soul
i would like to call it a bliss
but at the same time it’s the evidence
for my never ending
lack of control
some outsiders would assume „it‘s just
a bad day“,
and i think
i forgot to mention that
_i‘m okay_
everyday
Mar 9, 2021
Mar 9, 2021 at 6:39 AM UTC