he always calls me by my given name
whenever he finds himself back in town;
mariela on the dotted line,
mari in the moonlight.
ella if he's feeling smug,
bunny when he's looking for God.
he knows my history is shaded with blue,
marred by narrowly-won home-front wars.
everything about me reminds him
of Heaven and sweet, honeyed beaches.
sandy cheeks from moonbathing, ****
by clyde's stagecoach motel on the coast.
barefoot and manic, he tastes like sugar
and complements the *** on my tongue.
green-eyed with envy, but he's sweet
enough to make my mind grow hazy
with the lust of a woman gone mad from her fears.
he rolls through on the tail-end of a storm
and dizzies me until the dream ends
and i find he's left me only morning dew.
he tells me i'm an angel, lazily smoking
cigarettes while he lounges, gloomy, by the pool.
sunshine bikini singing sailor songs softly,
cool in my gold hoops dancing between
his open thighs, signaling gamine doom.
he's larger than life, starry-eyed,
reading me poetry against his olive chest.
i could die here, i know this, listening
to the gentle tune of his heartbeat.
he tells me he'll love me only until tomorrow,
but i'm not so sure that's the truth.
when the playdate ends,
when the sun dies slow,
when my love goes home
i'll awaken,
but not just yet.
Feb 26, 2022
Feb 26, 2022 at 10:31 PM UTC
if I sing you Russian melodies
will you cease your hypnotizing?
Mario, oh, my Mario!
you never wanted a real girl,
did you? you see --
you fell in love with a daydream,
but you know I'm not that smart
can't seem to remember my lines
and now my mask is cracking
-- don't look! you'll see me for
exactly who I am, exactly who I'm not
all the imperfections I hid so carefully
for you are spilling out just like my guts
every time you twist the knife with
another lie, another blunt
you scrambled my brains so sweetly!
picked them apart 'til they were yours
well, darling, did I live up to your fantasy?
did things play out the way you'd hoped?
was your muse perfect or did she drop the ball?
I seem to have lost my grip as of late
but admittedly, I'm the only one laughing
you seem bored, shall I entertain?
my jester hat's a little dusty,
my ********** a little rusty
but I can plaster on a smile and dance for you
if that's what your heart is after
and when you're done, I'll dote on you
quietly; I won't get in your way!
after all, you only like the girls who will behave
maybe if I'd worshipped you blindly,
not fought for control of myself
or let my pride block out the brainwashing
we could be happy together forever
but I'm not as bright as you and my heart
just isn't as pure! why am I in school
when I could be barefoot and pregnant for you?
the only gift I have is between my legs,
isn't that what you said in a fit of jealousy?
oh no! I've done it again! I forgot my lines
can't you see? I need you to guide me
I can't make it on my own!
what is it I'm meant to say? tell me,
do you still love me? (hardly!)
Mario, oh, my Mario!
maybe I'm just not fit for the part
this role is much too difficult, so let me sing
-- yes! let me sing! a ballad just for you
or better yet, start the film again
promise this time I'll remember to play along
Dec 15, 2021
Dec 15, 2021 at 2:16 AM UTC
dancing hazily as he smokes
lazily, blue-lipped Turkish square;
cherry brighter than his love.
fiendishly palming in the dark;
superstition rules his life like
his favorite little white *** lush.
summer died like his bride in
November; consummation in progress.
angel sent by sunbeams and sugar cane;
siren sent silently from some Caribbean island
beckoning him from across the realm.
headshot, sawed-off, ethereal glow.
vows breathed fearfully as fists rained down.
her name's on the tip of his tongue,
but he's so far gone now his memory's grown
fuzzy, though surely he's not forgotten.
how could he forget his one true love?
the one he risked it all for, fought God for;
his most prized possession, his pin-up
queen found in pieces on the streets
of Paradise Valley just past Wyoming,
glittering just outside the strip club.
rhinestones like diamonds decorated her flesh,
black eyes from a man who came and left,
tiger stripe bruises from the ones who
could never love her the way he could.
had he dreamt her? or was she real?
were her tears or her blood real?
****** had bonded their souls and as if
by the grace of God her spirit haunted him
spitefully; her apparition found him frightened
in his hide out in the desert and he knew
he had to settle the score, so he headed east
back to the scene of the crime, back to
the city it all began and he begged her
to let his soul rest as he had not let hers.
his girl, his princesa, his Bonnie, his jewel,
the one he had so shamelessly and brutally
left for dead on the side of the road in fresh snow,
laughed viciously at his fearful pleas and
reminded him of all the life she had missed,
all the innocence lost on a drunken whim
because he had no control over the demon
that made itself a bed in his heart or
the weakness he felt when he saw how broke
her heart was over a man who was anyone
but him; and in an instant he had known what to do,
promising her the world as he destroyed
what good she possessed until she was nothing
more than a cold body in the passenger's seat
of his slate grey beater. he knew he would
never be free from visions of her smiling and
singing 'i love you's as he took her life until he
took his. if there really is a God out there,
he's a cruel master, but so too is a lover who
goes rogue when his love's gone up in flames.
Oct 3, 2021
Oct 3, 2021 at 4:36 AM UTC
degenerate beauty queen
treasure from the dredge of the Earth
strung up like Christmas lights
white crystal **** aflame
hydrangeas cower from her gaze
pink ribbons stained with age
droop lonesome in soft noir locks
pulled loose from men along the way
she'll be lucky if she doesn't die young
photos on the television
gunned down in some gang's maze
or somewhere in the gutters she calls home
expensive death bought by scratch
she'll be lucky to make it to twenty three
cigarettes and xanax soothe her to sleep
dancing on a silver pole took her hazily
high school diploma left her trailer park bound
never felt love 'less it came from a bottle
kissed only by knuckles since she began
running from ambitions to become no one
just someone's baby mama left shattered
she smiles to the world, for anyone who can see
inside she's full of rage, i see the tear stains
mascara runs black from her bambi eyes
complacent at best, naïve at worst
****** never grew up, she just grew angrier
i pray for you and the person you've become
ring me when you find your head
ring me when you find your way home
there's nothing from you that i wanna take
no matter how insignificant or terrifying
i love you forever and always
Oct 3, 2021
Oct 3, 2021 at 3:22 AM UTC
i don't think of you anymore
my mind's too full of cotton
cigarettes and ligatures remind me
of all the things i'm not missing
when i become stardust
maybe then i will know
the veil will slip from my eyes
and i will see you for the beast
you've made yourself
we're sinking slowly
slipping into that lonely sea
transfixed by visions of a life
so many lightyears away
in lace and chiffon
where i bear you the gift of child
and you seek refuge
in another woman's kiss
we've lost it now, darling
it's spilled from your chalice
and it's stained my sallow cheeks
don't sing me faux praise
you know it's far too late
and i know you feel it too
the void's become too large
you can't navigate this one
your ship is far too worn
if you loved me at all, do tell me
what it is we could've had
if i'd have let you take me away
to a nearby or foreign land?
i love you more than heaven
but our time's running out too fast
we ought to say goodbye now
nothing good can ever last
i'm sorry
Sep 29, 2021
Sep 29, 2021 at 5:40 PM UTC
would you be surprised to know i still dream
of *** treasure troves and storms at sea?
when it's black out and the earth is humid,
waves rush in and strike me down like cupid.
i remember jupiter and selling stars on the boulevard.
whoever you are; my lover, my ****
call me your good girl and kiss my tears away.
pegasus dancin' as savages ravage my rose garden
and tell me i got everything i wanted.
raspberries litter the ground of my home;
asphyxiating on the smog of a roach.
tell me you love me 'fore my heart can roam;
tail-lights like rubies dash past my eyes.
the sun dies in neon, but what about me?
so bathe me in red, white, and blue.
why can't i forget to dream of you?
killing me softly with your bare hands;
never felt as loved by any other man.
you're so much larger than life,
murderous rage disguised as love while i smiled wide.
i laugh while i cry so i don't feel so low,
but tiger stripe bruises will never fade.
well, everyone loved me until i went rogue.
now they're spray-painting outside my home.
blood drips down slow, molasses and sweet;
the village i roamed now cowers under my feet.
please, mr. rager, won't you spin me a story;
tell me again about your days of glory.
sing me something pretty as i drink 'til i ache.
Jul 17, 2021
Jul 17, 2021 at 3:12 AM UTC
i wear my diamonds on the daily
doesn't matter where i go
i like to watch the flags a-wavin'
reminds me why he's still not home
and i cook up ultraviolence
dope and glitter on the stove
keepin' it hot for when he gets here
gotta make sure his safe is full
he's a bad boy, on a roll
likes to watch me smoke
while i work the pole
and he's all mine, cherry pie
like to ride shotgun
when it's do or die
he don't do nothing for free but
he's free as one can be
gives his pretty baby everything
that her iced out heart can dream
with his sawed-off in his lap
i know that this is where it ends
and if i die by his sailor hands
i'll make sure to kiss god's rings
Jul 17, 2021
Jul 17, 2021 at 2:41 AM UTC
ethereal, if only
tricks learnt from the Lizard King
debutant smile while my world was burning
escape the ashes, run to the ends of the Earth
the Ol' Wild West is your home now
don't ring me, the phone's ripped off the hook
the face of a stranger, a brother, a friend
burned into my eyelids
haunts my dreamscape; no peace, no end
lip gloss kisses, reminiscing
butterflies gathered atop my rose bush
thunder in the distance, dancing in the kitchen
won't be long now, shouldn't be long now
everything's falling into place
Jesus knows i've lost my way
but He welcomes me into that Lonely Sea
glimmering nostalgic blue
a place and time from long ago
before the car crash, before the ******
sirens singing, streamers blown by breeze
green keychain, truck just for me
where am i going, where have i been
the moon shines for You and only You
while the stars all play peek-a-boo
casting an otherworldly glow upon Your face
maybe it's here, maybe this is the place
i've come undone, my seams unraveled
let bygones be bygones, but how can i remain?
when You're near, i'm in the eye of the storm
a deep aching pain soothed only by Your touch
don't be frightened of my gaze, darling, i'm beaming
Angel Baby with gilded glow
forever Yours, You're my home
Apr 28, 2021
Apr 28, 2021 at 3:05 AM UTC
we are the champion kids,
mean starry-eyed gangster babies,
fresh from the trailer park;
soaking up diamanté danger
in glittering pink sequin bikinis
and rhinestone cowboy hats.
sunset swinging boricua gold hips,
robbers dripping virginal deceit as
'nilla ice cream coats fruit punch lips,
sighing softly under neon moonlight
as we stumble through camelot,
drunk off the fumes of the city.
hollywood heavenly stars light up
our flesh and the fake palm trees
at the 76, a true downriver delight.
degenerate beauty queens beaten blue
by cinema kings craving insanity
and perfection in sweet cocaina lines,
selling our souls to weekly devils
for a big shot of treasure trove ***
chain-smoking cigarettes because he
called me his pretty little gangster baby;
lazily watching him fly through traffic,
i love his rollercoaster disco mind.
falling in and falling out of the world,
floating across the sparkling nebulae
as he waves his pistol and blue paper
in my face, hoping i'll awaken from
dope saturated celluloid dreams.
praying my baby will come back to me
from the crackhouse down the street;
she smiles to the world, but i can see
the tear stains on her golden cheeks.
Mar 24, 2020
Mar 24, 2020 at 5:28 AM UTC
he’s larger than life,
a caricature of patriotism
in a thompson-esque world
of mania and devilish charm.
one hand on my waist,
the other on his new pistol;
puts me in a trance
watching him smoke cuban missiles.
sirens crying out at sea
won’t lure him into turquoise waves.
swears he’s from the tribe
that calls appalachia home,
but the mountains vehemently refuse;
cherokee roots thatta ways don’t grow.
i wished for his violent affection;
it felt like heaven’s projection,
but when i found a life worth living for
freedom he wasn’t willing to award.
swore he’d buy me the stars and
bestow a nomadic nebula to me,
but only if i sold him my soul
and gave him my castle’s key.
no amount of holy white flames
will devour the fingerprints and dirt
he coated my exquisite flesh in,
but i can paint them to show
the horrors from which i’ll grow.
strangled up in ivy and a kaleidoscopic spin,
breathing my vows while he dips me, achilles,
in that vile city river of sin.
Mar 11, 2020
Mar 11, 2020 at 2:44 PM UTC