What a journey.
One cloaked with an ignored irony.
It's as if the words I say turn the actions of life around.
The opposite occurs.
My fears to reality.
My dreams to failure.
Though distraught,
I will again be strengthened.
By the God that is bound by no ironic world.
One who's reality is far higher than my thoughts of it.
The One who will pursue even in my deepest hurt.
The One who comforts in my loneliest.
In Him I hope.
When my emotions fail me.
When my laughter cannot be found.
When my strength is not accounted for.
I will still continue to hope in Him.
It's a part of the journey.
The hills and valleys, forever a part of this ride.
Undefined by my own perception.
Defined by the One who created the journey.
A journey to draw me closer to Him,
for that is the goal.
To know a love that exceeds my mind.
To find that in the God of the Universe.
Yes, what a journey this is.
Sep 10, 2017
Sep 10, 2017 at 12:29 AM UTC
I come to write whenever I need to let out.
Sometimes I feel so trapped in this chaotic world,
Constantly filling up and never pouring out.
I've dated a boy for two years.
He was to take away the pain of him.
He was suppose to be temporary.
A sweet man he evolved into; nothing like him.
He pursues me truly, not like him.
He is consistent, not like him.
He loves sweetly-never fighting & always patient, not like him.
He isn't dangerous. Not like him.
ive read about bad-boys.
My heart always craved for one.
Someone to take me away from the safe-zone I've always felt; someone different.
Perhaps that's why I fell so hard in love with "him" years ago.
Perhaps that's why I still find glimpses of the sadness from losing "him" on the lonely nights.
But then I look at the one my heart truly loves.
I've found that love isn't a feeling, as much as that bad boy in my adolescence made me feel.
To see a man choose me in every way.
To see a man be patient in waiting, in pursuing, and guarding my heart.
To see a man sacrifice his own desires for mine constantly.
To see a man believe in me.
To see a man provide.
To see a man who loves.
Is far more beautiful than the emotional confliction I called "love" in my younger years.
ive found a man who has truly taught me to love.
And for that, I am surrendering my past and pressing on to the future.
For I believe in a love, the kind I thought didn't exist, to continue breaking me, molding me, and changing me.
To love I owe it all.
Jan 8, 2017
Jan 8, 2017 at 7:31 AM UTC
r,
it's been a while since i've written. i guess i thought that if i didn't write, didn't talk, or even thought, you would finally leave. you still haunt me. it's been three years, and i still claim that i see you on the roads-the roads i know you're not on. it's been three years and i still imagine any day is the one-the one you call me up and just want to talk.
to make matters worse, i fell in love. we've been dating, and it's year one. i fell in love, but i didn't. it's so confusing i know.
i fell in love with him in my mind. he's perfect, r. to everyone but me, it seems like he's the one. he loves me so much, it's unimaginable. he's safe-he will always provide for me. he would do anything for me, he has no flaw.
but he's not you.
i fell in love with you with my heart a long time ago, and it seems like you still have not returned it. i pray to my God day in and day out that you would show up, that He would show me a sign. i would love to let go. i want you to be gone. how can someone not be present, but still always appear?
i'm sorry this letter is the worst one any soul has ever written. i'm sad. i'm tired. i'm done. i can't even form beautiful words to bear my heavy heart.
just know that as always, i am carrying on. i am writing, i am praying, i am crying, i am singing, i am trusting. and r, i am living. i've been choosing every day to be joyous. i've been trusting that one day this will all get figured out.
let me tell you a little secret though:
i still want to believe that you are the one.
Aug 23, 2016
Aug 23, 2016 at 2:31 AM UTC
The only solice my heart found was finding words the explicitly described the hurt my heart held.
Memories of the past only hurt.
Desires and dreams only provoked.
But words.
They held peace.
May 30, 2015
May 30, 2015 at 4:47 PM UTC
It made sense.
There wasn't the confusion
Is he the one
Is he right
Is this it
Just peace.
Peace that surpasses understanding.
And a knowledge that the only conflicting agenda
Was the confliction of her heart.
A heart that never renewed its knowledge in trust.
Apr 16, 2015
Apr 16, 2015 at 12:11 AM UTC
She finally broke down.
That smile she'd been framing, it was almost picture perfect by the consistency of it.
Every day a smile to greet any who passed by.
And only till the day it didn't show did people miss it.
Because it seems like human beings have a tendency to only appreciate something when it's missing.
Nov 22, 2014
Nov 22, 2014 at 12:03 PM UTC
I find myself singing when I think of you,
but it's scary how love works.
It's as if when you find it,
Your fear that it may never last overcomes you.
I find myself placing a wall to guard the easily swayed heart deep down inside.
Because I fear you'll be like the rest, like the others.
It's a battle, a battle I feel I always lose.
But isn't that what happens.
Isn't it that crazy thing we call life.
We dance, we sing, we cry, we laugh, we doubt, we fear,
But oh how what an amazing thing it is
To finally find love.
Or so that's what I've been told.
Oct 1, 2014
Oct 1, 2014 at 12:09 AM UTC
I do it to myself all the time.
It seems to all crash in slow motion-all of it.
The desire for everything to be fixed overtakes me yet I to push away anyone who has the capability to bring me harm.
But they don't know who I am.
My failures seem more than any victory I long to hope for.
It's as if everyday as I drive on home, I dread to walk into the door I call "home".
My silent prayer is a plea to be anyone but me.
My thoughts have become so hidden, that I've disguised this monster I've become.
And maybe that's exactly what sends my heart cracking into tiny pieces.
The fact that I've become a monster.
The fact that I can smile, laugh, say the right things, yet still feel the pain my heart longs to get rid of.
Rescue me, Lord.
The battle will go on, I understand that.
But refuge never sounded so sweet.
Sep 18, 2014
Sep 18, 2014 at 11:53 PM UTC
There was a different type of breaking in my heart.
It wasn't over the fact of missing the one my soul loved,
It was the fact that there was a void in my heart that only love could fill.
Jul 8, 2014
Jul 8, 2014 at 1:53 AM UTC
I think of you when I savor the taste of strawberry ice cream in the summer time.
When I'm driving down town and i stop at a red light, I remember the late night drives we always had and how we never stopped, we just kept driving.
When I see a couple walking down the street laughing, I remember the nights you held my hand and whispered to me, "you're mine."
I still have those tickets from one of our first dates when we played in the arcade shooting those stupid basketballs.
I remember how serious you were to beat your old score, that competitive demeanor you always have had.
I remember how protective you were of me, how much I thought you loved me.
Why did you walk away? The part that hurts me the most is that maybe you fell in love with your feelings instead of actually the person before you. The little girl who so longed to be pursued and loved. I guarded my heart so well against yours, perhaps it was the guard of my heart that finally pushed you away testing to see if you loved me enough to break through.
And right when you were about to,
You left.
I left.
I guess the funny part is that I had no idea how much I ended up loving you, until it was too late.
Jul 7, 2014
Jul 7, 2014 at 3:29 PM UTC