a year ago today,
a small thing happened
a name appeared,
a heart said yes
before the mind could think.
I did not know then
what I was beginning.
I did not know
I was stepping into something
that would matter this much.
we were just two strangers
on a screen.
and then we weren't.
how fast it all became real.
how fast real became everything.
how fast everything
became silence.
I thought today would be different.
I thought today
we would look at each other and say:
a year. can you believe it?
a whole year.
instead I am counting alone.
marking something
that only I remember now.
or maybe he remembers too,
and says nothing.
that somehow hurts more.
time moved so quickly
to bring us together.
then so quickly
to take it all apart.
and I am still standing
at the beginning of it,
wondering how a year passed
and I am somehow
more lost now
than I was before I knew him.
Happy anniversary
to what almost was.
to what I thought we'd be.
to my 6 May:
a day that still
means something
to at least one of us.
May 7
May 7, 2026 at 11:39 AM UTC
Cold has never been my enemy, and that is why I surrender to winter.
The snow descends in silence.
The temperature settles into my bones like something ancient, something known.
Frozen. And somehow, whole.
I would wear this cold forever
like a second skin, like armor.
The last time warmth found me,
it arrived like a candle —
soft, inviting, safe —
Before it became a wildfire.
Burning me alive.
So I watched, from somewhere deep inside
as it turned me to spectacle,
as it made ash of everything I was.
Slowly the snow falls over me again,
like it means to keep me cold.
And even if I stay here,
brittle and still,
at least the cold
will leave me
something
to bury.
May 4
May 4, 2026 at 2:47 PM UTC
i hope my prayers hug you when my arms couldn’t
i hope my prayers give you warmth when my arms couldn’t
i hope the world is easy on you
i’m praying may God bless you as much as the steps you take everyday
i hope to God, mentioning your name, i hope he will ease the wounds in your heart
i hope you win all the silent battles that you didn’t tell me about
under this waxing crescent moon, i pray to God about you
i’ll let my tears speak for me on how much i love you through these prayers i speak to Him
i hope God may heal both of our unhealed pain
i hope we can forgive ourselves
and i hope we won't be so hard on ourselves
as long as i’m here, you will always have someone who supports you
as long as i’m still breathing, you will always have someone who loves you
Oct 27, 2025
Oct 27, 2025 at 10:25 AM UTC
i always treat people as if it their last
‘cause we never know how does it ends
carved on the graved or letter of promoted
passed the exam of paper or passed away
jilly jelly tell me, who will sit the longest at my grave
ones who stab me or my only fave
jilly jelly tell me, who will sit the longest at my grave
ones who **** me or them who want to save
there is always tomorrow she said
we still have much time left she said
i still have remaining days she said
i am loving you forever she said
jilly jelly tell me, who is going tell her?
Jan 28, 2025
Jan 28, 2025 at 10:13 AM UTC
grey hair and wrinkled skin
dark spot lingered on the eyes
loss of pounds and medical prescriptions
therapys, cure, anything that can save me
do you even notice how my sadness consumed me?
Jan 23, 2025
Jan 23, 2025 at 12:21 PM UTC
i hope my love keeps you safe and sound everywhere you go
i hope the wind touches your skin softly
i hope the sun keeps you warm in the morning
beneath the nature lies my love upon you
i have told rain to soothe you down
dear thunder, please don’t blare much
as you might make him scared
i hope the blowing wind stop pushing its cold onto you
and for the sun, i hope it’s not burning your skin
each times flowers bloom, i hope they flaunt its scent into you
to remind you that nature is alluring
to remind that nature is kind to you
to remind that i lay my love on you through mother nature’s kindness
Jan 21, 2025
Jan 21, 2025 at 6:23 PM UTC
when people said “i love you” but i said, “i adore him to the point i thank him for existing”
when people said "i love you" but i said, "i would recognise his odor in thousands of crowd"
when people said "i love you" but i said, "he is the first thing that i mention through my prayers"
when people said "i love you" but i said, "my brain refuses to think about anything but you"
when people said "i love you" but i said, "it's crazy how my mind leads to you to every love song that is playing"
when people said "i love you" but i said, "he is the first thing i reminisce to every matcha store i stumbled upon"
when people said "i love you" but i said, "i would spot his footsteps in a muddy dark forest"
when people said "i love you" but i said, "i learn how to cook for him where these dishes are crafted with love"
when people said "i love you" but i said, "i have been adjusted to be all ears for him when the whole world turned him down"
when people said "i love you" but i said, "i don't want him to translate. i would speak his language, i want learn the language of his soul"
Aug 4, 2024
Aug 4, 2024 at 5:23 AM UTC
this is somewhat unfathomable, but, half of me hates him for what he did, half of me still longs for him.
what is this phenomenon, mother nature? why do I still have space for compassions, for him? why do I still see him highly?
was it my blinded eyes or love-polluted mind?
Aug 4, 2024
Aug 4, 2024 at 5:04 AM UTC
nothing have i ever laid my eyes on something so tender and soft; the palm of his hand, and the tone he used as he speaks.
no matter how far i’ve wandered around, the string of mine goes back to him, a man whose existence caught my existence, 3 years ago, at Brighthelm.
something was giggling merrily inside of me the moment i was with him. it was my inner little girl, she was happy. a man that is so serene, a safe place to be with, and a situation where finally she doesn’t have to be in a survival mode. she couldn’t ask for more; that’s what she craves for. that’s enough. that’s enough for the rest of her life.
but she murmured, and asked me, will we ever be able to see him again? a part of me highkey wish to say “yes” but fate is something that’s not under my control, so, “i don’t know. we will see. but let’s just pray.”
Jul 28, 2024
Jul 28, 2024 at 9:40 AM UTC
when I was little, mum told me not to go too far, or Iwill be lost
she warned me about the monsters and creeps that live inside the forest
said don’t go there, it’s dangerous
told I might not come back, or turning into one
in the living room,
she always tells me about them
and how they threaten humans for years
there was a myth where they harm us
as if they’re something that is very dangerous
I went back to my chamber
staring at myself on the mirror
sighs.
poor old lady
sad to see how much she’s scared of monsters
not knowing and realising
that all this time, she’s actually given birth to one.
Jul 23, 2022
Jul 23, 2022 at 12:36 PM UTC