they say that people will choose a familiar hell
over an unfamiliar heaven
something about the brain,
and its wiring
they might be right
i live here.
this is my home,
where i'm most comfortable.
in this place
where you give me what i need
and then take it away
we go round and round
for years and years
sometimes,
i step off
the merry go round
the ride
where you talk of a future
the good parts of the past
watch me get so comfortable
start to see the vision for myself
and then you tell me
there's no room, actually
and maybe
this is when i take you at your word
start making plans
start making changes
maybe
hell isn't so comfortable
maybe
heaven is a place where i know how people feel
or at least,
where i don't have to guess
maybe,
this is a world where
i'm not always wrong
always less
maybe here
i'm okay
May 3
May 3, 2026 at 2:46 AM UTC
it's not that i'm waiting
for validation
or
that i'm basing my worth
on what other people think
but it just would be nice
(really nice)
if just once
someone could fall for me
Nov 25, 2025
Nov 25, 2025 at 12:34 PM UTC
family
and great friends
and the breeze coming off of the bay
dogs
and drinks
and girl dinner
and never wanting the nights to end
i've spend so much time
waiting for a shoe to drop
that i forgot
how good this life can be
so this once
i'm going to pause
take a breath
a step back
look at all the love in the room
and enjoy it
enjoy the feeling
of a heart so full
it's almost bursting
Aug 30, 2025
Aug 30, 2025 at 12:24 AM UTC
here you are,
again,
sweetness & smiles
patience & kindness
and i'm back to thinking
that maybe,
i think i like this little life
but
it's not a life,
not really.
it's fleeting,
temporary.
it's what happens in between all of life's moments.
it's hotel rooms,
and taxi rides.
it will be gone soon.
(i was right)
May 12, 2025
May 12, 2025 at 11:55 PM UTC
yes,
i love a compliment
(i'm only human)
but this is getting confusing.
if i'm so great
why couldn't you stay?
if i'm so deserving of love
why couldn't you love me?
if i'm so beautiful
why'd you always criticize me?
you were dead-set on tearing me down.
& now,
i wonder,
do you hear yourself
when you say these sweet things to me?
what do you really think,
when you think of me?
May 4, 2025
May 4, 2025 at 12:43 AM UTC
this hurt
is new
but really, it's not
for you
i'd break my heart
over and over
if it means
getting to feel the warmth of your love,
the comfort of your embrace,
hear the peal of your laughter,
even if it's only for a moment
& maybe
there will be a time
where i get sick of the back and forth
when i get tired of the old wounds re-opening
but maybe
there will be a time
where you want to sit still
and grow with me
when you want to stay long enough
to heal me
the only way to know
is time
Mar 16, 2025
Mar 16, 2025 at 11:37 PM UTC
was i not someone worth missing six months ago?
why are you giving me
what i so badly wanted then
now?
you're giving me
'i miss you's
hand over fist
but you wouldn't give me them
when i was so alone
and crying on the phone
begging for a sign that you cared
why has my worth changed?
why was i not good enough before?
why does this hurt so much?
Nov 25, 2024
Nov 25, 2024 at 12:19 AM UTC
do you think of me?
when i'm not there?
do you play back the memories
of our times
(both good and bad)
?
or
do you forget me
once i'm out of sight?
Oct 8, 2024
Oct 8, 2024 at 10:36 PM UTC
where does it go
after this
when all is said and done
will you flit in and out of my life again
or
will i see myself out of yours
(save myself a little hurt)
(maybe)
or do we meet somewhere in the middle
not strangers,
but acquaintances of some sort
to be honest,
it's been so long
that it's hard to imagine
a life without you
but please,
don't get confused,
this doesn't mean that i want anything back
i wouldn't change anything
(except the timing)
(would have maybe tried to see the rug
before it was pulled out from under me)
rest assured,
you do not have the power any longer
it's just
strange
to think of my life
without you in it
Sep 21, 2024
Sep 21, 2024 at 10:46 PM UTC
was it worth it?
they'll ask,
the time
the effort
the love.
was it all wasted?
honestly,
i'll say,
i don't know.
it was my highest high
and some of my lowest lows
if you'd have asked me
where i thought i'd be by now
i'd tell you,
it wasn't here
i saw a future
(a long one)
full of growth
and love
and good food.
and maybe
(most likely)
i'm a naive fool
but maybe
(also likely)
i was just hopeful
so i'll stop short
of tearing my heart from my sleeve
i won't let myself grow cold and hard
i'll stay soft and tender
(for now)
Aug 14, 2024
Aug 14, 2024 at 11:07 PM UTC