You slip through my fingers
Such as the freeform curves of the wind
Such as the hem of the sea offshore
A long dream from the sinews of my mind
You slip through my fingers in kind
So distant, so far away--I don't wish you to go
Go and slip away, eerie as a night's phantom
Go and you'll leave me in yesteryear's joy
Gone cold, singing soliloqy, grappling with forlorn
Should you slip through my fingers one morn
And your shadow'll overshadow the you I know
As if continents have surfaced between us
As if we speak in different tongues--not a mem'ry
But a past life affair unknown to your mind
My love, must you slip through my fingers in kind?
#
Mar 7, 2022
Mar 7, 2022 at 5:14 AM UTC
i m p a s s e – for some time it’s that temptation / to step back, knowing you can always come / home to being vintage and pre-loved; I stand / on the white fence of falling over / and falling back—this seesaw of a timeline / patience breathes me life
l i m i n a l – but I was limestone diamond / climb mountains to chase the void / to be estranged more so / the omnipresent detachment / for all I care about is a curse / I could never be too close / for seeking indefinite answers
a r d e n t – paint me pictures that loosen these shackles / I would know to smolder / make these bygones ashen / I’m the doltish lover who sinks first / then flourishes second
Feb 4, 2022
Feb 4, 2022 at 12:28 AM UTC
We live in the liminal of imagined dreams
What if
We parked our shoes and dust our sleeves
The wounds are clean
What if
We mean what we spoke
And pinky swear and it’s still there
Feed the elephant of what it craved
Carcasses of threshold crossed
It’s you and me
Finally; what if
I die every day loving you
And silently you do the same
And our lungs are fresh air
Oct 21, 2021
Oct 21, 2021 at 4:02 PM UTC
I look at her and saw dainty hands gripping an
adult’s finger,
Her little mouth singing for the first time—world’s
sign of life.
I chortle thinking we shared the same shrill cry of
unconsented
Breath. Now her fingertips know by routine all the
keys they would press
And her palms—soft and feminine (I buy the same
hand cream she uses)—
Rarely fatigued in household chores, while my hands
are burnt and wounded,
Hard and rough ‘round the edges. Our mouths the
similar absent stories
On the dining table drinking instant noodles soup,
I see
How her hair is pulled up above her shoulders; the
afternoon sun,
The scent of soil on her skin, a chorale of
friends, sneaky attempts to dance
On fiestas with her cousins. My universe is vast
with book and TV characters
My mind a horizon of imaginative dimensions and situations
I wish happened. Swimming in paper-thin planets
was inherited from her;
My decision to suffer trying to fabricate one came from my dreams that could’ve been
Potential realities. But if I’m honest, the swamp between
us might’ve also contributed
Now it’s a river with such erratic currents, but always the tranquil movement that warns 'bout
Its doubtful deepness. I was led to reach the abyss
each time
I forget the special way my mother loves me. When I
was forced to pick up the shards
Of glass under the cooking stove and I bled the
blood pulsing through her veins.
I found there the apologies. I only then understood
how wrong it was
Because it blended so well with everything the kids
and I perceived as right.
Just to grow a little taller interacting with others’ half-full glasses while we glue ours
Back together; so they look like they can be filled
and can pour from one cup to another
Her fingers are wrinkled
as we resurface the waters. I’m also getting used to their
Caresses. I wouldn’t flinch for all that’s coming is gentle.
I also notice the thinning hair,
Speckle of silver streaks. And despite the seemingly
ocean of a gap, on the seashore, we
Are connected in the umbilical. In her eyes the
Traces of her youth and how we love the same
Way we are mistreated
#
Oct 19, 2021
Oct 19, 2021 at 8:38 AM UTC
Grant me witnessing all ‘round I go
Let me be uncomfortable
In my sadness
In my spite
In my veins our ancestors’ strife
Their oppression chiseled in depths
Of my subconscious—mayn’t I forget
In my every privileged sigh
In every nightmare’s death
And all of my trivial achievement
That their blood inks this gazette
That my soul echoes their last breath
For justice—mayn’t I
Move idly and yield
To transient relief
To false gods
To defeatism
That my heart numbs
To the cries of my people
To the destruction of our homes
To the monarchy of traitors
Let me hear it everywhere I go
Let me be uncomfortable
Sep 22, 2021
Sep 22, 2021 at 10:06 PM UTC
For the shards underneath my kitchen stove.
i run my fingers through moments thawed
clawing, catching, grasping—
drip, drip, dripping mercury gold
a rupture veiled with wisdom sought
like a Band-Aid on my pinky toe,
a mere stain ‘cross the tablecloth
when every gasp ***** holes anew
deep in bosoms pulsing violet blues
For the wrinkles i failed smoothing through.
paracosmic ashes from bridges burnt
decaying below my point of view, overdue
adieus stashed ‘tween your books and
pertinacious passion seeping through
my pillowcase i tucked in place
souvenirs of potential
framed laced pinkies sitting down
with my strewed syllables marooned and brown
a lynx vanishing with clementine eyes
Until the chalice of chrysalis manifests.
come ‘morrow is an acquainted rue
when all but my love subdued
Sep 5, 2021
Sep 5, 2021 at 10:27 AM UTC
You
carried
me long enough
that I could no longer
strife and anger for myself. You
carried all these sins and melancholy
on your back, only letting me taste the
silver spoon in my mouth. You taught me
me to sit and behave, make no unappealing
sounds, but mother, your daughter belonged
to anger and strife for your mother, all her other
children, and for you whose only words breath that
of broken reassurance and empty pledges of safety. All
but a solace chant against reeking tyranny. My ears grew
accustomed
to the cacophony
of revolt in between your lullabies.
The blood of the covenant assimilated
with the water of the womb. So mother,
I ask you to pony my hair now and forgive
me. Your children will dot all
thoroughfares and bellow 'no'
for you. So you do not have
to kneel to every friend, to
ev’ry conqueror, stroke their
***** then cry yourself to sleep
Aug 22, 2021
Aug 22, 2021 at 2:31 AM UTC
Hindi agad nagtama ang mga mata natin kaya naman
'Di ko akalaing magkukrus ang mga landas natin
Alam mo 'yong: 'makuha ka sa tingin'?
Ang ginawa mo'y hinablot mo 'ko sa kada titig na
Dadampi sa aking gawi—'di ko pinapansin
Ngunit nang magsimula na ang tugtog ay siyang kusang
Pagdidikit ng mga palad natin. Bawat hakbang,
Sabay ang galaw ng ating katawan
Ito siguro ang pakiramdam ng nalutang sa buwan
Binibigay ka ng mga ningning sa mga mata mo:
Ang mga lihim na nakayukom sa puso mo
At sa mapupula **** labi ko narinig ang
Sinabi **** ganiyan din ang nararamdaman ko
Ang lakas ng tibok ng puso ko, nakakabingi
Kung alam mo lang na ito ang dalangin gabi-gabi
Kaya ang sabi ko, wala na akong pakialam pa
Kung sa balikat hahawak o sa bewang ba
O kahit pareho pa tayong nakapalda
Basta isasayaw kita hanggang sa ako'y
Maputulan ng hiniga
Ikaw ang kaharap ko, wala akong pag-aalala
Kahit pa ramdam ko ang mga mata nila sa'ting dalawa
At mas maingay pa ang bulungan
Kaysa awit ng banda
O kahit ilang tapak pa ang gawin mo sa aking paa
Hindi ko bibitawan ang kamay mo; hayaan mo
Mapapagod din sila
Basta ako, alam ko ang mahalaga: ikaw ang mahalaga
Ang pakiramdam ng hininga mo sa balat ko
Ito ang mahalaga, ang pagyapos mo sa'king kaluluwa
Habang inaangkin natin ang magdamag, ito ang mahalaga
Iyan ang mga sinabi ko noong gabi ng pagtatanghal
Pero huwag ka sanang mabibigla
Hindi ito madadaan sa isang sambitla o kahit
Maupo pa 'ko upang ilahad sa 'yo lahat
Hindi ko rin alam kung saa't kailan nagsimula
Ang alam ko lang, dito ako ipinadpad
Ng agos na pilit kong nilabanan
At sa tuwing maglalakbay, ang anino mo ang
Laging nadadatnang tumatakbo palayo sa kalawakan
Pero saglit lang, 'di ko alam kung ako ba'ng may kasalanan
Sa walang hanggan nating habulan
Na para bang tayo'y laging pinagtatagpo upang
Tunghayan ang sakit na dinudulot sa isa't isa
Pero teka muna, saglit lang, ako lang ba ang nagdaramdam?
May ngiti na sa 'yong mga mata kahit mga luha
Ang umaagos sa kanila; ang iyong tindig ay parang
Noong una nating sayaw— ngunit may nagbago sa 'yong galaw
Napaisip ako, 'di ko mapigilan, kung ikaw pa ba ang natatanaw
Ang dalaga noong una't huli kong sayaw
Na alam kong imposible nang balikan
Ang sa'kin lang ay sana'y alam mo na
Lahat ng 'yon ay tunay
At mahal kita, maniwala ka
Kahit ako pa ang unang bumitaw
#
Aug 21, 2021
Aug 21, 2021 at 1:33 AM UTC
Maybe I looked too blue before
that he wanted so much to dig deep for yellow shades
beneath the color-corrected complexion
Maybe he looked so blue before
the familiarity was too comforting
that it felt so much like my dreams came true
Maybe we were not blue at all
the world just spun too fast there was
no other color but blue
Aug 20, 2021
Aug 20, 2021 at 5:04 AM UTC
Back when I had lost all my friends and the last lover sat there behind the barred door, she would gather me up with so much warmth.
She knew I could not be without rhythm. So she played the harp for me. Caresses from hushed lullabies sitting against the windowsill.
She wept when she saw me naked. I pretended I did not see. She bathed me in flowers and silk.
Her touch sang mellow tunes on my discolored skin. And her eyes held my soul still, cuddled me as if I was once in her womb.
Tender, careful breathing into my lungs she did. I looked at her. She only smiled. The air sounded an apology.
Aug 18, 2020
Aug 18, 2020 at 9:39 AM UTC