I swore I wrote my last poem for you
But here’s another out of the blue.
On this day, I hope you are filled with love
From yourself and the people you have.
I hope joy now reaches your eyes.
Through time, I hope you grew wise.
I hope you cherish people more,
Built relationships stonger than before.
I hope you have peace
In every aspect there is.
I pray for a love that that accepts and is faithful,
Forgiving, patient, and truthful.
I hope the clouds aren’t shrouding you anymore
And that the sun is warm as it reaches your core.
Know that for years I’ll remember,
To be thankful for your life every twenty-third of October.
Oct 29, 2020
Oct 29, 2020 at 1:20 PM UTC
I looked at the world and said it’s beautiful
With eyes bright and days of laughter
My hands were held and I feel warm inside
I looked at the world and said it’s beautiful
My heart on my sleeve, I was never afraid to share love
People are good and kind; yes, everything’s alright
I looked at the world and said it’s beautiful
I poured myself to passion, showed kindness and compassion
I chased my dreams and felt that nothing is impossible
I looked at the world and said it’s beautiful
Shared sunset and night skies
We went on adventures and stayed up all night
I looked at the world and say it’s beautiful
Betrayal and lies had left my heart broken
Tears watered my soul but I’m still breathing alright
I looked at the world and asked, is it still beautiful?
The flowers I love had withered
I walked on the stony path alone and wounded
I looked at the world and it was not beautiful
Pulled at the bottom of the ocean, I cannot breathe
It was dark and I felt numb; is this what the end feels like?
I look at the world and hope I can say again that it’s beautiful
Out of breathe I struggled to reach the shore,
But my head is above water and dawn is breaking
I look at the world and know it won’t always be beautiful
Like the two sides of the same coin, I have to see what doesn’t look pretty
Because beauty may also mean continuing even if it’s messy and ugly.
I look at the world and hope to always see its beauty,
To find light in darkness like the stars in the night sky,
To remember that the most beautiful flowers bloom even in adversity.
Jun 19, 2019
Jun 19, 2019 at 9:51 AM UTC
Hiniling kong bumalik ka
Nagbabakasakaling maging tama.
Ninais kong manatili sa tabi mo,
Umasang mapansin mo rin ako.
Lumbay ng kahapon,
Nadama nang ako'y itapon
Tayo'y isang maling akala
Nagbakasakali't hiniling ko sa mga tala
Sa pagsulat ng mga titik at salita,
Nagbabakasakaling pagmamahal ay mawawala,
Pero tila hanggang ngayon
Pag-ibig ko'y sayo pa rin nakatuon.
Ayaw ko na sanang gambalain ka.
Alam ko namang ayaw mo na.
Tulad ng alon ay magpalaya,
Bakasakaling tayo'y maging maligaya.
Pagod na kong lumaban
Para sa mga taong nang-iwan.
Lugmok at luhaan,
Tulad nila'y isinantabi mo ko't sinugatan.
Sa aking pagbabakasakali
Baka sa tamang panaho'y magkitang muli
Tulad mo'y ipauubaya nalang kay tadhana
Ang pagdating ng taong magmamahal sakin ng tama.
Apr 9, 2019
Apr 9, 2019 at 7:35 AM UTC
Sabi mo, "Biktima tayo ni tadhana"
Teka, hindi ko ata makuha
Tayo ba'y mga manika
Na sumusunod lang sa galaw ng kamay ni tadhana?
Tila sa gitna nag-umpisa,
Mali ang naging simula,
Minadali natin ang lahat
Kaya ngayo'y may mga pasa at sugat
Patawad ang sinabit
Bibig ko'y napuno ng pait
Akala ko'y iba na ang magiging dulo
Pero marahil nga, masyado tayong naging magulo
Mga puso'y hindi pa pala handa
Tila mga bata pa ring hindi nagtanda
Sa mga turo ni tadhana
Kaya ngayon nauwi na naman sa akala
Salamat na rin siguro
Dahil sa'yo napaalalahanan ako
Magpalaya upang makalaya,
Hilumin ang puso't hayaan ang sarili'y maging masaya
Jan 15, 2019
Jan 15, 2019 at 10:46 PM UTC
Will you still love me in the morning?
When you see all my scars
Inflicted by others and of me.
Will you still love me in the morning?
When you've heard of my demons
Loathing me for all the sins I've done.
Will you still love me in the morning?
When you learn about who I was
And the person I will never become.
Will you still love me in the morning?
When all I have become
Is hate and misery.
Will you still love me in the morning?
When I'm in cold sweat, frightened, and crying
From the nightmare of what was.
Will you still love me in the morning?
When you see my hand shaking, and as if I cannot breathe
Because of my anxiety attacks that I seem to hide so well.
Will you still love me in the morning?
When all has been said and done
And you've discovered the person behind the facade.
Will you still love me in the morning?
Or maybe the question should be,
Did you ever love me?
Dec 1, 2018
Dec 1, 2018 at 2:59 AM UTC
There's a lot who asked
The girl who's masked
What does anxiety look like?
Its hard but let me try to tell you what anxiety looks like
It's the smiles she fakes and the laughters she makes
They sound so loud, her attempt to drown out the crowd
It's the way she walks with her arms around her
It's her telling herself to get it together
It's her eyes full of tears
When all she can hear is her fears
It's her flicking that rubber band around her wrist
Her attempt to bring herself back to reality that seem to twist
It's her dropping things with her shaky hands
It's her funny way of talking that no one understands
It's her biting her lip til it bleeds
When she's thinking about what she really needs
It's her spacing out and her blank stare
It's all the rest she didn't take and wouldn't dare
It's her hesitation to make that call
it's her doubting herself if she's given her all
It's her needing affirmation
Asking you to give her some kind of validation
It's her in the bathroom one, too many times
Rethinking everything like all she's done are crimes
It's her pacing back and forth
It's her seemingly funny retort
This is what anxiety looks like
And I can't even begin to explain what it feels like
Jun 5, 2018
Jun 5, 2018 at 2:33 AM UTC
Just between what we thought we were
Or another dream that seem so far
Shattered pieces of the memories we've shared
Haunted my heart and made my mind scared
Under the same sky, I'm left to wonder
About what went wrong and how my heart grew fonder
May 28, 2018
May 28, 2018 at 11:39 PM UTC
I can barely remember the first time we met
I can barely remember the sound of your voice
I can barely remember the feeling of you warmth against mine
I can barely remember the last time we genuinely laughed together
I can't remember the exact moment I fell in love
I can't remember when I started holding my breath with the sight of you
I can't remember when the butterflies started flying around in my stomach
I can't remember when I started seeing you in a different light
But I can remember how your voice sounded when you shunned me away
I can remember the feeling of my heart crashing, breaking
I can remember the taste of my tears, bitter in my mouth as I choke in the words "Please don't leave"
I can remember the sight of you walking away.
I can remember every painful night after that
I can remember every poem, every song, I had written
With the hope that it will let my love run dry.
I can remember the agony of mornings I had to endure
I can remember how the clouds won't seem to go away
I cannot remember how or when
But the day came where I was set free
From all the hurt and pain you've caused
From all the memories that made me nothing but lost
I am free from the love that seemed to have bound me
It felt like forever but finally, I'm unchained and am now free.
May 3, 2018
May 3, 2018 at 10:43 AM UTC
I hold my breath as your hands run through my hair
The thought inside my head, "Oh god, this isn't fair."
The way you gently pat on my head
Makes me want take back what I said.
When you handed the keys and held my hand,
God knows it's all I want but I have to take a stand.
For you are not mine to hold nor to keep,
You are not the one who'll be there when I fall asleep.
You are not the man whom I can love
For you're already someone's and not for mine to have.
May 3, 2018
May 3, 2018 at 10:33 AM UTC
Hindi ikaw ang aking mundo.
Ikaw ay parte lamang ng aking kwento.
Hindi ikaw ang kalawakan.
Ikaw, tayo, kahit pagkakaibigan ay may hangganan.
Hindi ikaw ang buwan
Na nagbibigay liwanag sa aking karimlan
Hindi ako isang puno
Na aasa, mananatili, at maghihintay na mapansin mo.
Ang mga sugat na dulot ng ating mga sala
Ay hindi maghihilom basta- basta
...
Kaya ako na ang hihinto, lalayo,
Ang magsasara ng pinto.
Ako na ang susunog ng tulay,
Ang puputol ng nag-uugnay.
Ako na ang bibitaw
Sa pagkakaibigang nasira ng pagmamahal na nag-uumapaw,
Ng bugso ng damdamin,
Ng tukso at mga tinagong saloobin.
Hindi naman maayos
Ang hindi sinusubukang i-ayos.
Kaya tama na nga siguro
Ito na ang dulo ng kayang tanggapin ng puso ko.
Paalam na sa mga tanong na kailanma'y hindi na masasagot,
Sa puso kong puno ng takot
Sa paglisan at pagbitaw
Hanggang sa ikaw na mismo ang umayaw.
Paalam na sa mga pangakong napako,
Sa mga katagang "walang magbabago",
Sa mga salitang binitawan
Ngunit hindi mo napanindigan.
Paalam na sa titulong "matalik na magkaibigan."
Paalam na sa lumabong pagkakaibigan,
Sa mga hinanakit at hindi pagkakaintindihan.
Paalam na sa sakit at pait
Na dala ng pag-ibig na hindi maaaring ipilit.
Paalam na sa labing-apat na taon.
Masasakit na alaala'y aking ibabaon.
Iiwan ka na sa nakaraan.
Papalayain ang sarili sa gapos ng nagdaan.
Sa pagiging estranghero nagsimula,
Estranghero rin akong lilisan.
Ito na ang huli kong paalam.
-41-
Jan 17, 2017
Jan 17, 2017 at 2:59 AM UTC