I'm wasting my time
She is never coming back
She can not come back
Jan 23, 2016
Jan 23, 2016 at 1:26 AM UTC
I found love
And when it was torn away
I wasn't ready
I stopped my clock
And now I am living a lie
Trapped in time
I see her in my dreams
I feel her in my heart
I roll over at night
Wishing she was there
For me to hold onto
I still cry
I still miss her
But I wear a mask
I tell everyone that I'm great
But I have nightmares
Every
Single
Night
And every day
I smile the best crooked smile I know
And it's good enough to get me through
Half the time I can't breathe
Hot tears sting my cheeks
But I just wipe them away
Before anyone can see
Back to bed I go
I am broken
I can't feel anything but pain
I am in love
And I cannot function
I cannot move on
I lay in bed
Unable to move
Unable to face the world
Clutching my pillow
Hoping one day
I will wake up
And she will be sleeping next to me again
Jan 23, 2016
Jan 23, 2016 at 1:12 AM UTC
Frozen in bed
Buried beneath the weight of dread
Unable to break the covers
Unable to meet my feet to the ground
Unable to face the world of lies
I just want to stay here
In bed
Forever
I see her
When I close my eyes
My dreams have become my reality
She feels real
Her breath
Warm on my neck
Her hands
Soft on my face
Her body
Curled around mine
I don't want to be anywhere else
I want to be lost here
Please don't wake me up
Jan 23, 2016
Jan 23, 2016 at 1:06 AM UTC
I am coerced into loathsome desperation
Unable to elicit a feeling of existence
All because my dreams violently clash with reality
I cannot prevail
I will not survive
I am weak
Failing to hunt down a sufficient supply of motivation
Buried beneath the world of paperbacks
Scrambling to bump into an emotion that will jump start my heart
An adrenaline ****** suffering withdrawal
Tormenting this flaccid ***** in my chest
Please, someone tackle me into relapse
Every attempt to ascend from darkness
Annihilated
With each crash and burn
Extracts the impossible truth
I cannot feel
I do not care
I am dead
Where is the spark that I used to lust for?
Am I Blind or Broken?!
I need to feel
I need to want
I need to prosper
Taunting a pair of keen eyes to electrify my neurons
Demanding a bitten lip to punch a hole in my gut
Slamming bodies against bodies into doorways
Grabbing confidently
Kissing forcefully
Unbuttoning frantically
But...
I can't
Feel
Anything
Love and Lust are one in the same
I can't coddle one without the other
Jan 21, 2016
Jan 21, 2016 at 11:36 PM UTC
I am in loathsome desperation
This lack of feeling is drowning me
And I can't find a sufficiently safe distraction to break me through the surface
(I'm not sure I want to be safe)
Buried beneath the world of novels
Living vicariously through characters that I wished were real
Scrambling to bump into an emotion that will jump start my heart
I feel dead
I want someone to punch a hole in my gut with their lips
I want someone's touch to ignite the fire
(I want to meet an arsonist)
Where is that spark that I used to lust for?
Am I blind or broken?
Possibly just lost
Suffering through horrified adrenaline withdrawal
I'm a ****** for standing on the edge
Please, someone push me into relapse
Jan 19, 2016
Jan 19, 2016 at 4:56 PM UTC
I have no conscious left to guide me through this one
My brain doesn't know how to handle all this hatred
There are no options left
I will not waste another exhausting moment trying to understand
My heart doesn't know how to handle all this pain
There are no options left
I had never been so ******* caught off guard
My soul doesn't know how to juggle all these broken pieces
There is not a single ******* option left
Aug 9, 2015
Aug 9, 2015 at 6:42 PM UTC
With the night
Comes coldness
Seeping in quickly
In time
Everything
Becomes darkness
A flicker of a flame
Barely serving a purpose
Silently hoping
That someone notices
The pitiful smoke signal
The slow sad light
Holds my long lost gaze
For countless moments
I am
Alone
And forever thinking so
Numb
And careless to feel again
Broken
And undeserving
Angry
At everything
Refraining from the worst
But the impulse is torture
Desperately in need
Of a body
For comfort
When suddenly
A voice
From the depth of the shadows
Calls out
"Hey"
Too low and deep
That it pokes at my imagination
The voice steps
Into the poor pitiful light
"Do you want a beer?"
Aug 7, 2015
Aug 7, 2015 at 12:50 AM UTC
If I **** myself
Everything will be okay
Because time goes on
Jul 19, 2015
Jul 19, 2015 at 2:11 PM UTC
I am a human with feelings that vary with different tones
I shouldn't ******* care about other people's comfort zones
With you I shouldn't feel as if I have to hide
Especially 'cause you agreed to be my bride
Do you want me to tell you
That I'm okay when I'm not?
Because I'd rather be able to tell you my every thought
Is it in your best interest to have me comfort you with lies?
Because I wholeheartedly refuse to disguise my cries
I want to be able to tell you how I honestly feel
Without an argument creating a nasty ordeal
No matter how brutal the truth may be
I wish you would just listen to me
Who's the one who gets upset when I hide in my shell
So why, when I tell, do you raise so much hell
Aug 6, 2014
Aug 6, 2014 at 10:14 AM UTC
You give me that feeling where my feet don't touch the ground
And our breathing is the only sound
You give me that feeling where my breath catches in my throat
With closed eyes I freely float
You give me that feeling where my heart beats against my chest
And everything else is expressed
You give me that feeling when my hands can explore the contours of your skin
And it creates a powerful passion within
You give me that feeling when my eyes get struck with your pair
And I can't help but stare
You give me that feeling when your lips collide with mine
With one smooth movement we align
We become one
And we shine
The definition of love we rewrote
My entire heart I will devote
To you my love
My one and only
I'll never let you be lonely
Ever again
I've given up my heart and then
I'll take your hand
And I promise to always stand
By your side forever
Whatsoever
Nov 1, 2013
Nov 1, 2013 at 5:44 PM UTC