I thought i had nothing to say
But i decided to stay a million times
And you have a million eyes
And mine are brown sometimes
But sometimes in the right light they look green too
Just like yours
Sometimes I have dreams about you and me
But it’s not the same ones they used to be
I needed you to tell me that you see your future, that you’ll see me later
But I think deep down there was never any future
At least not in this lifetime
And I think I’ve always been Tom and you’ve always been Summer
Or maybe Sid and Nancy
Metaphorically speaking of course but it still hurts just as bad
I think I must’ve died a hundred times
You said you wanted my collar bones
So I gave them to you
Because out of all the things I’ve grown out of
You were never one of them
Sometimes i lie here wondering how you remember me
If you think about the songs that played the way i do
How sometimes Kele Okereke comes on shuffle on the way to the gas station
And i have to go home on empty
Jun 5, 2018
Jun 5, 2018 at 9:19 AM UTC
I drove past your house the other day
Where you and i
Would lay for hours
On top of the old roof
Where the sunlight would kiss your face
As the sun set itself to sleep every night
Old friends share greetings with beer
And when the alcohol
Starts to course itself through my veins
Like a blend of colors mixing in a river bend
It helps me numb out the memories of us here
To temporarily mend
Some days
I forgot my sadness exists
And it doesn't hurt when you don't call
But sometimes
I get choked up
Over the sound of your voice
When I replay your missed calls
Like the old broken record
We found in your house that one time
The one that I drove past the other day
Dec 27, 2017
Dec 27, 2017 at 3:22 AM UTC
How am I supposed
To feel anything
When all I see is colors
In black and white
Aug 8, 2017
Aug 8, 2017 at 1:11 AM UTC
I've traded in hearts for habits
for using those who let me in
And allow me to wipe my feet on their fresh wounded hearts like welcoming mats that collect dirt in old broken homes
Who welcome me to build my house into a home
Made out of sticks rather than stone because let's face it
I've never been good at being home
And like lines in white drugs
I've grown habits to use them like I use you
Like we use each other
And I like the way that it makes me feel
I like the way that you make me feel
I like
the way
it feels
So I stay where I am
As you undress my clothes
Undress my childhood memories
Undress my parents vacant home
Promises we've kept to ourselves
That we'd never speak of love and only stick to the things we know best
Things we always wanted to accomplish
Whispering at night while the walls sweat with secrets meant sleeping all day and making daylight our rehab
With love, comes fear
So I ran with a heart that dried up and buried it in foreign soil
And maybe once spring comes again it'll grow like we once did and my heart will be sober again
My addictions have become acquainted with my daily routines because lately it seems like this never ending road is a path straight to hell
But maybe I don't want to leave
Maybe I'm too comfortable where I am
And while we're being honest, if we're being honest at all
I dont remember what it's like to be my old self anymore
Sep 26, 2016
Sep 26, 2016 at 11:13 AM UTC
I placed my phone beneath my pillow
Hoping that you’d call
Just to tell me how you watched the sunrise this morning
And how you’ve been homesick
So I can tell you to come home
And welcome you with open arms
To let you know
That even if it were five years from now
It’s always been you
May 1, 2016
May 1, 2016 at 6:45 PM UTC
For three years we spent walking around the fall leaves talking about our dreams
As if the leaves themselves were crumpled up notes with our dreams scratched on them
You'll never know how hard it's been
Constantly wishing for a 'tomorrow button'
To restart and restitch ourselves at the seams
We have the same holes in our hearts
But maybe I'll finally be able to wash your blood off my hands and keep them clean
And keep ourselves from falling apart
I spent this past summer transferring from trains
Collecting nickels from city sidewalks to keep whatever left of sane I have in me
And for every dollar I should've saved
I could've bought a newfound love
Not for us
But for myself
I spent this past winter learning what "cold" really meant
That no blanket, no heater, no love could ever warm
I insisted on falling in love with glaciers almost my whole life
But eventually I made friends with the sun
And remained enemies with no one but myself
Because I allowed you to feed me lit matches
As you watched my paper insides go up in flames
and now all that's left are the ashes of my memories you claim you no longer know
being swept between the living room rug and couch
where our lips used to perfectly align together
But we both know we can't make homes out of abandoned places
So that's why our love continues to collect dust with our furniture
Somedays it's still summer and the window's open and im falling asleep to the sound of the cars outside your window
But I wake up every morning hoping that you'd call so I can finally ask "in what year does our spring never come?"
Apr 25, 2016
Apr 25, 2016 at 11:16 PM UTC
I can tell you all about betrayal
And heartbreak
Just ask about the time I spent alone on your birthday at your headstone
Let's talk about our car rides
And the way you ripped up the map
Then set your destination to the insides of my chest cavity
And how you expected it to be perfectly paved to your veins
Or when you thought
my soul was the key to your north node
I wanna talk about how every time I watch a star die out
It's just a reminder that memories don't last forever
At least ours didn't
Or maybe this is me trying to forget you like you forgot me
Id give anything just to speak with you one last time
And ask you to teach me how easily it was for you to leave someone you once called home
Nov 24, 2015
Nov 24, 2015 at 3:44 AM UTC
I am constantly stuck in a place between awake and sleep
And it makes me wonder
How I ended up here
And when I arrived
I am constantly interrogated by the sound and motion of my thoughts
Mainly where I am questioning why the change of heart
Or lack thereof
And why I was sentenced to confinement when proved innocent
These continuous motions have left me seasick
Ever since you took the map and made me walk the plank
And watched along with your pioneers
As their waves crashed into your brain
When you saw it as a cleansing
And welcomed it
Like you assured with my trust
Between your silence and your actions
The only difference is the volumes
Within your actions
They could crack sidewalks
Keeping afloat on my back
Something not so uncommon
I am straying away from your vessel
Slowly but surely
Where I can be found between your constant state of awake and sleep.
Nov 8, 2015
Nov 8, 2015 at 1:15 AM UTC
Because I love you
I'll take interest in the things you're fond of.
Because I love you
I'll cancel my scheduled Tuesday night plans just to see you for an hour.
Because I love you
I'll purchase all the ingredients to make one perfect intoxicated night because you asked me to.
Because I love you
I don't tell you about the things you do that bother me.
Because I love you
I'll strain all my other relationships.
Because I love you
You threw down eggshells and glass and told me to walk, so I did.
Because I love you
I stood still while you raised your hands because you told me you loved me afterwards.
Because I love you
I asked you once, twice, three times, "who is she and why?"
Because I love you
I stayed.
I stayed for the glimpse of hope you gave for every other half sorry you told me.
"You can't leave me, you're not allowed.
Because I love you."
I sunk deep within my thoughts.
"You'll never find anyone better than me.
Because I love you."
Because I love you
I sought for every reason why my denial was justified and stayed within the fine lines of my ignorance because it was bliss.
547 days later it hit me harder than a ton of bricks, that I found comfort in knowing that every seven years all the cells in our body are destroyed, and that one day I will have a body that you will never have touched.
Oct 30, 2015
Oct 30, 2015 at 11:11 PM UTC
Every morning I'll wake up shaking from the things I lack in life.
So I'll add ***** to my coffee to help forget.
I'll mix my anxiety with more stimulants to help preoccupy my mind.
A million thoughts racing but you make it a million and one.
I don't think about him the way I think about you.
I still remember the way your hands would shake whenever they were placed on my hips and the way you kissed my neck never felt short of feeling unsure.
When the tips of our fingers graze each other, I still remember how hesitant you were to touch a square inch of my flesh.
Your absence left me nervous and that's become my new identity, but even though we've been acquainted before, we became close friends.
Afraid of letting go so we grew together instead.
My hands shake just like yours do and I still add anxiety to my liquid courage and pray that I wake up the next morning hoping to drink my coffee alone and maybe then I can tell you the reason why I am intertwined within his sheets and not yours is because he made me feel like someone wanted me, and that's something you could never do.
Oct 26, 2015
Oct 26, 2015 at 1:49 AM UTC