Does it ever really go away? That feeling? You know which one I’m talking about. How many times a day do you look back? Why can’t you stop looking back? Do you still think about them? What made your heart go cold? How many years has it been since someone saw the light in your eyes? Do you ever think about that? Who damaged you so bad that you can’t let anyone in anymore? Do you still think about them too? How often does your heart ache? Tell me, what caused that emptiness that you can’t seem to get out. Do you even want to get it out? Tell me why you don’t feel like yourself without your sadness. Where do your memories go? The ones you’ve forgotten. Do you appreciate people enough? One day they’ll be gone. When was the last time you felt genuine love?
Apr 11, 2019
Apr 11, 2019 at 11:06 PM UTC
I keep having this dream where we’re still together, and we’re happy. We didn’t let the distance come between us because our love was stronger than any storm.
I know that dream is a reality in another universe.
I know that we’re happy and in love there, and i wish you believed me when i said i was going to fall in love with you because i did and you’re gone.
you’re gone and it feels like you set my heart on fire and you’re watching it burn from a distance i cant even bear to touch you.
You were the one i wanted to spend forever with.
I wanted you to be the end of my story.
I was always in love with the sea but i never wanted to drown myself in one so bad until i saw your eyes.
I wish you knew that.
I wish you knew what i’d do for you to come back.
Oct 31, 2017
Oct 31, 2017 at 12:41 AM UTC
I wish i could go back to the exact moment you fell out of love with me,
i want to pause there so you could hear the sound of my heart breaking in your hands as your tore it out of my chest.
A ****** mess of my love for you
I wish i could go back to the exact moment i fell in love with you,
i would pause there just for you.
I want you to see the way my heartbeats lit up like stars and it didn’t hurt anymore.
I spent my entire life with my heart wanting to stop beating but i didn’t feel that when i was with you.
The stars have been dead for a long time, just the dreams of being with you forever.
Oct 31, 2017
Oct 31, 2017 at 12:39 AM UTC
Fast forward to when you choose to stay, when we're not worrying about anything else.
Let's fast forward to wen you're holding my hand and driving down an empty street.
Let's fast forward to when I trace "i love you" on your skin before you fall asleep.
Let's fast forward to when I'm not scared anymore and finally say it out loud.
Let's pause here.
This is what falling feels like.
Press play.
I kiss you and you tell me how glad you are this happened.
Pause this.
Let's go back to when I first met you;
they way you rolled your eyes and the way you smiled, I wish you had kissed me.
Let's pause here.
I want this moment to last forever.
Fast forward to when you don't leave, you don't give up on me when I get difficult. You stay, forever.
Let's pause here.
press play
May 21, 2016
May 21, 2016 at 12:19 AM UTC
Everyone I love has become an empty shell of broken promises, bits of them chip away as they lose the last bit of grandeur love brought into their life and i’m starting to wonder if that’s what happened to us too.
I’ve been running all my life, and you were the first person to keep me grounded for once.
Stripped me down to my heart.
But **** how right Hemingway was when he said the world breaks everyone because you became my world and when you stopped loving me the cracks in my heart deepened and all the love i ever had for you spilled out into unwritten love letters and poems.
Living with this constant ache in my chest, where my heart used to be but it all disappeared when I was with you.
I don’t know how else to explain it other than how i’ve lived my whole life pushing people away but you were the only person who never gave up on me, and I swear that’s when I knew I was home.
I was home.
May 20, 2016
May 20, 2016 at 10:26 AM UTC
He used to tell me “what if one day you wake up in a room full of all the people who wanted to love you but you were too scared to get hurt, so you pushed them away.”
My heart’s been empty for so long, i wonder if the ghosts miss you too.
I just wanted someone to be there when i stopped hurting.
I keep it all inside cause it’s the saddest place to hide.
He told me that the walls I built up will never be broken down.
No one ever tried.
No one ever showed me that there was a reason to love.
I just need someone to make me feel again; or at least like i matter.
I’ve spent my whole life running,
why won’t anyone ask me to stay?
Why didn’t you want me to stay?
You were the ocean, and i was the girl who was in love with the sea, but was too scared to swim. The empty space where my heart used to be is aching.
No matter how far my mind wanders i am never able to stop it from clinging back to the dark shadows i try so hard to keep at bay; but when the waves crash back to the shore, my thoughts drown me, in ways you never could.
May 19, 2016
May 19, 2016 at 8:31 PM UTC
You just don’t get it.
Maybe you never will. Maybe I shouldn’t expect you to.
You just don’t understand.
Tired of all the noise in my head, when someone says your name or I think of you, until it gets so quiet I wish I never loved you.
Memorizing the way your lips curl when you say “I love you” doesn’t mean a thing anymore.
I keep having this dream where I’m in a room full of people who ever loved me and they’re all ghosts of you saying “I never loved you” over and over.
I wake up choking on your name.
Tired of wondering if you think of me when it rains, or before you fall asleep.
Maybe i’ll never know.
Maybe you’ll never get it.
I wish you understood.
Apr 15, 2016
Apr 15, 2016 at 11:58 AM UTC
The way it all stops.
Late night conversations and ‘I love you’s’ then you tell me you’re done, and months later ask me why i ever pushed you away, so i don’t. My friends ask where you went and what happened and all i can think is “I wish i knew” It was always yours against mine, always.
Until you decided to leave.
Pretending everything is fine, it is, to everyone else.
You just want them to tell you that you meant nothing to them, as if that’ll make you move on.
You think it will. Does the past ever really stay here?
How his eyes always felt like home, but you realize homes are always temporary when he leaves you.
Nights you just want to scream 'YOU STOPPED TRYING. WHY DID YOU STOP TRYING’ you built walls around yourself so thick you so you could finally move on but they always seem to slip through the cracks.
He packed his bags but left all the memories he had with you, and you realize that the trick is to find someone who doesn’t own a suitcase.
The pounding in your chest when he slams the door on your heart and you shut your eyes, this is all a dream, this is all a dream.
One second
Two
Three
Four
Why isn’t he back yet?
Five
Six
Did i lose him forever? OH GOD THIS IS NOT A DREAM COME BACK and you sit on the bathroom floor screaming with your heart in your hands. You didn’t want him to say sorry just please don’t leave please don’t leave please don’t leave.
Seven
Eight
Nine
This is whatever it is, i guess. It’s so cold without you. My heart still hurts. Baby i miss you, it’s so cold.
Ten
This is it, i love you
Apr 15, 2016
Apr 15, 2016 at 11:56 AM UTC
At night when I look up I still see the constellations I named after you, they’re still there, but you’re not; and it’s just another reminder that you’re gone.
You only called me when she wouldn’t pick up and you kept calling that love, you almost convinced me it was.
But i loved you anyways.
I loved you until I was empty and still, then I found other ways to love you like thinking of you at 4.am while you were too busy falling in love with her.
Sometimes I have to follow your ghost to the house that became abandoned the day you left so I can feel at home. I can’t tell the difference between that house and my heart anymore.
Apr 15, 2016
Apr 15, 2016 at 11:53 AM UTC
It’s 4.am and my whole world just came crashing around me as I realized, you’re forgetting about me, and there’s nothing i can do about it.
It’s times like these I wish you still loved me, or that we met sooner, I knew about you and how similar we are, how our minds work the exact same way.
Maybe then I wouldn’t have swallowed a bottle of pills when I felt like I had no one.
You never had to push me away like this you could have just let me go, but you didn’t.
Why didn’t you let me go?
And you still don’t get it, i’ve lived a hundred lifetimes and still loved you a million ways in each. I wish you knew that I can’t look at anything beautiful anymore cause I can’t share it with you.
Today I screamed “I ******* MISS YOU” in the same forest I told you about and how every time i walked through it, I felt like you were there walking along with me.
I wish you could feel what I feel.
I wish you knew that I’m still in love with you.
Apr 15, 2016
Apr 15, 2016 at 11:51 AM UTC