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leahoost
leahoost
19/F writer, artist, lover
I feel as though I’m floating; like I’m just going through the motions, waiting for it to come to an end. How do you grab hold of something you can’t see? Where is my lifeline? How can I stay when all I want to do is drift away? Disappear into the nothingness consuming me? Someone tether me to the ground, I’m ready to give up and float up into the black abyss that is my mind. Teach me how to say goodbye. Teach me how to let go. Teach me how to be at peace with myself instead of in pieces. I don’t know how much longer I can go on like this; Shattered.
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Oct 28, 2020
Oct 28, 2020 at 8:28 PM UTC
Shattered
I’ve wanted pretty, soft, hands for as long as I can remember; thin fingers, long nails. The kind that pair well with coffee mugs and bookstores. The kind you don’t hesitate to kiss; but mine are riddled with anxiety. There are scars on my knuckles from walls that didn’t deserve my anger and I can’t seem to stop biting at my fingernails. I will never be the pretty girl with soft hands and thin fingers. I am the strong girl who scales mountainsides and presses my hips into the walls I once used to punish myself. My hands haven’t been the same since I covered them in chalk and started gripping onto what has become a lifeline for me. So, no, I will never be the pretty girl with soft hands and thin fingers. I will be the strong one.
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Oct 25, 2020
Oct 25, 2020 at 9:37 PM UTC
The Strong One
If I’m being honest, I haven’t felt beautiful in a really long time; but there are moments when the light catches my eyes and I can’t help but admire them. I hold onto those moments so that whenever I feel broken or beaten down or can’t find anything kind to say about myself I can remember that there was a time when I did feel beautiful, even if it was just for a fleeting moment. A little piece of hope that maybe I can feel that way again.
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Oct 25, 2020
Oct 25, 2020 at 9:35 PM UTC
Holding Onto Moments
Give me your sunsets                                          my love and I will paint every one of them. Bring me your faith and I will  m o v e                                        t             /\              /\                n    a.      /    \            /    \           u           i  /        \          /        \     o                  n          \                /              m                         s        \                                                       for you. Share with me your darkness; and I will leave the lights on. Tell me about your dreams and I will grant your every wish. Bring me your sorrow,                                         your pain, and I will hold your hand through it. Share with me your forever, and I will promise to love you even longer.
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Oct 22, 2019
Oct 22, 2019 at 1:56 AM UTC
Promise
Yellow wasn’t always my favourite colour, but I once read that Vangogh swallowed yellow paint in an effort to know happiness; so I chose to be that for people. You could chew me up and spit me back out and I’d still shine for you. But when the skies are overcast, and the clouds weep; and you hear the thunder roll in, I’ll be the yellow paint you swallow. Only this time, the happiness stays, and you don’t have to cut your ear off in order to win my heart. I may be my own yellow now, but I’ll be the colour of sunshine for you too.
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Oct 4, 2019
Oct 4, 2019 at 3:36 PM UTC
Yellow Paint
You have become too inconsistent for me to make a home in your arms, **** you for making me feel like I’m not enough for you.
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Sep 17, 2019
Sep 17, 2019 at 11:06 PM UTC
Inconsistent
Too much has been happening It’s just one thing after another But there’s always tomorrow, yeah. I can try again tomorrow.
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Sep 6, 2019
Sep 6, 2019 at 12:43 AM UTC
Tomorrow
- I have been writing my vows Ever since the moment I heard your              Sunshine-laughter. -
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Aug 17, 2019
Aug 17, 2019 at 1:04 AM UTC
Vows
You are still in love with her. I see it in your eyes when you reminisce. About old times, About good times. So go back, If you love her; There is still time. Hurt means nothing as long as your heart still beats for her. If not me, Let it be her. I beg you, I cannot take it.
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Aug 4, 2019
Aug 4, 2019 at 8:30 PM UTC
If not me, then her.
You are worth more than An empty night of half-hearted I love you’s. Refuse to let them love only the idea of you. Stop breaking your own heart You are worth more than that.
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Aug 2, 2019
Aug 2, 2019 at 12:30 AM UTC
Refuse to just be loved at convenience