lavina - Hello Poetry

weird thinking of sweet 16 me, far away from our meeting yet still dreaming of you imagining how safe i’ll one day be in your bed, our bed. trying to guess your eye colour and gender. lying in the dark of the night laying on your chest, humming along to your heartbeat whilst you dream next to me. retracing the same lines on your skin a thousand times over. in the dark of the night fumbling through our love.

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Nov 13, 2019

Nov 13, 2019 at 7:58 AM UTC

sweet songs

weird thinking of sweet 16 me, far away from our meeting yet still dreaming of you imagining how safe i’ll one day be in your bed, our bed. trying to guess your eye colour and gender. lying in the dark of the night laying on your chest, humming along to your heartbeat whilst you dream next to me. retracing the same lines on your skin a thousand times over. in the dark of the night fumbling through our love.

2

I feel quite like I was the soulmate before you met your soulmate. I was the one who opened your eyes, I was the one who watered you in hopes you’d flourish. When damp, just as you sprouted you spat soil in my face and fled, and somewhere along your runaway you met her. There she was: the sunlight. you blossomed. I wish I were the one, I wish I was both, but I wasn’t and I won’t be and that’s okay. We weren’t meant to make it, you two were. and that’s okay

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Aug 2, 2018

Aug 2, 2018 at 6:07 PM UTC

the one before (the one)

I feel quite like I was the soulmate before you met your soulmate. I was the one who opened your eyes, I was the one who watered you in hopes you’d flourish. When damp, just as you sprouted you spat soil in my face and fled, and somewhere along your runaway you met her. There she was: the sunlight. you blossomed. I wish I were the one, I wish I was both, but I wasn’t and I won’t be and that’s okay. We weren’t meant to make it, you two were. and that’s okay

9

6/16 it could be good feeling in extremes when positive emotions surface. unfortunately, my intense emotion is easily influenced and on this planet everything good dies quickly i wish i was good

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Aug 7, 2017

Aug 7, 2017 at 7:11 PM UTC

bpd pt. 2

6/16 it could be good feeling in extremes when positive emotions surface. unfortunately, my intense emotion is easily influenced and on this planet everything good dies quickly i wish i was good

9

i keep restarting my life, saying "this is the new beginning" when is it the middle? the end? when oh when will i be happy enough with my prolouge that i don't scrap my efforts and attempt to restart. when will i just continue forward?

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Aug 7, 2017

Aug 7, 2017 at 7:09 PM UTC

'the beginning'

i keep restarting my life, saying "this is the new beginning" when is it the middle? the end? when oh when will i be happy enough with my prolouge that i don't scrap my efforts and attempt to restart. when will i just continue forward?

10

i can only find the open palms of my demons in that red mist, the ones that once held my face in a much harsher way than you do now. your calloused hands feel like heaven instead of the hell that slept in the creases of their fingerprints. sometimes i fall too close and i see their blackened eyes that replay childhood traumas that i have spent years repressing with self-destructive behaviours and alcohol. your own remind me of the rivers i could drown myself in but i must remind myself that diving in will only give me peace, not death, though it feels like death whenever they're not in my sight. sometimes i think about hurting myself again but then i remember the claws of those monsters and how they can't compare to your nails tickling at my back in the late of the night where theirs would be cutting me open. i don't ever want to be in their grip again. never again. never.

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May 28, 2017

May 28, 2017 at 4:34 PM UTC

horror

i can only find the open palms of my demons in that red mist, the ones that once held my face in a much harsher way than you do now. your calloused hands feel like heaven instead of the hell that slept in the creases of their fingerprints. sometimes i fall too close and i see their blackened eyes that replay childhood traumas that i have spent years repressing with self-destructive behaviours and alcohol. your own remind me of the rivers i could drown myself in but i must remind myself that diving in will only give me peace, not death, though it feels like death whenever they're not in my sight. sometimes i think about hurting myself again but then i remember the claws of those monsters and how they can't compare to your nails tickling at my back in the late of the night where theirs would be cutting me open. i don't ever want to be in their grip again. never again. never.

1

i'm glad you are safe with me. even if you are not loving in my arms, even if you are not kissing my lips. alcohol is meant to make others seem more attractive but it physically isn't possible to make you more beautiful than you already are so you stay the same and whilst everyone around me gets prettier you are still the most heavenly body i could ever lay my eyes on. there's nothing that could ever make me look away again. i don't know why i ever did. everyone and everything in the world is eclipsed by you. oh, it is eclipsed by your beauty.

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May 28, 2017

May 28, 2017 at 4:28 PM UTC

i still love you, even more now

i'm glad you are safe with me. even if you are not loving in my arms, even if you are not kissing my lips. alcohol is meant to make others seem more attractive but it physically isn't possible to make you more beautiful than you already are so you stay the same and whilst everyone around me gets prettier you are still the most heavenly body i could ever lay my eyes on. there's nothing that could ever make me look away again. i don't know why i ever did. everyone and everything in the world is eclipsed by you. oh, it is eclipsed by your beauty.

12

I wonder what it is that I will love the most. Maybe it’s the way you say a certain word, or that one defining feature; your one crooked tooth when the rest are straight, or the fact your eyes cross every time you cough after a draw. Maybe it’s because your mouth tastes like rice milk and your hands smell like lavender, maybe it’s the way you hold me and keep me still when the entire world is spinning. Maybe it’s because you sing all the songs you know keep me calm, or maybe it’s the way your laugh seems to roll around in your mouth and then hit everyone in the room like it’s the bowling ball and we’re the pins. I wonder what you have been through. I wonder what walls you have hit in your life, and which of those you battered through and which you sat and waiting for the bricks to crumble and fall. I wonder what you will think about when we sit in silence, is it about me? Is it about the ocean, or our dinner? I wonder about a lot of things to do with you, but I do not wonder, nor doubt that I will be uncontrollably and unfaltering-ly in love with you.

0

Oct 19, 2016

Oct 19, 2016 at 8:55 PM UTC

Wonder

I wonder what it is that I will love the most. Maybe it’s the way you say a certain word, or that one defining feature; your one crooked tooth when the rest are straight, or the fact your eyes cross every time you cough after a draw. Maybe it’s because your mouth tastes like rice milk and your hands smell like lavender, maybe it’s the way you hold me and keep me still when the entire world is spinning. Maybe it’s because you sing all the songs you know keep me calm, or maybe it’s the way your laugh seems to roll around in your mouth and then hit everyone in the room like it’s the bowling ball and we’re the pins. I wonder what you have been through. I wonder what walls you have hit in your life, and which of those you battered through and which you sat and waiting for the bricks to crumble and fall. I wonder what you will think about when we sit in silence, is it about me? Is it about the ocean, or our dinner? I wonder about a lot of things to do with you, but I do not wonder, nor doubt that I will be uncontrollably and unfaltering-ly in love with you.

2

18th August You see me floating over the water, over your home at the lake bed. Your eyes are closed but I know you can sense me in your slumber. I’ll be honest with you, as I always am, I always was honest. I just wanted to know. I wanted to know why you ***** everything you come across. Why does everything you touch fuse to you until it begins to rust and rot and fall apart? Why do the plants you touch wither and die? What poison was scrubbed over your skin at birth that caused you to be the embodiment of misery and death and suffering? I know you want to love. I can feel the wanting leaking out of you like sunbeams. I know the warmth in your heart, but I know also that it is chained and locked inside and your flesh likr frozen metal with poison spikes and anger that hurts like the plague. I’m leaving in the morning; I’ll be back at night. I’ll find a way to heal you and you can give birth to life.

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Aug 24, 2016

Aug 24, 2016 at 1:59 PM UTC

The Sturgeon

18th August You see me floating over the water, over your home at the lake bed. Your eyes are closed but I know you can sense me in your slumber. I’ll be honest with you, as I always am, I always was honest. I just wanted to know. I wanted to know why you ***** everything you come across. Why does everything you touch fuse to you until it begins to rust and rot and fall apart? Why do the plants you touch wither and die? What poison was scrubbed over your skin at birth that caused you to be the embodiment of misery and death and suffering? I know you want to love. I can feel the wanting leaking out of you like sunbeams. I know the warmth in your heart, but I know also that it is chained and locked inside and your flesh likr frozen metal with poison spikes and anger that hurts like the plague. I’m leaving in the morning; I’ll be back at night. I’ll find a way to heal you and you can give birth to life.

14

I read that anger is weakness, and that patience is strength But it is from anger that I found my strongest self, from blind fury that I learned my fists can break steel and my entire body is made from diamond. How can patience be strength when every single agony-filled second that drags by I feel myself growing weaker and frailer?

0

Aug 4, 2016

Aug 4, 2016 at 6:35 PM UTC

anger // patience

I read that anger is weakness, and that patience is strength But it is from anger that I found my strongest self, from blind fury that I learned my fists can break steel and my entire body is made from diamond. How can patience be strength when every single agony-filled second that drags by I feel myself growing weaker and frailer?

3

19th July Saturns hexagon shaped storm stuffed into a human body. I open my mouth and the black bellowing thunder batters everyone in my way into the ground, gailforce winds stealing their breath to make it mine. Ferocious tidal waves live in my eyes and leak from me and fill the room but i'm already drowning. My lungs are filled with ***** water and I feel it flooding my veins like poison. I can feel the bolts of lightning glittering behind my eyes, stunning those who try to look at me - into me. I am a complete hurricane in a persons form, a never-ending storm, a destructive monster crushing and stomping on everything in the way. A fusillade of iron bullets shoot from my skin. I need to drag everyone down with me, make them bleed with me. Suffer with me.

0

Jul 18, 2016

Jul 18, 2016 at 9:39 PM UTC

The Thunder

19th July Saturns hexagon shaped storm stuffed into a human body. I open my mouth and the black bellowing thunder batters everyone in my way into the ground, gailforce winds stealing their breath to make it mine. Ferocious tidal waves live in my eyes and leak from me and fill the room but i'm already drowning. My lungs are filled with ***** water and I feel it flooding my veins like poison. I can feel the bolts of lightning glittering behind my eyes, stunning those who try to look at me - into me. I am a complete hurricane in a persons form, a never-ending storm, a destructive monster crushing and stomping on everything in the way. A fusillade of iron bullets shoot from my skin. I need to drag everyone down with me, make them bleed with me. Suffer with me.

18