I used to look like someone else,
My blond hair and chocolate eyes,
Resembled something I can't define,
I think I forgot how to cry.
I miss the days when school was my life,
Where I wasn’t stressed about marriage, college, the like,
I fear I’m living in fright.
The mission is so open,
There are roads that I can pave,
It’s like there are too many opportunities and I don’t feel sane.
Stuck in my own mind,
In its waves and swirls,
Like I'm locked in an iron jail,
And they forgot I am just a little girl.
May 26
May 26, 2026 at 2:23 PM UTC
I'm waiting,
On the verge of insanity,
Like the trains left,
And I'm stuck with me.
When all else fails, I stare into that space,
The little girl who was out of the race,
Guess I was never cut for the chase.
Musical drums,
Inside me deep,
And you used to count the beats.
What do I do when life stops,
When you keep on running,
And can't ever stop?
When the pain is big,
And oh so hard,
When your mask falls off,
And you lose your guard?
What then,
What then,
What then?
How can I rise from ashes,
That never burnt through coal?
How can I muster strength,
When I was never whole?
The tears they don’t forgive,
They don’t forget,
The pieces of my heart,
That have left.
May 24
May 24, 2026 at 9:12 AM UTC
Loaded Pinterest boards are for kids who stayed unheard,
So they found comfort in a stranger’s word.
Loaded Pinterest boards are for kids stuck in the middle of parents' fights,
Being thrown back and forth through endless nights.
Loaded Pinterest boards are for kids who carried too much pain,
With no one to help them sort through their brain.
Loaded Pinterest boards are for kids who walked halls alone,
So Pinterest became the place that felt like home.
Loaded Pinterest boards are for kids who never feel at peace,
Whose racing thoughts and monsters never cease.
Loaded Pinterest boards are for kids who hold onto anyone kind,
Just searching for proof they’re worth something inside.
Loaded Pinterest boards are for kids whose skin felt wrong to wear,
Who grew into teens weighed down by despair.
Loaded Pinterest boards are for kids who hate what they see,
Because the world taught them who they “should” be.
Loaded Pinterest boards are for kids.
Young, fragile kids
who witnessed too much
before growing up and such.
And people still wonder why they obsess,
Saving soft pictures to survive the mess.
Because sometimes Pinterest is all they can find
To quiet the chaos consuming their mind.
May 24
May 24, 2026 at 9:08 AM UTC
Do scars get darker over time,
Cause my heart used to be red,
But now it’s a faded blue,
Crossed out in ink, a big x,
Doubt everything, I knew.
There's stitches down my arms,
They’re purple, blue and red,
Swollen and dried up,
Cuts me inside instead.
Each time it comes again,
The cycle that’s too fast,
Lines, they just get darker,
They are now black.
I’m watching life with greedy eyes,
A sad smile lives on my face,
I’m seeing it pass me by,
While hiding from circles I chase.
And when the rain comes down,
I find my place right under its cloud,
It’s cause when I scream with the thunder,
My scars, they die down.
May 24
May 24, 2026 at 9:03 AM UTC
The light at the end of the tunnel,
Is warm but so short lived,
For life hands you countless bundles,
And you have to choose to give.
Give.
Give of yourself,
Don’t stay in your skin,
Space out is a coverup,
And the world needs more of you in.
To give is to be present,
To not abort back into the space,
That small part of your mind,
Where you hide,
When you can no longer take.
To give is to be,
To sit while others talk,
And listen purposefully,
To not avert eye contact,
To not run out of rooms,
To not put in air pods
When someone doesn’t see you for you
To give is not to dash to a paper,
When something goes awry
To not pen the moment,
And instead to let yourself breathe.
You are here now.
You are here now.
You are here now.
You’re not there, you’re not in your bed,
Be in the moment, get out of your head,
You’re exactly where Gd placed you,
And you can’t bloom if you never land.
Stop running from awkward,
You’re not flawed, you’re in one piece,
Stop hiding behind spacey, “writer”, and just too deep.
The world needs you in it,
Gd doesn’t make mistakes,
Invite your insides to lie
Right on your face.
You can’t do life halfway,
Always if, “__________ was good,
It would be different”,
But who says that’s true,
Maybe it would be the same,
Scratch everything I was convinced I knew.
There's a map in my heart,
That’s scribbled, and ripped, and taped,
And all the parts I didn’t plan,
I scratch out while I gape.
It’s like the plans I’ve mapped out,
Hold me back from where I am,
I fear I live in falsity,
In denial and in fairyland.
It’s less painful that way,
To dwell in denial and my mind,
Cause things are too stark,
And they hurt all the time.
Maybe I’m missing my mission,
If I’m never really here,
I lie to myself every time,
It gets too hard to bear.
There's a little girl that’s disappointed,
I know she means well,
But how do I explain to her,
That each time she retreats,
She is building,
Her own version of hell.
May 18
May 18, 2026 at 9:51 PM UTC
“there is no old self to go back to there is only the new you to love and nurture”
I'm peering,
Searching,
In crevices too deep.
I'm peeking,
Seeking,
To find a resemblance of me.
I see myself in others,
In any girl that writes,
I find shadows of my darkness,
In anyone with light.
I score through old journals,
I taste each and every line,
Trying to get back,
What was lost with time.
I screenshot and screenshot,
Any old picture I can find,
Staring at my baby eyes,
And what used to be mine.
Old maps-
Have my mind,
Its like I’m looking back,
On something I lost,
That was rightfully mine.
And I can't seem,
To feel her,
in all of my bones,
each time I reminisce,
I'm left out in the cold.
and yet the memories,
are colorful and just a bit too bold.
wherever I go,
I look for my missing pieces,
The ones that I dropped,
when it was too much.
Some I've found,
Over time,
Like when I walked back into school,
And saw a piece of mine,
Laying on the floor.
But some I'm still searching for,
They're oceans away,
And if I ever found them,
I don’t know how much still remains.
Hindsight is 20/20,
Yet I still don’t know what's there,
The percentage is way smaller,
And I want it to all disappear.
I'm looking at it all,
Now with a mature mind,
But if that's true,
Why do I feel the same I did-
When I was nine?
There's too much ahead of me,
I cant stop to look back,
The pieces that have left me,
Are parts I no longer lack.
Nostalgia is colored-
in bright hues of pink,
But I know objectively,
Some of those times were rough imbued.
Its time to move forward,
Towards a new day,
Time to let go,
Of all I did and say.
The past was part of me,
Its chapters were true,
But how can I continue to build-
If I'm stuck in old hues?
I'm excited for what's yet to come,
GD has so much good planned,
And if I find the old parts,
I'll plant them in my hands-
I'll hold them tight,
And give them a light squeeze.
They’ll be released with a whisper saying,
“You no longer define me.”
May 18
May 18, 2026 at 9:49 PM UTC
My feet only tiptoe,
And my nervous system is a thermometer.
Trained,
And waned,
To live like-
It's normal to do everyday in,
A state of pain.
Reading rooms,
And walking on eggshells,
Tug of war,
And it's like I'm playing volleyball,
But I'm the ball,
And they're volleying too high,
I think I hit the ceiling,
Cause all I see is fighting people,
And annoyed children.
They used to be scared,
Or confused,
Or just plain afraid,
But after it happened again and again,
It just began to drive them mad.
Their shoulders got tighter,
Their jaws always clenched,
They were thirsty,
No -starving,
To have their need for love met.
And they toed the line,
And didn’t know how to keep friends,
Cause all relationships in their life failed them,
As of yet.
How is it fair,
How can it be,
That even when one grows up,
Their childhood stifles who they can be.
The mind is still trying to survive ,
Still in the state-
Of fright or flight.
Sick of showing up,
When others couldn’t come,
Though it was their duty,
And they failed their young one.
Sick of being a mediator,
I’m simply not a judge,
How can I be in charge,
Of being the back and forth,
I'm Utterly done.
It's exhausting,
All the time,
To carry the weight,
When it was never supposed to be mine.
May 18
May 18, 2026 at 9:44 PM UTC
“and those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music”.
But what if the music is always turned on,
Full blast,
In my mind.
What if my sound waves never rest,
Cause the noise is blaring,
And I cant grasp,
What silence is anymore,
What peace means,
Cause all I hear is different thoughts,
And colors of extremes.
When I walk I hear nature speaking,
The wind whispers,
And the trees sing.
When I drive,
There's so many conversations,
Happening between the cars,
The blinkers,
And all the way up mars.
In every room,
There's see-through people,
With turning minds,
And beating hearts,
And when I speak with them,
I cant help but regard-
Regard -what's obvious,
Regard -what’s so clearly there,
Navigate life as I see it-
To me the music is so real.
The tune is familiar,
Its not the volume I turned high,
Its more like second nature,
I yearn to know why.
Tell me about your dreams,
The ones that keep you up at night,
Tell me what you desire,
And what are your frights?
I crave whole pictures,
All the connecting dots,
It all makes sense to me,
Nothing is ever enough.
I live in my own mind,
There's so much I was blessed with there,
Excitements- and so many theories-
And all I crave to share.
It's because I know it matters,
I really care,
That’s why I ask you,
If you're okay inside here.
May 18
May 18, 2026 at 9:22 AM UTC
Welcome to the pain,
Of wanting to be wanted,
And feeling unwanted.
It nags,
It bites,
It hurts at night,
It kills,
It breaks,
It makes me shake,
I always feel fake,
I’m not awake,
I need to brake.
And things were looking up,
I was finally enough,
But you ran,
Faster than I can catch up,
Hidden behind no response,
And my heart doesn’t let me give up.
It holds on to that string,
That maybe finally,
Someone befriended me.
But lies hurt more than truth,
And I'm sitting waiting for you,
You can't run with my heart,
How can I breathe that breath,
It's like you took the life from me,
And I'm left gasping,
For what’s left.
I'm sorry for being myself,
I know it’s more than a drop,
But I can't help but wonder,
How can I be loved,
When I hate myself a lot?
May 14
May 14, 2026 at 9:57 PM UTC
I put myself into boxes
To try and define
The circles in my mind,
Those contradictions in my behavior,
The ones that go up and down.
I want to explain them,
And I want to know how.
So I ask around—
Am I like this or that?
Trying to give words
To the tornado inside,
’Cause if I can define it,
Then maybe it won’t break me inside.
I think I like definitions.
Dictionaries just make sense.
But what if you don’t fit neat lines,
Your brain’s a blur that meshes past the rest?
So what do you do then—
Do you fake and pretend?
Or try to shrink,
But still don’t fit instead?
Trying to stay in lines
That are tight,
I spill over
All through the night.
A girl of too many words,
And one with none at all.
I don’t think I can let myself stand tall
When I’m too afraid
To leave the lines
And fall.
May 14
May 14, 2026 at 7:45 AM UTC