you always told me the littlest things
that you loved about me,
wether it was the spark in my eye
or the way i smiled in between
our make out sessions.
usually we'd sit and talk for hours,
trying to understand half
of the things you said.
you told me you loved
most of the things that i couldn't
figure out. it was like solving a jigsaw puzzle.
you loved the way
the sun kissed my face, so you'd reach out and touch it in the most
un expectable way.
you loved the way i teased you
before you leaned in to kiss me,
we both laughed because you
ran out of words to say.
so i told you all of the things i loved
about you.
as i told you, you tried hard
to make it clear that you were listening
and that i had your full attention.
i told you i wasn't good with words
and explaining my self.
but you understood anyway,
you still listened.
i couldn't find a way to
tell you
that i'm in love with you and everything
that you do.
maybe it was in the way
that you put your hand on my face
or the back of my neck,
when you leaned in to kiss me.
but i know that i wouldn't change it
for anything in the world.
-b.m
Oct 24, 2013
Oct 24, 2013 at 6:38 PM UTC
i told him about my demons,
and he told me about his.
he told me they found him
when he was only a kid.
he was afraid of telling people,
because he was terrified of them
thinking that he was crazy.
he said:
*"sometimes i think it's myself,
in my own voice talking
to me. if that makes sense."*
i cried, i cried because
i never knew,
a boy like him
would be fighting demons
at such a young age.
he would stay up late at night
because that's when the voices
got louder,
no one else
heard them
but him.
he didn't deserve to be
left alone with voices
and having no one to help him,
no one to talk too.
he thought it was normal,
to be bullied by his own mind.
sitting there, isolating himself
from the world,
picking out his insecurities
every nightmare,
hating himself
was the only way he could cope.
he thought it would be best to just
ignore them, and they would
go away.
but he doesn't deserve that,
he didn't deserve it at all
he was only nine.
he had nightmares, he never slept.
how strong could a kid be back then?
*"when i was like 9 or 10
it always told me
everyone hated me,
no one cared about me
and i thought there was something
inside of me.
or me talking to myself,
it kept telling me that
and every night
i always had nightmares.
i didnt know how to control it,
one day i just didnt listen to it
and thought about good things
and it went away,
i dont know how,
i don't know what i did,
it just went away."*
-b.m
Oct 23, 2013
Oct 23, 2013 at 12:00 AM UTC
you say it's up to me
to do the talking,
you get a phone call from school.
you answer,
nothing but silence at the other end.
*"hello, i have your daughter in the
counselors office.
may i speak to brooke's mother?"*
you take your finger
and wrap it around the phone wire.
"yes, this is her speaking."
you take a deep breath.
"hello how are you? i have brooke here in the counselors office, i'm sorry to bother you at work today, i'm sure you are busy. but do you have a few minutes to talk with me? i am very concerned about brooke today, her teacher says she wrote her persuasive paper on.."
-she pauses-
"cutting herself,"
you stare at the blank computer screen in front of you, frozen.
"i am very worried about Brooke, she says you knew about her harming her self-"
she stops speaking, waiting on a response.
you take a deep breath, scared, hurt and confused.
"i don't know if you would possibly agree with this, but i think Brooke needs counseling."
you drop the phone, in tears.
little did you know,
that your daughter
was fighting her own demons.
little did you know,
that the little brown and white
snakes tattooed on her wrist,
were a cry for help.
little did you know,
that she wanted
to be saved from herself.
-b.m
Oct 22, 2013
Oct 22, 2013 at 6:16 PM UTC
in every girls life there's a boy she'll never forget
and a summer where it all began,
tonight felt like summer
it was raining, dark and cloudy
i was being held so tight to your chest
i could hear your heart
b e a t
through your shirt,
i think i fell in love again,
we sat in the back of your dads truck like we use to during the summer nights, while he blasted hinder
we made out. i think i'm in love again
i fall harder each and every time
-b.m
Oct 21, 2013
Oct 21, 2013 at 3:15 AM UTC
i wrote because i never wanted to forget
the way your laugh sounded in
the middle of
June
i never wanted to forget about
your smile and the way you looked at me,
when we first saw
e a c h o t h e r
but now June is over
the leaves are
f a l l i n g
it ain't summer here anymore
your smile is fading
and you don't look at me the same.
-b.m
Oct 20, 2013
Oct 20, 2013 at 10:47 PM UTC
i've got a little problem,
and i'm not really sure how to fix it
not really sure i need to. not really sure i could
maybe it's from missing you,
not having you here
why? it's been 15 years,
i should be over it, but i'm not.
life isn't pretty good,
i've got problems
and they all start with
me,
there's something really wrong with
me, but i don't know what it is
not sure if i can figure it out
i sort of stopped caring,
but only for a little while.
i've pushed my friends away,
i barely leave my room
so what's wrong with me?
why am i depressed?
mom takes anti depressants,
i guess she's getting really bad
again.
maybe she's trying really hard
to
forget you,
so her doctor subscribed her to
medication that can try and help
fix her,
but i don't think it's going to.
-b.m
Oct 20, 2013
Oct 20, 2013 at 10:21 PM UTC
i'm sick of shaky hands
and hearing things
screaming at me
inside of my head,
i go to bed at night
and lose you,
then in the morning when
i wake and reach for the empty
space across the sheets,
i lose you again
please don't
go,
i need you to save me
from my demons
that attack me
at 3 am
in the morning
-b.m
Oct 20, 2013
Oct 20, 2013 at 9:59 PM UTC
he asked me,
how do i know i'm in love with him,
i said:
*"i am in love with
every aspect of you,
even the parts that you
have grown to
hate."*
then he understood
everything,
even the words
i could not say.
-(b.m)
Oct 20, 2013
Oct 20, 2013 at 9:48 PM UTC
all i've seen since
18 hours ago
is green eyes and
freckles
sparkled on your nose
and
your smile
in the back of my mind,
i would say i don't miss
you
but
i'd be lying;
the nights
get colder, it isn't summer
anymore.
no more sitting in the back
of your dads truck
with your arms around me.
i miss your lips on my
cheek
and your head
on my chest.
it's getting harder
to live without
you,
we still talk like everyday
but we don’t talk in the same way that we used to
i'll move on and forget you
we could never see eye to eye
but either way.
-b.m
Oct 20, 2013
Oct 20, 2013 at 9:35 PM UTC
in the winter i met a boy
who lied about his love for me,
who hit me
never knowing why
and still, he said:
"i'm only doing this because i love you"
he left bruises on my arm
and scars on my wrists,
he always made fun of my
weight.
he never failed to say: "i love you"
with his mouth full of lies.
it has gotten so bad
to the point where i started
believing that
i deserved all he was doing to me
in summer, i met a boy
who treated me like a princess
he bought me nice things,
wrote me letters
he took the pain
a w a y
my parents approved of him,
my friends did too
he kisses like the devil
while keeping all of my demons
away
my friends told me
keep him. stay.
now i know
i deserved
more
than the boy i met in the winter
-b.m
Oct 20, 2013
Oct 20, 2013 at 9:22 PM UTC