
My mother always says "you don't need a person to be happy."
But I don't think she understands; because when you're not around my heart feels like its caving in,
It trys to stop beating but the little reminder of you keeps it going,
My limbs feel weak and I fall everytime I try to walk because You're not holding my hand or holding me up,
My breathing slows down to just abouy nothing and I pretty much need my inhaler 24/7,
I am only happy when I am with you,
You keep my heart from caving in and you keep it from stopping,
You keep my limbs from going weak,
You keep me from falling, you hold me up and hold my hand,
You keep my breathing at an almost normal pace,
So I guess so my mother is wrong because I need you to be happy.
Jun 25, 2014
Jun 25, 2014 at 4:01 AM UTC
most of the time when I try to write about you,
all of my words get mixed up and I end up not saying the things I really intend to say,
the feelings I try so hard to explain sound so bland and untrue when I read them or write them down,
It is very hard to write about you,
Because no amount of words written down could muster up enough of who you are,
How great you are,
Or how much I love you.
Words are nothing
But
Writers block is everything,
When I try to write about you.
You're the thoughts and ideas,
The sky and the ground,
But when I try to write you down
You're like fire and water
I pretty much get nowhere when I try to write about you
But that is okay because you're more than words on paper to me..
Jun 25, 2014
Jun 25, 2014 at 3:59 AM UTC
I've only been camping a handful of times and this is the first we've been in about a year and its very nice and the outdoors is very comforting. The stars in the sky shine so bright tonight, they remind me of my lovers smile. The bugs chirp and make so many noises it keeps me up, at late hours. The weather is hot and its humid so my hair sticks to my face and I sweat. I have to *** so bad but everyone is asleep and the bathrooms are unbearably disgusting. It took us almost an hour to set the tent up and we had hamburgers and hotdogs for dinner. The bonfire was warm. I can't wait to get out and go swimming in the lake later. Camping is alright.
Jun 22, 2014
Jun 22, 2014 at 4:58 AM UTC
i love you
i love your voice
even at 4 a.m. when you're so tired its raspy
because it is my favorite sound
i love your smile
even if you fake it
because it could light up the whole town
i love your laugh
even though you think its obnoxious
because its a nice sound in my ears
i love your eyes
even though you wish they were any color but green and you hate the dark circles underneath
because they're like nobody elses
mossy and obvious that you're tired and can't sleep
i love your hair
even though you cut it because you don't
because its soft and you let me play with it
i love your tummy
even though you'd like to lose weight
because its cute and pudgy
i like your personality
even though you don't know why
because its original
i like how you're complicated
even though you question why i do
i like how you make me fall in love with you even more each day because i would have never thought that was possible
i like it that you don't always agree with me
because its okay to argue every now and then
i like how it is so easy for you to make me laugh
or make me cry
because the emotions you give me are important
the way you make me feel is extraordinary
you're extraordinary, important
you're so interesting
like the stars in the sky
or the footprints at a crime scene
no matter what you see as a flaw I'll always find something great about it
you're so much more than what you think you are
you're not just plaster on a wall
you're bright, colorful, paint
you're worth everything in this world
and everything more than this world
if you're lost
that's okay
I'll take your hand and guide you into my heart
climb in
carve a niche
let it be your home
i promise it'll be warm and safe and you'll never feel like something less than bright, colorful paint
i love you.
Jun 21, 2014
Jun 21, 2014 at 2:32 PM UTC
I think back to last summer when everything seemed okay,
but just under the surface, everything wasn't.
I wasn't truly happy with anything.
I'd stay out of the house till 3 a.m. with the boys,
getting high and pretending I was an explorer.
I lost so many people that summer, but still had the boys,
we'd get high every night
so high it was like we were forever stuck in the clouds.
I got addicted to nicotine that summer, the bitter taste of sadness in my mouth and reminders of everything bad.
I turned to getting high and nicotine instead of self harm and thought everything would be better.
But I was wrong.
I wanted a cigarette again and again and again.
I wanted to be high again and again and again.
I was still harming myself all over again,
I didn't care and neither did the boys as long as I was chilling with them it didn't matter about our health.
And I think that's why I got so lost last summer,
because I found friends that didn't care,
I didn't care.
Jun 20, 2014
Jun 20, 2014 at 11:08 PM UTC
When I think about our future,
I think about lounging on the couch, Sunday afternoon,
watching our favorite t.v. show and eating pizza hut in our underwear; because we were too lazy to cook dinner and we like being comfy.
I think about playing hide-n-seek, tag, and many other childish games because deep down we'll never truly grow up.
I think about having our own privacy,
exploring each others bodies like they're undiscovered art at the bottom of the ocean.
I think about having to wake up early for work,
how we'd kiss goodbye and say "I love you."
(we'd always say "I love you." too much)
I think about how I'd always call during lunch breaks,
and if you happened to not answer I'd leave a voicemail just so you could hear my voice and know I was thinking of you.
I think about getting home late, running through the front door and yelling "Honey, I'm home!" at the top of my lungs; being showered in kisses and being carried to bed.
I think about how I'd make up silly rules like "No clothes allowed!"
how you'd just laugh at me for being such a dork,
but you'd still follow the rule.
You'd strip down to nothing then pick me up and carry me to our bedroom and take my clothes off of me,
laughing when you fumbled with my bra strap and me laughing along as I helped you.
I think about how after making love we'd just lay there together and sleep.
Two messes all tangled up in bed sheets.
I think about how some nights we'll keep each other up late at night,
talking for hours about anything and everything.
I think about how we'll treat each other like we're a king and a queen living in a castle for all eternity.
I think about how we'll fight- not a lot, but believe me we will.
Though of course, with a fight, will always come a make-up.
And boy, will we make-up.
We'll cry and hold each other no matter how tough life gets.
We're invincible, me and you.
Jun 20, 2014
Jun 20, 2014 at 9:11 PM UTC
The sun is out today.
Do you remember the day I ran around outside with joy?
The smile I had on my face?
My uncontrollable laughter?
The way I kissed your cheek and asked "isn't today lovely?"
You just nodded and I could tell that you were uninterested.
I asked you what you would like to do,
but you just shrugged...
You seemed a million miles away from me and I remember just sitting down next to you,
trying to figure out where you were...
The next day you disappeared,
the sun didn't shine,
it rained all day,
I didn't know what to do.
How could you leave me?
Why didn't you tell me you felt so wrong inside?
Why didn't you let me help?
I'm so sorry...
It's been a year now,
I'm still having trouble coping,
you left me,
now I'm going to leave too..
Jun 20, 2014
Jun 20, 2014 at 8:50 PM UTC
i miss you
as the rain pours
my tears follow
falling to the ground
in a storm of emotions
Jun 20, 2014
Jun 20, 2014 at 8:42 PM UTC
Curse you
bad habits
I have bitten my fingernails down to the nub
Curse you
bad habits
I cannot shut my mouth
and words spill out
Curse you
bad habits
food calls my name
so I eat and eat
Curse you
bad habits
my hair is just about dead
I have dyed it so much
Curse you
bad habits
I've found a love so strong
and I'll never let go
Curse you
bad habits.
Jun 20, 2014
Jun 20, 2014 at 8:40 PM UTC
Bless you
my dear
for showing me a love that is so deep
not even the ocean can compare
Bless you
my dear
for the happiness inside of me
that dwells to escape everytime
I see your face
Bless you
my dear
for the comfort of your arms
and the warmth of your words
Bless you
my dear
for being there for me
even when I'm not there for you
Bless you
my dear.
Jun 20, 2014
Jun 20, 2014 at 8:37 PM UTC