Valentines day, oh valentines day.
A day where even people in relationships, can feel unwanted-unloved.
A holiday that eats me to the core, every **** year.
A memorable day, years ago.
In school, they always sold carnations.
The antisipation every week they sold, kids spending their parents money for a simple flower for their sweetheart, best friend, or a aquatince.
February 14th, all the flowers get passed out.
Every year, everybody got one.. expect me.
Going home, feeling alone, and no one to talk to.
My father would always have a valentine waiting for my sisters and I.
Although, when they came home with flowers as well...my father could see the hurt in my eyes behind the "thank you so dad" in my voice.
He would always put a little extra note in mine "you're a good one, kiddo"
6 years later, I dont receive valentines.
With his passing, came even more deviation on this holiday.
I cant seem to shake this feeling.
I'm lost, with no direction.
Still feeling 15, at almost 22.
Alone.
This day makes me miss the old days.
RIP Daddio, fly high free bird.
Feb 14, 2019
Feb 14, 2019 at 12:22 PM UTC
I find social networking distorted communication
you hardly see face to face conversations
just excessive clicking on keyboards
n’ anxious minds waiting for replies
no one takes the time to enjoy the company who is present
I can’t decipher true emotions through all this commotion of texts, and private messages.
talking to people who aren’t in the same location is vague
The internet is an addiction widespread like a pelage
my frustration with corrupted socializing starts with facebook
Never again will I sign up for any false friendship making world wide web connections
I give you no other choice.
use your voice,
to say what you need to say,
use your hands,
to paint what you need to convey
use your legs,
to sway your own way
What worries me the most, is its not only teenagers,
adults are getting ****** in too.
TRY logging off, being disconnected is relieving
I’m notified about the **** that matters when it happens
can count the number of sincere friends I have on one hand
I don’t understand how some people can spend hours surfing through a news feed filled with constant updates from others.
It took me two years to realize I was wasting my time posting about my journey through existence to people who don’t give a ****
What really make me insane is those people who post every **** detail of their life, as if trying to write an autobiography of ALL their vacations, foods, relations, moods
These posts of so called “picture perfect” lives is none of my business
So instead of sitting in front of a dimly lit screen trying to save battery power, I charge myself up and play this funny game called life
I spend parts of my day with my best friend mary jane
I might even bury my face into a book, which is highly doubtful
but more likely than me posting on social media about what I’m doing at this moment in time.
Now first impressions come from profile pictures,
and number of likes you get on a status.
Think next time you post something personal
cause thats being stashed in cyberspace, not knowing where its stored
posting when you're bored, about how you scored at a party last night
in spite that its your best friends girlfriend,
but you were to drunk to remember.
Even worse sharing photos of underage drinking
not even thinking about who can see the evidence
of your stupidity, not lucidly taking in your actions
but you look at the fraction 9 out of 300 facebook "friends"
liked your status, thinking you've got a stratus
letting it ruin your day,
bruin about how a girl with half her clothes on has
700 likes n’ 5,000 comments from pigs,
because thats what social media is
a popularity contest, with the best updates
sluttiest photos, and juicy drama
log off
doff the social content through technology completely
its easy.
brace yourself,
have to talk to my face
not through the space of miles, through your screen
I'm not an ordinary teen, just wanting to be seen for who I am
not my online profile
which you won't find because
I don't tell facebook what’s on my mind
tweet about what I eat
instagram my outfit of the day
I am what you see, plus my poetry
my distinctive personality isn't shared
through an internet related source
This isn’t out of force, my own choice in which I rejoice in the fact that I no longer waste my precious time reading about everybody else’s life,
and just living mine
thus giving me more of a voice, rather thinking I need to type everything in my head
instead, I speak my mind aloud for everyone to hear,
bolder than my outfit, shoes, and my hair.
I do this without shedding a tear
you'd realize if you stepped back
you lack the strength
to go a length of time
its not a crime,
its time
to log off.
Mar 29, 2016
Mar 29, 2016 at 12:57 PM UTC
I don't know what to say, choked up on words trying to understand what your going though
when your in pain, my knees ache as you describe
the horror you face everyday.
things have changed
more than I can explain.
My life is like a 1000 piece puzzle
when i'm asked to describe it
I have to put each piece exactly where it fits
for the main picture to come together
This isn't an ordinary puzzle
it has 7 extra pieces
no boarder
and the picture is a swirling mass of
black, grays, and whites.
things have changed
so much it makes me sad
just to explain
from one poison to another
alcohol to chemotherapy
your days changed from
hangovers to hanging on for dear life
I watch you nod in and out of sleep
all day long
lay in your bed, silent
with the background of cartoons
you reached your hand out
I lay mind on top of it
and you squeeze
you open your eyes
and look at me
"I know your here, i love you"
as he says laying his head back down on his pillow
closing his eyes, back to sleep
Dec 25, 2015
Dec 25, 2015 at 7:04 AM UTC
these past two years have been empty
bottomless, like nothing will ever see light
a canyon of separation, so much space in-between us I've lost you
now I'm frantically searching for my missing parent
just. like. joe. dirt.
Instead of looking at the moon, wonderin' if you're looking at the same thing in the exact moment
I wonder if you are the moon, the stars, the outer-space filling the void of everything else in-between.
where are you?
The hardest thing about losing a parent due to death, is not knowing where their soul has ended up.
I stare at his urn, hoping that he's not trapped
hoping he's not witnessing the struggle it is to live without him
these years have been empty
bottomless, like nothing will ever see light
that one chair when we all occasionally eat around the dinner table
empty
one side of my mothers bed.
empty
the other half of meaningful conversations
silence
"I love you dad" I say it aloud
silence
Dec 25, 2015
Dec 25, 2015 at 6:55 AM UTC
When you're going the opposite way,
of the way you recognize everything seems to be a whirlwind
Dec 25, 2015
Dec 25, 2015 at 6:43 AM UTC
I'm so sick of sitting inside
I don't want to hide from the world
curled up at my desk, chest in knots
spot the sun through the window
letting a piece of glass keep me from smelling fresh air
I swear school isn't for me but, I need a degree to pay for a car
can't wish upon a star, it will end up in a spar
by far a genius from the fetus slow since birth,
for what its worth I'm a bull , full of undying love for work
I won't smirk or be a **** just there to do the job
I'm no heart throb, or even a slob
I just hate school, I don't find it a tool
more like a rule, 13 years of learning, earning a place in society
I know I'll never be top dog just a lower frog
I'll be a mower, if thats what I have to
my view of life isn't how successful I am
that's just a scam
**** If I'm happy
life can't be ******
Dec 7, 2015
Dec 7, 2015 at 2:50 PM UTC
I want to make misery my ***** n' not my closest friend.
Dec 7, 2015
Dec 7, 2015 at 12:06 PM UTC
I don’t know where to start, we need time apart
don’t say we’re so much alike, we clash
I’m nothing like you
Despite what you think, lying isn’t part of my lifestyle
You’ve created this “life” that you’ve build on lies
this style you’ve formed on others opinions, wants, needs
What happened to you?
I could say when I was younger I looked up to you
wanted to be the mirror image right down to the straight across bangs
that was 6th grade.
Now it seems like you’re looking down on me, a piece of **** on the shoe
just a teenager is what you’ve labeled me
one year, and 4 months I’ll be 18
is that when I’ll finally be a someone to you, not only someone
but you’re god **** daughter.
Yes, I’m young but whats ****** up is
I’m convincing you to stop using the internet to meet men
Rinsing your hair of bleach, spending a fortune of on skin care
Who are you?
This is where I begin to preach, theres a breach in the system
wires crossed, burnt, n’ broken
thus causing an outtage of ******* patience I have for you.
Most the decisions you make, boggle my mind
you always choose the path less traveled by,
voyaging through potholes and quicksand
you’re stinking, stuck
things won’t change, its to late
Nov 19, 2015
Nov 19, 2015 at 2:53 PM UTC
I was taught in school that kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray,
but kissing you is like taking a long drag after a rough day at work.
Sep 20, 2015
Sep 20, 2015 at 2:52 PM UTC
I’m guilt-ridden over wanting what I don’t have
n’ not being appreciative of what I’ve got
scenery is all based on perspective
don’t need a view when you’ve got sweet tunes to relax the mind
cavity craving anything with a good beat
and lyrics that mean something
spend hours flowing from genre to genre
exploring the sounds of new and old
these tunes
pound through my headphones
feeling the beat through my veins
as though my heart beats
to every drum solo
I hum when I'm happy
from sappy love songs
to classic rock
Im no good with small talk
lets get high and talk about life
to death,
and everything i n
b e t w e e n
put on some jams,
smoke a couple grams,
and just be
happy
Sep 15, 2015
Sep 15, 2015 at 7:39 AM UTC