m-e-b - Hello Poetry

no matter how much i sleep, rest, or nap i'm exhausted i've taken to yawning in my favorite class. no matter how easy i take it, my body still aches when i move it's frankly rather disquieting. no matter how much i clear out of my head, i'm still hurting letting go of difficult situations is hard. no matter how ahead i get, i'm still stressed for the next thing the rapidity of life is eating away at me. no matter how kind i am to those around me, i still know shame impulsivity of emotion is a thinker's nightmare. no matter how much faith i have, i still feel uncertain my god is for me, but it feels like life is against me. no matter how mature i am, i am still undercut by those older than me focusing on the positive is not going to be theraputic right now. no matter how much control i have, i'm still shackled to my anxiety i cannot just "calm down" to ease your or my own conscience. no matter how many decisions i make, there is still much left undone slowing down is a luxury, one i take guiltily and not without consequence. no matter how much i improve, i'm still bound to expectation of perfection humanity is not perfect, and neither am i, broken and inadequate, but we try, oh we try. no matter how much joy is in my life, i still feel the crushing weight of depression. i said i was doing better no matter how much i am validated by my loved ones, i still hurt myself my eating disorder has infected my system completely, down to my bones. no matter how many breaks i take i'm still being driven into the ground crying because of household tasks is pathetic. no matter how much i try to pretend life is not stressful, it's digging itself into my heart and soul. i am not okay, and those who know it are trying to keep themselves afloat i can't escape this tired, this exhausted, no matter how hard i try.

0

Jun 13, 2019

Jun 13, 2019 at 6:55 PM UTC

I'm so tired

no matter how much i sleep, rest, or nap i'm exhausted i've taken to yawning in my favorite class. no matter how easy i take it, my body still aches when i move it's frankly rather disquieting. no matter how much i clear out of my head, i'm still hurting letting go of difficult situations is hard. no matter how ahead i get, i'm still stressed for the next thing the rapidity of life is eating away at me. no matter how kind i am to those around me, i still know shame impulsivity of emotion is a thinker's nightmare. no matter how much faith i have, i still feel uncertain my god is for me, but it feels like life is against me. no matter how mature i am, i am still undercut by those older than me focusing on the positive is not going to be theraputic right now. no matter how much control i have, i'm still shackled to my anxiety i cannot just "calm down" to ease your or my own conscience. no matter how many decisions i make, there is still much left undone slowing down is a luxury, one i take guiltily and not without consequence. no matter how much i improve, i'm still bound to expectation of perfection humanity is not perfect, and neither am i, broken and inadequate, but we try, oh we try. no matter how much joy is in my life, i still feel the crushing weight of depression. i said i was doing better no matter how much i am validated by my loved ones, i still hurt myself my eating disorder has infected my system completely, down to my bones. no matter how many breaks i take i'm still being driven into the ground crying because of household tasks is pathetic. no matter how much i try to pretend life is not stressful, it's digging itself into my heart and soul. i am not okay, and those who know it are trying to keep themselves afloat i can't escape this tired, this exhausted, no matter how hard i try.

30

I've cut you out of my heart but you still invade my mind-- I see you in my sleep but you are still a memory I refuse to bring back to reality.

0

Nov 1, 2017

Nov 1, 2017 at 1:20 PM UTC

I will forget about you someday.

I've cut you out of my heart but you still invade my mind-- I see you in my sleep but you are still a memory I refuse to bring back to reality.

1

and then there were poems written about him.

0

Mar 10, 2017

Mar 10, 2017 at 7:23 PM UTC

(3)

and then there were poems written about him.

1

Sorry for existing I want to say but I know you won't understand you'll try to fix me with your words "don't say that, you are worth everything" the only kind of worth I have stings when I try to wear it I'm beaten and it's too painful to wear my scars today Sorry for existing I know I didn't do anything to hurt you but I hurt myself enough to convince my worn down mind to let me stay in under the covers today "Just choose to be happy" if I could choose to be happy don't you think I would have already tried that my eyes are so tired I'm hallucinating about a better time Sorry for existing your messages are pounding in my head like a migraine "But you look fine" Sometimes violent does not have a face, only a stomach drop an empty room an emotionless drone I can't cry out for fear my mind would hear and lock me back in Sorry for existing Maybe I just won't for a while "You don't mean that, pain is temporary" No, I'll just rest and hope sleep is kinder.

0

Jan 23, 2017

Jan 23, 2017 at 5:34 PM UTC

Sorry For Existing

Sorry for existing I want to say but I know you won't understand you'll try to fix me with your words "don't say that, you are worth everything" the only kind of worth I have stings when I try to wear it I'm beaten and it's too painful to wear my scars today Sorry for existing I know I didn't do anything to hurt you but I hurt myself enough to convince my worn down mind to let me stay in under the covers today "Just choose to be happy" if I could choose to be happy don't you think I would have already tried that my eyes are so tired I'm hallucinating about a better time Sorry for existing your messages are pounding in my head like a migraine "But you look fine" Sometimes violent does not have a face, only a stomach drop an empty room an emotionless drone I can't cry out for fear my mind would hear and lock me back in Sorry for existing Maybe I just won't for a while "You don't mean that, pain is temporary" No, I'll just rest and hope sleep is kinder.

28

This year, love has so many more meanings than the last. Love takes up more of the space in which emptiness lived until now. This year, love can be definable, or not. I've learned that some types of love do not sound like "I love you" but can only be felt. In the kind touches of a companion, of a new little sister, or of your cats. Love that can only be seen, in the pictures of you and your best friend at a party, in the face of someone who will stay on the line until you say goodbye first, in your co-star on stage when you realize you've got it down. Love that can be defined, but only in the obscurist of ways because who are we kidding; we're teenagers. "You are so good" "I can't wait to see where life takes you" become immense words of love. Love only whispered, in paying for your friend's coffee, in adding a special touch on a card, in promising to run away with your best friend when she shows up crying about her mother. Love, a light touch of mysticism, the kind that makes you stay out late talking in a Walmart parking lot, the kind that fills you when you make plans to run away to the city after graduation, the kind that takes you 40 minutes to get lost in before realizing it. This year was spent loving, maybe not even myself most of the time, but loving nonetheless. A swift movement, a soft turn, and here we are. A new year of undefinable, definable, mystical, whispered, and purposeful love. I can't wait to see where life takes us next.

0

Jan 23, 2017

Jan 23, 2017 at 5:30 PM UTC

Love

This year, love has so many more meanings than the last. Love takes up more of the space in which emptiness lived until now. This year, love can be definable, or not. I've learned that some types of love do not sound like "I love you" but can only be felt. In the kind touches of a companion, of a new little sister, or of your cats. Love that can only be seen, in the pictures of you and your best friend at a party, in the face of someone who will stay on the line until you say goodbye first, in your co-star on stage when you realize you've got it down. Love that can be defined, but only in the obscurist of ways because who are we kidding; we're teenagers. "You are so good" "I can't wait to see where life takes you" become immense words of love. Love only whispered, in paying for your friend's coffee, in adding a special touch on a card, in promising to run away with your best friend when she shows up crying about her mother. Love, a light touch of mysticism, the kind that makes you stay out late talking in a Walmart parking lot, the kind that fills you when you make plans to run away to the city after graduation, the kind that takes you 40 minutes to get lost in before realizing it. This year was spent loving, maybe not even myself most of the time, but loving nonetheless. A swift movement, a soft turn, and here we are. A new year of undefinable, definable, mystical, whispered, and purposeful love. I can't wait to see where life takes us next.

34

I want to tell you so badly how excited I am to not be friends with you anymore.

0

May 12, 2016

May 12, 2016 at 11:40 PM UTC

(2)

I want to tell you so badly how excited I am to not be friends with you anymore.

1

I want to love violently, Ripping everything to shreds with the power it gives me. I want to love gently, Dragging my fingers slowly across your cheek where the sun kisses it good morning. I want to love adventurously, With our hair whipping in the wind on the way to a city far away, driving music blaring. I want to love intentionally, By grabbing your hand and ditching a party to kiss in the dark because you're the only one I want to be with. I want to love with overflowing passion, Running to catch the bus and then our breaths after coffee took too long. I want to love without thinking, Dialing your number automatically for the slightest of things. I want all these things for my love, but most of all I want to love you, Forever.

0

Feb 17, 2016

Feb 17, 2016 at 6:47 PM UTC

For You.

I want to love violently, Ripping everything to shreds with the power it gives me. I want to love gently, Dragging my fingers slowly across your cheek where the sun kisses it good morning. I want to love adventurously, With our hair whipping in the wind on the way to a city far away, driving music blaring. I want to love intentionally, By grabbing your hand and ditching a party to kiss in the dark because you're the only one I want to be with. I want to love with overflowing passion, Running to catch the bus and then our breaths after coffee took too long. I want to love without thinking, Dialing your number automatically for the slightest of things. I want all these things for my love, but most of all I want to love you, Forever.

15

Rage licked her insides Until it burst from her In an almighty inferno, Tearing apart everything Unclean in her vicinity. She demanded that her life be worth something, And it was.

0

Jan 31, 2016

Jan 31, 2016 at 2:55 PM UTC

I will make something of myself

Rage licked her insides Until it burst from her In an almighty inferno, Tearing apart everything Unclean in her vicinity. She demanded that her life be worth something, And it was.

7

Go out and search for yourself. Find small pieces of you in the veins of a friend Or inside the forest. Find your soul sprinkled in some foreign city Miles away from home Or in your backyard Mingling among the flowers. Search for the bakeries That call your name from within Or the stranger that smiles at you as you pass. Search yourself out; There, you will find, is the purest reflection of you.

0

Dec 9, 2015

Dec 9, 2015 at 9:47 PM UTC

You

Go out and search for yourself. Find small pieces of you in the veins of a friend Or inside the forest. Find your soul sprinkled in some foreign city Miles away from home Or in your backyard Mingling among the flowers. Search for the bakeries That call your name from within Or the stranger that smiles at you as you pass. Search yourself out; There, you will find, is the purest reflection of you.

12

I will wait for the one who feels like baking sugar cookies For the one that smells like climbing trees For the one that looks like a morning after sleeping in a hotel For the one that sounds like smiling before a roller coaster takes off For the one that tastes like swimming way after the sun has gone down I will wait.

0

Jun 25, 2015

Jun 25, 2015 at 10:15 PM UTC

I Will Wait

I will wait for the one who feels like baking sugar cookies For the one that smells like climbing trees For the one that looks like a morning after sleeping in a hotel For the one that sounds like smiling before a roller coaster takes off For the one that tastes like swimming way after the sun has gone down I will wait.

6