What I couldn't say
on those dark, dark nights,
with your hands in my hair,
your name in my throat.
The sound of the sheets rustling,
soft music,
the shell of my heart cracking.
What I wouldn't say
on those hot, hot mornings,
with your eyes boring into mine,
your words heavy on my chest.
The hope that refused to die,
buried deep,
the soft flesh of my heart tearing.
I would give anything.
I won't say anything.
Apr 11, 2025
Apr 11, 2025 at 2:47 PM UTC
I wonder about summer days
and screaming until my voice is hoarse;
of time that runs like oil
and gets between my fingers,
of how you hate the taste of olives.
It's April.
It's living again, breathing something other than car fumes
and I'm sat breathing smoke again,
hand dangling out of my bedroom window.
I stare at green.
I make jokes.
I do the things.
But there's a hollowness.
A warning of sticky, forever days that
cling to the surface of my skin;
bloom like spring in my lungs and starve me of oxygen
with an aggressive, loving life to them.
yes.
it hurt.
it all hurts.
i want to forgive you.*
Feb 14, 2022
Feb 14, 2022 at 3:12 PM UTC
how can I change what I am,
what the tangle of my genes read
and the sharp corners of my face.
how can I dilute myself to a soft shade of salmon sky
and smell as sweet as summer's sunset.
I keep chipping away at the parts of myself,
hoping to find some sparkle of gold,
but I just become less and less and less
Aug 23, 2020
Aug 23, 2020 at 3:27 PM UTC
I've been holding my breath
since the day that you left
and I haven't exhaled
since
.
Jun 15, 2020
Jun 15, 2020 at 10:30 PM UTC
Because I've always seen my life in other people,
Don't worry, the irony makes me choke,
That I can't just reach out and touch them.
My hand slips through them like smoke.
Because I study my life in other people,
But it's getting harder to tell
Whether it's memory or reflection I'm watching,
Either way, it all feels like hell.
Because I hold my life in my hands,
But everything's just that bit numb.
I can't feel if it hurts or I'm breathing,
Either way, I think that I'm done.
Apr 14, 2020
Apr 14, 2020 at 9:29 PM UTC
Let me collapse down,
dissolving into myself,
replaced; a black hole.
Apr 6, 2020
Apr 6, 2020 at 9:25 PM UTC
I'm at the point now where even the weight of air on my skin hurts.
Feb 29, 2020
Feb 29, 2020 at 5:59 PM UTC
It's a mountain by now.
Plate upon plate upon bowl,
stacked higher than physics should allow,
all stained a slightly different colour of neglect.
Cutlery balance on the rim of ***** mugs
that sour the air around them.
I feel guilty when I add to their misshapen brethren, commit another utensil to its graveyard.
And yet still,
I watch it build and I wait,
morbidly,
for it
to come
crashing
down.
Feb 8, 2020
Feb 8, 2020 at 6:10 PM UTC
I want to flow from my own fingertips,
hang in the air, a final chord.
I want to break apart into a million pieces,
dance away in the nightime's wind.
I want to be held as I split and crack,
try to meld me together one last time.
I want to burst and implode and evaporate.
And I want you to know that I'm sorry.
Nov 28, 2019
Nov 28, 2019 at 2:02 PM UTC
Because you're smart, right?
Pretty charming, right?
Love the way the wind whispers and the rain cries.
Love things other than what Girls like.
Because you like bare face, right?
They're a carbon copy, right?
But you, you're a gem in the rough, undiscovered.
You, you're a lifeform with all of nature's secrets.
You, you're much better. [Right?]
You, you're different than those other Girls,
Right?
Aug 17, 2019
Aug 17, 2019 at 7:39 PM UTC