i cannot seem to forget
the smallness i had become.
bruised thighs
and sunken eyes
were my reality;
my skin was devoid of
any nutrients,
fragile and delicate.
i could vanish
into nothingness
like quicksand.
my days bled into
one another,
fingers frozen,
heart barely beating,
lungs hardly breathing.
i stared down the
barrel of the gun,
wished to purge my urges,
sat in an endlessly deep
pool of misery until
drowning was all i could do.
i replaced food with air,
consuming empty calories
and dug knives into
my skin as a personal hobby.
i am an open would
that never heals,
and i am desperate
to move on.
Feb 8, 2022
Feb 8, 2022 at 5:39 PM UTC
i have been swallowed by
my own reflection;
bones protrude through
pallid thin skin,
organs caving in
my stomach hoards a
swarm of bees,
buzzing through the
empty cavern that is
my translucent flesh.
i am a ravenous dog
teeth bearing,
devouring only water and air
i purge myself clean,
spill out empty calories
and irrational rumination,
skeleton hanging out of
a hollow casket,
appetite smaller than my waist.
i am freezing cold,
lanugo littering my body,
wanting to throw myself
in a fire,
to feel the warmth
that others feel.
i am a void -
this body is not my own.
Mar 17, 2021
Mar 17, 2021 at 10:16 PM UTC
my heart throbs with every breath.
bodies hit the ground one by one,
and i am left with the smell of copper and sulfur
swimming in my nostrils.
fevered with fatigue,
and twisted with despair,
i run;
i run till my legs go weak,
till my lungs shriek,
till the tears in my eyes run dry,
and i am held captive on this road of brutal ******
and merciless destruction.
there is no refuge,
no safe haven -
just hollow spirits
combined with empty caverns
where organs used to reside.
gunshots echo in my ears,
am i really here?
why is the smoke swallowing me whole?
i have no home,
so i hide;
i trip over emaciated fragments
of my family,
hesitating to hold them.
where's the hope?
Nov 13, 2020
Nov 13, 2020 at 2:25 PM UTC
you were the first-
the first kiss,
silky lips one with each other,
skin to skin,
bone to bone,
my fingers caressing the prized jewel
that is your body,
hands gliding along your waist,
sliding down every curvature and crevice
god gave you.
you were
the first 'i love you',
hair whipping in the wind,
heart beating a mile a minute,
your eyes interlaced w my soul,
gracing my own.
and though it is unholy
to crave the sun
when I am only a star,
I won't repent my sins,
for you are the reason
planets twirl
and I exist.
-i want you to be the last.
Jan 25, 2019
Jan 25, 2019 at 2:18 PM UTC
you never feared death;
you embraced it.
you let the demons linger
in the background,
gnawing at faded photographs
and grey memories
of the years past-
when life was simple.
when recollection didn’t
fester up in open wounds,
and your darkest secrets
weren’t crawling in grungy corners
amongst the hidden truth.
you never feared death;
you welcomed it.
you allowed the beasts to creep
into the depths of your demise,
conjuring up nightmares within
the shadows of your subconscious,
screeching to be saved,
yet you can’t hear it.
you never feared death;
you accepted it.
you fell in love with
the anatomy of a gun,
how bullets gracefully leave
the barrel until
the entire magazine is gone-
and the glorious recoil.
but somehow,
there was no warning,
no bright yellow caution sign screaming,
“help me”
no “i love you’s,” and no “goodbyes”;
now,
all we have left is
the ghost of you-
the blood-stained wall,
the haunting images
of your bloodshot eyes
and limp carcass-
on a bed i used to sleep in.
Oct 4, 2018
Oct 4, 2018 at 6:28 PM UTC
my soul is in another dimension
these thoughts are floating in space,
fingertips frozen in place,
and my heart is encased in a steel cage;
my key has been thrown away.
i can't reach my reality
it hovers in front of me,
pleading to be caught.
it's too far to grasp.
i'm afraid i'll never reach it.
Aug 6, 2018
Aug 6, 2018 at 10:17 AM UTC
honey suckle runs through my veins.
i am adrift,
she approaches me,
brightness glowing around her.
her arms reach out,
touching my brittle ***** body,
replenishing the strength i never had.
i cry tears of joy;
redemption is here.
the light has been restored.
i am renewed.
Jul 28, 2018
Jul 28, 2018 at 5:35 PM UTC
i am a skeleton,
with crumbling bones
and an irregular beating heart
on the brink of collapsing.
i am an ice cold silhouette
of a girl with sunken eyes
and shriveled lungs
slowly shrinking inside
my concaved chest.
my hips protrude like shards of glass,
shattering onto the gaps between my thighs,
and my collarbones
are sharper than knives,
slicing and dicing
a year off my life everyday.
i am a rotten corpse,
with worn out ribs
and a cracked spine
disintegrating into nothing but
ash and dust.
this is what death looks like.
i am not my own.
Feb 17, 2018
Feb 17, 2018 at 11:28 AM UTC
nothing.
i was ****** knuckles and
bruised wrists
hiding beneath broken tables
and a heart beating too fast
to keep up with.
she lived in lies
while i was busy building walls to
barricade the battle cries
haunting me at night.
he was beer bottles and
a brazen tongue twisting
words into bullets,
firing empty threats
at a child far too gone.
i didn’t ask for
reckless rages and
abuse that left me
struggling to stay alive
nor did i want to experience
the epitome of a nightmare.
i was afraid.
love was an unfamiliar concept,
spilling out of their skulls,
staining the tile floor
and there’s no way to pour
it all back,
so im left homeless
in a dark alley way,
begging for a miracle
i know won’t come.
Feb 11, 2018
Feb 11, 2018 at 8:51 AM UTC
there are two more days until 2018. believe in yourself. this year may have been hard on you, but just know that you are worth so much more than what has happened to you. i love you all. happy new years. you guys got this!
Dec 30, 2017
Dec 30, 2017 at 4:03 PM UTC