I would give up some happiness
for a
little depth & to gain some
mental space to try to think for
myself. I might
spend a bit of time alone. But
I’d just use it to try
to grow in originality without
external influence
trying to adjust what suits them.
Still, I would give
up some depth to make another
happy. So I could give back
what was given to me.
Accountability to become a better
person.
Jan 12
Jan 12, 2026 at 1:05 AM UTC
In a daily moment discipline, the constant refusal to be hardened when
the world offers reasons to do so, even so there are memories that do not hurt
anyone anymore, a craving to be held onto too, a way healed in inner-bone remembers. Not
longer holding fast to it, mistaken intensity at all times as truth, forgetting that what
lasts, often speaks in a lower
Register. Leaving it behind. Sometimes I still care. But it’s time
for it to be completed. Still in fear of wanting deeply. Not even letting you know. Better than wanting nothing at all. Passages of life doesn’t alter understanding towards or inwards, it edits & alters in a molding changing, & what was honest, truthful, virtuous, Holy remains to glow stronger, because I kept wanting to become healthier. There is
particular grace for every day coming into existence & choosing to follow those bright lights from Heaven. Even joy carries a shadow, because it insists on being real. Even without
letting you know. Meaning carried out & expressed in fragments, in each place, requiring care rather than certainty, taking the cares away. The moral life in quiet consistency of
unobserved decisions & learned how
to pat myself on my back, smile & continue.
Jan 10
Jan 10, 2026 at 1:33 AM UTC
As far as words go, or the spoken word,
act it on it.
Be better, because, sooner or
later. Develop an interest in virtue.
Practice morality. Sooner rather than later,
you’ll become drunkenly amongst saints.
Rose-white mind blooming seeing all
glory while being
stunned by awe, bear-witness at
angels singing. Choir of beauty.
Dec 2, 2025
Dec 2, 2025 at 10:29 PM UTC
Oh that was simple, the love came from the hearts
& it lit me up because you did it well.
I saw the quality in you & wanted it to something that matters,
without a word spoken between, we enmeshed everything
together. Praying that it won’t stop.
Feeling safe amongst one another. Experiencing further than luxury,
the impact from & on one another was almost holy. Don’t
stop. Unsure how an impression smells like through the incense
in the ether. Memories lives, future moments in daydreams, intertwined in
extreme intricate ways while both remaining present for thee.
No best way to put,
for now, we’re settling on poetry coming alive. And it’s
going to take divine intervention to forget about her, to move on, pretend
she's not in earth's orbit. My jaw keeps dropping to every time I
see her
looking at me, like in way of she’s out of my league. Needing
to be shaken back into the present moment so I wouldn’t stutter, remember to
speak or even dare to wink back after I giggle. Her laced in beauty, going all over her being, the soul, the smile, the character, her flesh, anything in relation to her.
Have mercy upon me. Nothing else matters now & I’m forgetting how to be, getting
choked up in front of her. To compensate, I rely on those poems,
changing hands, leaving them around the place for her to find. Got this heart rebuilding.
Because these sensations I’m venting out, not a girl in my head, transported from
elsewhere. So who do I give my unconditional praise to?
Nov 24, 2025
Nov 24, 2025 at 10:28 PM UTC
I’ll never claim moral authority.
I could never tell
what’s good for me. Installation
welcome for moral education.
A ginger car, foot on the
break. I practice saying hello.
Though I’m poor at it.
Angel please offer your hand
to me. A catalog of books
to read.
I have so many stories to write.
But I drive on the open road,
so I too, could be a memory.
I’ll never find what’s right for me.
If grace could be define,
it would be a quiet phase, another
person, learning for the
better. Who never knows, but
it’s gone now. So I’m craving more.
But I’m traveling to trigger
prompts of moral lessons, just
to conjure the need to practice
is where I fail to act.
I’m just waiting to crumble again.
All I know, be a ***** when
it comes to your own ethics.
Nov 14, 2025
Nov 14, 2025 at 7:11 PM UTC
Coffee is good for life,
you’re good for the soul.
And you spinned me into
another universe.
After we dropped our
shoulders & let the
insecurities go. And
we’re the happiest
in each others presence
& we never heard of
co-dependance before.
Nov 12, 2025
Nov 12, 2025 at 5:45 PM UTC
In magic folklore, as tangible, as real,
in the world I see now,
I heard no more of the everyday person, but
a shocking scream I’d never
forget, what a weeping beauty that
in a instant, of golden glow,
has highlighted everything of ugly
& saw everything for as it is, it was never Holy.
Jan 17, 2022
Jan 17, 2022 at 6:20 AM UTC
DIARY ENTRY, EIGHT
By darcy prince
Today I bought some protein powder, which is the first time doing so. I’m a vegetarian, for a while I was eating chicken, as long as it was well-cooked. But I can’t remember the last I had any. I take fish oil, most of the time, twice a day. My other ways of getting protein now, mainly boiled eggs, always around six of them. If I forget to boil some, it’s fried eggs. I don’t eat yokes. I normally boil them early in the afternoon, then go off for the rest of my day, leaving them in the fridge until evening. Because of the heat & my apparent time constrict, is why I cooked them & left them to cool, by the time it’s time for dinner, the eggs have cooled down. I am actually looking over videos to it, how to make them, ways to take them, etc. Which I should have done prior. But since I don’t eat meat, it is worth a try. Expensive. But you get a lot for what you pay for. But it is a part of my weight loss journey. Which has been a back & forth this year. Even though I’ve been told so many times that I’m not fat. I just think I wasn’t healthy, that's all. Yes, for aesthetic reasons I am searching for, maybe a Greek ecstasy. Maybe some attention to. Since my last entry, I have talked about dating again. More so asking a crush out. I still think it won’t go well. In about 90 mins, I am going for a walk. If it’s not for health, do it for attention, but it’s worth giving it a go. It’s a little of my NoFap journey or in other words, getting to know myself again.
See what happens, I’m actually more curious to see if I’ll stick to the protein powder things. I am worried about the sugar content & learning another way besides mixing it with milk. Which has both high levels or sugar & fat. My landlord asked me why I never took any. Asking when coming home with a new container of fish oil. Which I had never thought of. I mean, I saw them around the shops selling, etc. Walking around the shops, I saw a container on sale, for why not. On the way, I realize how I'm supposed to take it? When to take it? Etc. With all that fun stuff.
Oh to the experiences I’ve missed out on, by not being tall, thin & attractive.
I don’t think people are interested in my idiots, food things & body image problems. Which is always an issue, sometimes any underlying shame that's trauma prone comes in when one is an adult, you’re more aware & have the skill to correct but those emotions in feeling the issues hits all at once, leaving one cripplyong.
My smoking hasn't been the best. I’m still in the habit of every two or three days, I’ll smoke an entire pack & go out to buy another one, by the end of it, the second pack, at least half of it’s gone. The virtue of humanity is on such a slow rise to the top, it’s so hard to do, yet such a struggle to do so, as vice seems so normal & effortless to do. Being into moral philosophy, I could spend that money, time, whatever on so many other things. I seem to never be able to swing into the mood to do anything about it. This is where some of my personal shame comes from, realizing for the first time how much youth is wasted on the young. I’m sure I’m looking forward to having a rock bottom in this area, I wonder what will actually trigger it? Maybe the actual habit of having it or my lack of financial skill is the cause why I’m single. I know there is dignity in the effort.
My thinking will be the death of me. I know better, or at least the awareness I could do better. My actions do not follow that.
Though if you’re asking me, sweets, chocolates, whatever would be taken out of school, a legal age for fast food, higher taxes for such companies that produce such food items, so-on. It does seem hard to get healthier, to lose weight, to be somewhat aesthetically pleasing once you age. Not all of it is the result of not being able to, just a biological part of life. Those self-help gurus who fail to throw out either of anything negative are maladjusted people, failing to connect the knowledge of a healthy lifestyle to someone’s emotions & economic access. We're in a culture where it’s cheaper to buy chocolate than it is to buy fruit. Chocolate for comfort rather than a one off pleasurable treat. Fruit for the body to fuel the mind but displayed for health nuts. Is the show ‘The Biggest Loser’ still a thing? It's an entire societal thing. My weight gain in my adult year is really up to me. At least I know the difference between McDonals to a fruit shop. For what alone is a part of my own doing. If I adopt that sort of all-time positive thinking as those self-proclaimed guru’s, I indirectly flee from reality, to elicit a community where nothing could ever possibly go wrong. It’s not solely a matter of being sexually attractive in the eyes of other people, but by simply supporting local fruit shops, I’ve provided a small contribution to the running of their shop & a slight chance of never having their prices go up & the healthy my body is, the more freedom the medical & scientific community is to focus on much harsher realities of life, such as mental illness & the cure to cancer. I know that seems dramatic but a large amount of truth is in it.
Nov 16, 2021
Nov 16, 2021 at 8:47 PM UTC