Lately, I’ve been feeling a little light headed. No, I’m okay. I don’t have a condition or anything. I just feel like my world is slowly collapsing. Every time I try to fix things and somehow getting good, the universe will do a huge clap back and smack me in the face.
Lately, I’ve been feeling a little useless. Just when I thought I’m doing an excellent job at work, it came to a point that they have to let me go because of personal issues and choices. “You’re good but...” There’s always a but. But should be my middle name in other lifetime. It suits me well.
Lately, I’ve been feeling very insecure. My girlfriend loves me, I know that. But sometimes I feel like she can’t express so much of a feeling like how she used to express it to her ex-girlfriend. When we started dating, I stalked my girlfriend for fun and I saw posts and letters and all that kind of crap how she loves her and how every single second is important when talking to her. She even right the call details in a ******* notebook with all the hearts and smileys and all cheesiness. Me, on the other hand, being mad at for being demanding for asking more phone calls. (she’s working milessss away, btw).
Lately, I’ve been feeling a little betrayed. My mother, who is supposed to keep me safe and warm based on the world’s rule, messed with my life. She placed me in a very difficult position and now people are hunting me away. My cousins, who are my very best friends as well, turned their backs on me because of what my mother did. They even back stab me during dinners that I’m not around. Referring to me as “she’s like her mom”
Lately, I’ve been feeling… Lost. I have nobody to turn to. I have nothing to do. I always tell myself to “Focus on what I can control. But now… I don’t have control about anything anymore.
Jul 6, 2021
Jul 6, 2021 at 9:19 PM UTC
When I was a young, my greatest fear is for my loved once to be not proud of me or to be neglected. That's why I worked so hard. I made sure my grades are high, I have good work, I do my responsibilities as a child, a sister, a partner. I always acted like I don't give a **** about what people would say but I honestly do. And they didn't fail to make me feel that I have to be someone "great" for them to proud of me. It was spread out my personality like a ******* jam on a toast.
Quite sad, I know.
And now that I'm a bit older and a lot different to whoever I was before, I thought I will not get affected by such treatments anymore. But for the love of God, it happened to me again. The feeling of being kept. Hidden. Not proud of.
I feel ugly.
I feel ashamed.
I feel like I'm not worth it.
It's like a familiar punch on the face., the worse is, it broke my heart 10 times more.
Feb 27, 2021
Feb 27, 2021 at 3:47 AM UTC
I love it when people switch into their Ted talk mode. When faces are lit up with overflowing passion and animated expressions. It makes me want to live passionately too.
Nowadays, too much content is lost in our desire to filter our raw emotions just to be more relatable. One of the greatest feelings is being able relinquish the rawest version of ourselves and having someone see past through our disguise— a hand that will take whatever it is we put upon its palms and will hold it as it is without attempting to mold it into something more presentable.
I love it when people take me into their passion zone and give me the chance to show them my honest self too. It’s such a refreshing break from reality where we rarely talk about dreams anymore because everyone’s busy trying to fit in and survive.
Dec 24, 2020
Dec 24, 2020 at 7:43 AM UTC
‘Yung kayang manindigan kahit dumating ang puntong nahihirapan.
Umuunawa’t hindi basta nangiiwan. Nananatili sa mga araw na hindi magaan.
Nananatili dahil alam na ‘yun ang kailangan at sa puso'y nagpapagaan.
Na kung sakali man dumating ang mga panahong lilipas na ang kisap ng samahan —hahanap ng paraan upang maibalik ang kilig, ang dating tinginan, ang nawawalang lambingan.
Marunong tumanggap ng pagkakamali.
May panahon lagi para umintindi.
Na sa oras na magpakumbaba ka’t magsisi,
yayakapin ng katulad ng dati.
Hindi agad umaalis,
hindi nagpapadala sa galit,
sumasagot sa’yong mga bakit.
Higit sa lahat, siyang naaawat ng salitang patawad.
Dahil nararapat ang pag-ibig na sigurado.
Hindi umaatras, hindi tumatakas.
Hindi nagdadalawang-isip kung aalis o mananatili.
Ako, na ang tingin sa’yo, ay pag-ibig na kapili-pili
Dec 16, 2020
Dec 16, 2020 at 1:51 PM UTC
What I love most
Is the aroma of a good brewed coffee.
No, wait
What I love most
Is sleeping while it's raining.
No, wait
What I love most
Is losing myself in a good book.
No, wait
What I love most
Is looking at developed film rolls
No.. wait.
What I love most
Is when people ask me
What I love most.
Dec 8, 2020
Dec 8, 2020 at 1:57 AM UTC
It’s weird to think that every version of me was made to be with every version of you.
It’s crazy to think that what we have crosses universes and traverse timelines and that we were always meant to be,
that nothing could keep us apart.
It’s a beautiful concept.
But imagine if we were never meant to fall in love.
Imagine if every conceivable universe wanted us to remain apart,
but it was our own free will that brought us together.
Imagine if we, in this timeline, were the only versions of ourselves to become what we are.
That we were never meant to be, but we carved our own paths to each other.
That what we feel is stronger than all the force of the universe.
Maybe it was always going to be me and you.
I guess it is for us to find out
Dec 2, 2020
Dec 2, 2020 at 8:48 AM UTC
Ilang beses ako nag tangkang sumulat ng tula ngayong araw na ‘to.
Pero parang walang pumapasok sa ulo ko.
Maraming gustong sabihin ang puso
Pero parang hindi magawang i-proseso
Mahusay akong umintindi ng ibang tao
Sabi nila, isa daw yun sa aking talento
Pero bakit pag dating sa sarili ko,
Ako’y na ba-blanko?
Wala naman akong problema
Masaya naman ako, ata
Okay lang naman, ata
Hindi naman ako pagod, ata
Burn out lang, ata
Kaya ko pa, ata
Minsan nakakapagod
Madalas nakaka lungkot
Ilang mundo pa ba ng dapat ilibot?
Ganito na lang ba talaga ang ikot?
Nov 29, 2020
Nov 29, 2020 at 9:49 AM UTC
I wish there are words to explain the kind of feeling that I experience when I'm with you; When you do those little things.
When you smirk
When you eat so slow
When you wait your soda to water down
When we laugh over our inside jokes
When we get sarcastic and all judgy
How you wish me success
How you look at me in the eyes when I tell my stories
How you hold my hand
Whenever you ask if I am happy
How you find ways and say the right words to cheer me up
How you validate my feelings and ambitions
How we talk about our dreams and hopes
How you assure me that I am enough
I guess there are really no poems or haikus that can express how you make my heart flutter.
I'm a writer by profession but maybe these will always make me wonder.
There are feelings that will never turn into words.
Maybe those are meant to feed my heart and soul.
Nov 22, 2020
Nov 22, 2020 at 12:42 PM UTC
You used to date someone who expresses her love for you in
secret love letters,
in far-away stares,
and in closed doors.
You used to settle
for kisses behind curtains,
attachments on empty hallways,
and memories being hidden.
Until you met me
in broad daylight,
in sunny days,
and blue skies.
Until I made you realize that
you are not meant
to be locked
in darkness.
You are meant to be free—
in colours,
in sunshine,
out there.
Nov 18, 2020
Nov 18, 2020 at 2:49 PM UTC
Sa bawat salitang binibigkas ng labi mo,
Para bang dinadala ako sa ibang mundo.
Sa mundo na kung saan kalmado ang puso
at pansamantalang pwedeng lumayo.
Sa mundo na espesyal ako kahit papa'no.
Alam kong hindi pa malalim ang nararamdaman mo, sinta.
Maski ako man ay hindi pa handa.
Ngunit hayaan **** ako’y magpasalamat sa saya
At kalinga na iyong dala.
Nung minsan, tinawag mo akong mahiwaga.
Pero hindi mo alam na ikaw ang mas makinang na tala.
Nov 18, 2020
Nov 18, 2020 at 1:38 PM UTC