Wanting to see you happy took on a deeper meaning
I got my wish and this is something I see you achieving
My heart can’t decide whether to elevate or keep sinking
I feel your love but sometimes I’m the one missing.
I’m trapped in a hole of my own making
It’s like I want to come up but I’m still debating
Do I push myself off the ledge or keep praying
I hope my love is strong enough to choose staying
there’s nothing on your end that’s wrong, it’s me
I’ve been working on letting me feel alive and free
Keep regressing to a time where I’m afraid and weak
and hope you don’t hate me if I reach a new peak
Intrusively, I risk losing my precious purpose of being
You’re sending the signs I need but I’m not seeing
How much I mean to you becomes invisible to link
With the love and happiness, I wish for you, to exist.
Mar 16, 2024
Mar 16, 2024 at 4:03 AM UTC
At times I wish I didn't care
and didn't feel anything too deep
but if i refused to care at all
I wouldn't be here, I wouldn’t be me.
Many things I see, I find pre-defined
A darkness is left, the kids aren’t alright
Yet within the chaos, the shot of hope gleams
A chance for redemption, before the final dream.
My love unveils both joy and sorrow
A kaleidoscope of emotions for today and tomorrow
Even in depths of despair, resilience rises
Shadows and trials end with silver-lined surprises.
To feel deeply is my way to truly live
A tapestry weaves the stories I have to give
For even in shadows, my light does grow
My heart guides me to what the truth knows.
So I seek to embrace the highs and lows
Through my rivers of tears, a garden grows
In vulnerability, I find a reality
Worthy of bonding with all humanity.
Dec 17, 2023
Dec 17, 2023 at 1:18 AM UTC
What opportunity you were to me
You were a lesson I thought was luck
Allowed to dip myself into your sweet honey
Not realizing that I would be even more stuck.
The pain I’ve gained by playing your games
Had me come out knowing better, real from fake.
I had been too willing to please you
Wanting you to say “I need you”
Because otherwise how was I to prove I’m worthy
Before I realized you’re not meant to be my trophy.
I felt lucky to have you,
Because it felt good to have something
Until I realized the hurt isn't worth
Losing all of me over simply nothing.
I believed the red flags were tests
To prove myself more capable than the rest
Learned love should not be a battle
With my suffering a requisite
Nov 28, 2023
Nov 28, 2023 at 12:42 PM UTC
A passionate love must be exciting to feel.
Maybe that is why the chaos appeals.
Because I love you so much but does my love excite you?
Or are you convinced that it’s not real?
Jun 6, 2022
Jun 6, 2022 at 2:09 PM UTC
Did you manifest me?
Because everything I want, I get, and somehow you’re the cherry 🍒 on top that has me convinced, you actually are proof that it’s that easy to be valued back like I asked.
How could you desire to love me already when you barely know me?
In exchange for your love, I could give you the world.
I’m a selfish creature that can create kingdoms from chaos, but for the ones I love, I have abilities that can give them the throne.
But while my love is strong, it’s also fragile… at the sign of betrayal, all that existed for you would convert to dust. The tragedies from the past have yet to recover from themselves while I continue to be a force to be reckoned with.
I am a muse of desire. A muse with powerful capacity.
I’m here to inspire, to serve more than I look to be served.
But I serve not one person. I love. Regardless who you are.
If you love me back, like an alchemist, I will show you what worlds I could create with our love.
Dec 7, 2021
Dec 7, 2021 at 10:33 AM UTC
There’s no empathy from that I hold on to, I hope to stop hoping for help soon.
I’m not helpless, just paid less, no attention goes to a screaming silence.
I’m letting it all go soon. Would be surprised if they ask, where did she go to?
Lost sleep last night to my empty bedroom.
The sad faces I drew on my walls won’t even stay blue.
I cant feel worth as much as I know.
I miss my favorite things and yet I won’t, do the things to bring me to smile, and feel whole?
I only do things that bring me to tears, like this **** I wrote.
Jan 4, 2017
Jan 4, 2017 at 1:51 PM UTC
when you say you wanna heal broken people, I tend to reveal a broken sequel
I'm usually doing fine until i remember of what I've been through
and I still cant let myself cry in front of you.
just feel jaded, numb, wishing I was gone.
But these are the facts I stick to:
I never had something this good, my heart races at every view
When things get a little shaky, my mind thinks "too good to be true"
It's what I'm used to, I've lost what I'm close to
I've never lost hope, but I feel like I'm supposed to
Im in deep waters, regardless if i chose to
going to feel it hard, like I overdosed you
When it's too much, I'd always excuse you.
But you chose to stay when I don't expect you.
Nov 21, 2016
Nov 21, 2016 at 4:42 AM UTC
I panic internally at the thought of being seen. Not the light I'm afraid of, it's not being believed. hard to love, that's been accepted. That's for not being accepted; by the folks who claim to love you, you'd think it'd be expected.
I didn't know conditions come with it. Love got so tough, I broke apart and left it.
Hard life lessons learned so young, but thick skin kept it together. I cried the dark, it seemed, if no one sees, it'd be better. And yet, here you come along, with plenty of effort. Upon hearing she can't feel strong, you say "let her."
Never been afforded sensitivity; I can't trust myself in vulnerability. The heart sinking feelings comes with my inactivity and there's no credibility when it comes to my mentality, my mental reality.
And all I ask from you is to believe me. Only then will t be okay for you to see me. Only then will I be able to open up to you easily. You'll not have to deal with me closing and leaving.
Hard life lessons learned so young, but thick skin grows in pressure. I only cried the dark cuz if no one sees, it's be better. And yet, here you came along, you've made the effort: to remind her it's okay to feel strong, she is treasure.
Sep 22, 2016
Sep 22, 2016 at 11:53 PM UTC
if only you can see it from every angle, every side
where am i allowed to be myself?
only in my words and where i write
it seems like what i was, am doesn't deserve life
i pondered what to do with my struggle every night
help me god, i prayed, help me survive
i was told im too weird to live, but i didn't want to die
i couldnt change my kind no matter how often i tried
you swear this is living, having to hide?
expected to hold on, yet left alone to fight
i hate my oppressors, yet i'm told to be kind
Aug 1, 2016
Aug 1, 2016 at 7:00 PM UTC
maybe i should sleep, my thoughts too quick
running from left to right, i think ima be sick
and my feelings too deep, tryna come out
but in struggling to set my self straight
i write ton of **** i dont know about
i dont know myself, at least like most hear
maybe ive changed too much in the last year
someone new came in since i started here
so i think of staring at myself all night
til i gain the knowledge, lose the fear
someone else wont take over for me
i dont think ive yet set myself free
and up to now, ive let others lead
but its no longer how i want it to be
in the meantime, maybe i should sleep
and when sunrise comes, ill start to think
things will be much different from now on
in light, all uncertainty will then be gone.
Jun 28, 2016
Jun 28, 2016 at 8:27 AM UTC