I hope to find peace
in the still of the night
and the glory of false promises
I see that we hold fast to our merits
in which we find ourselves turning to say
words we often regret
that lay in a bittersweet caricature
or even perhaps a decoy
of whats true
we used to communicate
through tears
and words so heavy
that even cement
had envy in its eye
when it looked upon the flesh
of the very thing we bore
from a devilish tongue
covered in copious amounts
of stale laments
and polished with the
promises we could never keep
I often think of your eyes
and how they used to catch me
now they avoid me
and watch as I fall
to nothing
I hope to find peace
and if not now
one day
I hope
you will catch me again
so that I could slip into
eternity bound to you by a light
made of my own volition
and basked in the aura of the vision
that one day you will hold me
and say you are mine
Forever.
Feb 20, 2022
Feb 20, 2022 at 3:05 AM UTC
shall I take each breath and spin it into gold
Or will you only notice me when I'm old
your eye always catches on the fragile girl
who seeks nothing and waits her turn to speak
but I was not raised with rubies nor pearls
so why is it I who you say is weak?
for if I would have known that love would hurt like this
I would have never given you my first kiss
I would have slammed the door in your face
then be left with my own regression
all I wanted was your embrace
I would have waited my turn to fall into succession
For love can only happen when it is mutual
and I have been far to brutal
In my attempts to catch your eye
I have burned myself down to the wire
I have been bold in my attempts to lie
that the thing I am now left with is desire
to hold and kiss you and make you see
that it was always you that was dear to me
Feb 17, 2021
Feb 17, 2021 at 12:33 AM UTC
Ive felt cold before
smooth and soft like silk on a bed of crushed roses
wrapped in blue velvet
patterned like flowers in a garden that never grows
cool to the touch
showered in tears
memories buried with it
Ive felt cold too many times
it sticks and stings like sandburs to the bottom of my feet
relentless and overbearing sounding and ringing like alarms
I want to wake but I feel trapped in a dream
I feel cold
but at least I'm feeling something
numbness takes and claims my body periodically
like an abusive lover whom I take back to lay in my bed each night
wrapping me in waves of grief and swallowing me whole
Im grasping on to anything that will help me feel
but each time I reach out I feel cold
it creeps up on me and consumes me
I've felt cold ever since I lost you
Nov 29, 2020
Nov 29, 2020 at 2:56 AM UTC
Love is underestimated
Love is complex
Love is misunderstood
Love can hurt
The pain is crushing
Love causes dizzy spells and long nights with strong cups of coffee to follow
Love causes baggy eyes and long drives
Love makes your knees weak
Love forces you to smile when you don't want to
Love makes your head hurt and your lips buzz from excitement
Love is a shapeshifter
Love mends the gaps you never knew you needed filled
when they defined love as an intense feeling of deep affection
they neglected to acknowledge
the intense feeling of dread that can come with it
Love takes root in your pain
Love lets itself grow from the moisture of your tears.
Your heart becomes tender
your feelings are magnified
Even in the absence of those
whom you shared a deep connection with
Love still lingers in you
Love strengthens the body, soul, and mind.
it can be hard to love when the pain is so prevalent
but the pain will subside
Love will take your broken pieces
Love will work its way around you
Love will envelop you
Love will close you in
and form unbreakable bonds that guide you in times of uncertainty
Love hurts
Love heals
Love guides
Sep 10, 2020
Sep 10, 2020 at 1:36 AM UTC
I remember the moment
I first fell in love with you
It was dark
A soft blue light was glowing
you hugged me and
In that moment
I felt electricity rip through my body
Jul 20, 2020
Jul 20, 2020 at 1:07 AM UTC
My tear drops stain my pillow
The stains are time capsules
They hold each moment of sadness
And all the words I couldn't say
When I'm sad I lay in my bed
I daydream of a different life
I often see a house
A small one with a fenced in yard
And a garden filled with beautiful pale pastel tulips
The house holds all my dreams
It holds everything I've ever wanted
The worst part about my daydreams is that I can't find the key to the house
But I love imagining whats in there
My tear drops stain my pillow
When I see the stains
They remind me that im a survivor
They remind me that I survived the hurtful memory those stains were tied to
The stains will eventually fade
Just like the hurt
Apr 26, 2020
Apr 26, 2020 at 11:01 PM UTC
Tomorrow always felt like it was years away as a child
I would wait in anticipation for it
I fell in love with Tomorrow
Until I started to be pushed toward Tomorrow
Tomorrow drew closer as we got older
I started to notice that Tomorrow began to creep into my head
Tomorrow became a due date
Tomorrow became one of the major things that fueled my anxiety
In my mind there was never enough time between the present and Tomorrow
Tomorrow began to tear at my sanity
Tomorrow inserted itself into the most private places of my mind
It built itself a home there
I never wanted to see Tomorrow
But when I met you
I started to anticipate Tomorrow again
Tomorrow no longer felt like a death sentence
Tomorrow became one of my biggest goals
If I could make it to Tomorrow
That meant I could make it to you
I learned that Tomorrow is never guaranteed
I no longer fear Tomorrow
I embrace it
You helped me realize that Tomorrow is not Infinite
We all will eventually run out of Tomorrows
So instead of worrying I will dream and imagine what Tomorrow will bring
Because at one point in time a Tomorrow brought me you
Mar 24, 2020
Mar 24, 2020 at 10:57 PM UTC
I miss being in love with you
the electricity we once had ceases to exist
you feel different now
pieces of you have been torn away
and locked in a space where I cant find them
i'm reaching out in cloud of mist that your tears have created
i'm aimlessly grasping at the old memories we shared
fighting the cool beads of moisture that sting my eyes
you put up your defenses
you made yourself distant
people say that if you truly love someone distance doesn't matter.
but when that person is emotionally absent
and has placed themselves in the hands
of those that fabricate the idea of being whole
you have no choice but to say goodbye.
I want you near me
I want you to tell me that you care
but you're so numb to emotion
that i'm just collateral damage
and you're to invested in the darkness
to see my light
Feb 19, 2020
Feb 19, 2020 at 9:42 PM UTC
Sometimes I feel like we lose ourselves in the madness of life. We hold things in and are scared of being vulnerable with one another. I feel like humanity is so desensitized to emotion. We claim to feel things but often our feelings are just fabrications of what we want to feel. I think this is why love is a concept thats foreign to me. I've said "I love you" so many times but I don't think I've ever really meant it. I'm so desensitized to the word that my heart feels grainy and saturated in false ideas.
The thing is you have cleared the fog of lies that crowded my heart. I feel electric when you're near me. That's dangerous for Me. I'm not used to feeling such intense and real emotion. I'm used to going through life on a generic understanding of feeling. Something about the way you say my name makes my stomach jump and my heart speed up. You're causing physical changes my body is reacting to you. You caused my soul to wake up and seek you out. I'm beginning to see things my quality of life is improving. I want change I want to break out of the conformity that society has placed me in. It's all because you reached out your hand and saved me from drowning in my own fabrications of love. Thank you for showing me what true love is. Thank you for showing me that love still exists.
Jan 7, 2020
Jan 7, 2020 at 4:03 AM UTC
I'm here but I'm not alive
Even when I don't want to be. I'm still here. I guess what I'm trying to say is I haven't given up completely. There are still parts of me that are whole. There are still things that I love about this earth. I'm not ready to lose it all. I am tired, but I haven't lost my hope. If I can hold onto the good my life will correct itself again.
Dec 28, 2019
Dec 28, 2019 at 3:19 AM UTC