i love being this high.
where i can't feel a thing.
but i can feel everything, all at once, every fiber of my being I can feel.
i don't know if this is a good thing.
all i can think about were those morning **** rips with your family,
margarita night with your mom.
i loved the **** out of you, and that was always the problem wasn't it?
i accepted too much, i had seen too much of you.
always one for mystery.
i miss how your breathe felt on my neck.
I miss how your eyes looked in the morning, my ******* vampire of a man.
covered in me, and you, and us.
and that one mistake of a afternoon.
and everything you tried to fake.
you can't fake something like that.
you can't fake the way my hands felt on your neck in the early hours of the day.
it's okay, though.
it turned out better than we had ever thought possible.
Dec 19, 2016
Dec 19, 2016 at 12:08 AM UTC
everything bad happens for a reason, i think.
everything good happens by chance, by luck.
i never really planned a good thing that's happened in my life.
they just kind of happened.
that night with the cows.
the night with the bottle and a back road.
the day we got too ****** to move from your bed.
so we discovered each other instead. i still know how many freckles you have, how many scars were from jumping off ****
you always swore you could fly.
that one weekend we threw together and called it a good time.
that night in the car, the rain coming down.
i was buzzed, off cheap wine and young love.
i said i think it's early, but i think i love you.
the day at the beach when for once my family didn't fight.
all unplanned, all amazing.
the bad things though, i hand picked them.
i couldn't of chosen better.
Dec 19, 2016
Dec 19, 2016 at 12:07 AM UTC
this is a different kind of heartbreak.
it's the kind that you feel everywhere.
you wake up with your bones, aching.
short of breathe from one too many cigarettes the night before.
i see you in my dreams.
the you you were before.
before the truth, before the outrage.
before reality kicked in.
you don't love her like you want to.
and you never will.
you can't love a copy when you're still loving the blueprint.
Dec 19, 2016
Dec 19, 2016 at 12:06 AM UTC
i want to know what nickname you have for her.
i wonder if it's the same thing you called me.
i want to know how it felt when you ****** her for the first time.
was it better?
was it love?
you're the only person ive ever made love with.
the real cheesy kind.
the kind you see in the movies, or read in adult novels.
we were one. one body, one soul, one mind.
we could both twist the situation to make ourselves look better.
but, at the end of it all we loved to a fault.
we loved to a limit we didn't know existed.
we were never really forever, i see that now.
but i know, sometimes when you look at her, laying beside you in your bed, you're thinking of that week at the beach when every morning you woke up to my hair in your face and my arm strewn across your chest.
and i know sometimes, when you **** her, you think about how different i made you feel and how much you miss that thing i did with my tongue.
little things like that, are what you're going to miss.
while im here wondering what you told your parents about her.
Dec 18, 2016
Dec 18, 2016 at 11:38 PM UTC
i fall in love with
people who can
only seem to love
ghosts.
ghosts of past lovers,
ghosts of themselves,
ghosts of ghosts.
maybe when
i finish
diminishing myself
down to nothing,
ill be able to
be loved too.
Feb 4, 2015
Feb 4, 2015 at 11:41 PM UTC
what if this future i have
in my head isn't real?
it's nothing detailed,
because everyone likes
a little surprise.
it's like a rough sketch,
but what if there's never any
final product?
what if i never get to color
inside the lines?
what if there's never
a gorgeous masterpiece
for me to leave behind?
what then?
Feb 4, 2015
Feb 4, 2015 at 8:46 PM UTC
i like feeling
insignificant in
comparison to
the large scale
of things.
that's why
before i die,
i want to spend
a week beside the ocean.
& every night,
i want to sit right
where the shore meets the sand
and feel as free as the waves
crashing in the distance.
and i want to go find
a rooftop, that's just the perfect height
and get some blankets
and fall asleep,
just a speck in a
massive space.
but somehow, that doesn't scare me
the way it should.
Jan 16, 2015
Jan 16, 2015 at 10:50 PM UTC
you never
really made me
feel as alive
as that
roof top did
tonight.
and i realized,
that's all i wanted.
i wanted someone
to make me feel
alive and whole and worthy and important.
like im worth someone laying down for hours, and just staring.
Jan 16, 2015
Jan 16, 2015 at 10:17 PM UTC
there's something
wrong with my mind.
it no longer seems to be
mine.
chaos erupts and panic ensues.
an earthquake starts
in my mind
and my sanity starts
crumbling.
some days i feel so high,
untouchable even.
but soon after,
i crash land into
a pool of depression
that i barely pull
myself out of before i start
to drown in it.
i hear you but never see you.
why are you hiding from me?
why are you here in the first place?
are you even here?
**** im doing it again.
why can't i breathe why can't i see why can't i hear everything is unclear.
in. out. in. out.
please send help
before my lungs collapse on themselves
before i drown
before i start seeing where the voices are coming from
before i stop getting out of bed
before it becomes too much
before
Jan 14, 2015
Jan 14, 2015 at 9:51 PM UTC
i can feel
myself slowly
slipping
back into you.
it already feels
like poison
but it looks
like heaven,
so why
does
it seem like
it's gonna hurt
like hell?
Jan 14, 2015
Jan 14, 2015 at 9:45 PM UTC