On your wedding day we'll celebrate, the power of love's kiss
Teagan is our blushing Bride, the handsome Groom is Chris
Just care about each other, live in harmony and bliss
Those precious times, that you will share, you'll never want to miss
Maybe you are nervous, and perhaps your full of stress?
But you'll be fine when you put on, your pretty wedding dress
The beauty and your radiance, with sprinkles of success
An elegance that's unsurpassed, a touch of pure finesse
With everyone who's shared your day, and every friend you've known
The gratitude that we all feel, with all the love you've shown
Now you are together, you should never feel alone
Because you will have each other, and a family your own
The gifts that people send to you, they're really a small token
Compared to solid bands of gold, strong bonds that are unbroken
A truer word has not been said, it never will be spoken
You're just two souls, who've found their way, where lovers are awoken
You never should be selfish, these are the ties that bind
Now that you are man and wife, you always should be kind
Treat each other with respect, because you are both entwined
Remember your commitments, a good heart is hard to find
At times you may not listen, you'll make the odd mistake
But all we need is common sense, with a little give and take
Together with your lovely girls, those hearts we never break
It all started with "I do", and the cutting of a cake
A brand new chapter has begun, a journey you can't measure
Cherished moments you will find, in days that you will treasure
You always should stay faithful, take life at your own leisure
Things may not come too easily, but you will enjoy the pleasure
After the last guest has gone, with remnants of confetti
You may feel a little hot, your palms could be quite sweaty
Teatime could be lots of fun, while sitting on the settee
If you can spell, then you'll go far, with alphabet spaghetti?
Sometimes he'll leave the seat up, wet towels left on the floor
The toothpaste tube will loose it's lid, please close the toilet door!
You'll try to keep things tidy, with every daily chore
No matter what your flaws may be, you're someone she'll adore
When you're back home and both alone, when everything seems right
Get those furry handcuffs out, don't close them up too tight
Your lingerie will guarantee, you're in for a good night!
Just make sure, you lock the door, turn out that bedroom light
You are his Aphrodite, you're loving and you're sweet
He may be your Hercules, that sweeps you of your feet?
She's such a caring lady, she's the best you'll ever meet
The pool of life is waiting, when the memories complete
I wish you every happiness, I will send my love your way
And as you are now married, you don't need the brides Bouquet
Get down to the buffet, boogie the night away
You deserve your hearts desire, on your wedding day
Sep 22, 2025
Sep 22, 2025 at 3:32 AM UTC
Your special day is here again, what am I supposed to do?
The usual stuff is easy, so I'll send my love to you
I know you are a ****** and you like to have a few
With the tipple of your choice, we'll raise a glass or two
So it is your birthday, so what do you expect?
Are you going to have a drink, and loose your self respect?
Go on have a bottle, you can savour the effect
The influence of alcohol, works great on age neglect!
For one day it is okay, to loose your inhibitions
Okay I will acknowledge, that I have my own suspicions
I've heard plucking guitarists, In the circle of musicians
Use their ****** plectrums, in a number of positions?
So it is your birthday, I will send you my best wishes
Disregard how old you are, leave all those ***** dishes
No more chores but what you need, is a touch of the ambitious
**** what other people think, and sod plenty of fishes
Enjoy yourself by going forth, you're entitled after all
It's your day and you can say, that you are walking tall
Be proud of any tipsiness, but should you ever fall
A gutter's no bed substitute, so give a cab a call
So it is your birthday, at the ****** of the day!
I wander if your bit of fun, was placid or risqué?
You'll be back next time around, it's more than a cliché
Just like a flowered perennial, you're a blossoming bouquet
If you survive the day unscathed, let no one ever sneer
We'll only laugh at drunkenness, and bruises to the rear
Never mind, it's all good fun, the drinks the cake the cheer
Don't go out on ignorance, you can do the same next year!
Aug 31, 2025
Aug 31, 2025 at 7:55 PM UTC
I am a concert lover, I do enjoy a gig
Every time the music starts, it's something that I dig
The groups and solo artists, the singers and their rig
Impressive lights and instruments, amped speakers loud and big
A ticket to a live event, well it maybe far away
It doesn't matter if its New York, or the outskirts of Bombay!
There is no better feeling, as the band begins to play
And Just like Lady Gaga, I was born to be this way
Precious ink's I'll have for life, is something that I do
Well let me tell you bluntly, that I love a good tattoo
Pictures of a wolf and webs, or maybe a "Ghost of You"
How many tattoo's do I have? Well let's say one or two!
I may have expensive hobbies, they're worth every hard earned cent
At least I'll have the memories, of the places where I went
The pictures on my body, are for everything that's meant
I don't regret a single pound, of what I might have spent
Life's too short to squander, do whatever makes you smile
Everything that brings me joy, well please turn up that dial
Far and wide I've traveled, I will go that extra mile
I'm really just a good time girl, I'm a Tattooed Melophile
Apr 27, 2025
Apr 27, 2025 at 6:43 AM UTC
One final night I'll spend with you, my loyal faithful friend
I'll lay with you my precious one, until the bitter end
My heart is carved with memories, as the hours tick away
You know I would do anything, to hold you one more day
Your bowl will now stay empty, your ball a lonely toy
I'll miss you my Dear Darwin, my beloved special
Boy
You'll be there when I'm lonely, and in all my shedding tears
I will think of all those happy times, throughout the many years
We don't have long before the dawn, your presence we shall miss
And you won't be forgotten, as we share one final kiss
You've been with me for 14 years, now I'm waiting for the light
Until we're reunited, for at least one final night
Mar 21, 2025
Mar 21, 2025 at 11:31 AM UTC
Before our time slips away, we lose what we hold dear
Little peices of our lives, diminish year by year
Occasionally we may feel joy, with sprinkles of good cheer
You loved us through the ages, but you are no longer here
They say the dead can't hurt you, perhaps that is misplaced pride?
Cos at this current moment, there's a hollow space inside
I'll always feel a deeper pain, just knowing that you've died
You can't replace a missing link, wounds open and untied
I will remember all those times, that you and I have shared
And even if it is not shown, you know I always cared
Love it comes in many forms, worn hearts are easily teared
We cannot escape the emptiness, as none of us are spared
No matter what your destiny, no ego you will bruise
There is a path that we all walk, that nobody can choose
Life's like a melting iceberg, it drips and then we lose
We may all weep as puddles form, on rivers we all cruise
My thoughts will sometimes wonder, to the place where you may lay
And you won't be forgotten, I will think of you each day
If I could only tell you, if I could only find a way
To say that we all love you, before our time slips away
The day that you were taken, I don't mean to sound so callous
But just for once when you arrive, beyond that golden Palace
Saint Peter please lock up the gates, no drinks left in the chalice
You could then come back to us, our dearest Mother Alice
Nov 2, 2024
Nov 2, 2024 at 12:58 PM UTC
What has happened to assassins, why have they gone downhill?
Every target they aim for, they don't seem to fulfill!
Don't hire a bad marksman, don't ever foot the bill
They couldn't hit a pain of glass, stood on a windowsill
There is no rhyme or reason, why their not a slinging ace
Ironically a bleeding ear, improves your stupid face
A splash of red is excellent, with you it's no disgrace
The only thing that bothers me, it's in the wrong **** place!
Poor Donald may have earache, but no one gives a ****
This is a man who talks ******** who has no charm or wit
He should have bit the bullet, cos he is a *** head ***
Or dowse himself in flammables, and jump in a fire pit
What was the motivation, it's not really all that clear?
It should have been between your ***** instead of your fat ear
The reasoning I understand, cos we wish you'd dissappear
A successful hit would work the crowd, and everyone would cheer
Since gunners cannot do the job, they need a real good kick
Why did they miss that shredded wheat, on top of that blonde *****
He must of been in earshot range, it really makes me sick
That he escapes from this ordeal, with only a small nik
Aim for that ****** comb over, with a steady arm and fist
Rheumatism is no good, nor is a broken wrist!
Knuckle down and fire your gun, don't act like you are ******
More practice would be better, to a gunman that has missed?
Take a note from Disney, don't try your useless luck
Classics are the way to go, you should've "Donald Duck"
Fall to your knees and kiss some **** before you pass the buck
You're just a **** I guarantee, that no one wants to ****
You could've spared the bloodshed, but perhaps it was all for show?
It's a pity it weren't Robin Hood, he's a master with a bow
Instead of which you'll hear us chant, "ear we ******* go"
A wicked man will always reap, whatever he may sow
For all we know this blood letting, could be a public stunt?
Cos we all know you're nothing more, than a lying ******* ****
You're unscrupulous and self obsessed, and you pretend to be upfront
A little man with a large head, the size of an elephant!
Bad Assassins are among us, so let's try another plan
If you want to get up close, pretend that you're a fan
Ask him for an autograph, so you can reach your man
Whack that sucker with a conch, and a jagged frying pan
Remember when your president, you're just a Whitehouse lodger
Unfortunately we wasn't spared, the artful coffin dodger
Harassment gains the title of, a ****** Jolly Roger
No one wants advances from, a ***** balding codger
The assassins guild has gone to seed, they've really gone to ***
Why can't they fire a bullet straight, why aren't they a crack shot?
Who trains these individuals, because they seem to miss the lot?
Could it be David Blunkett, or a trigger happy tot?
Mike Tyson wants to bite your ear, because you're nothing but a chump
It's good to talk with old B.T. but Buzby's got the ****
Listen-ear when Arthur says, your a great stupid lump
We have no time or sympathy, for Gumpy Skunk Haired Trump
Jul 23, 2024
Jul 23, 2024 at 12:56 AM UTC
Would you tell me something, please don't keep me in suspense
I don't mean any upset, or make anyone feel tense
Usually I'm not bothered, I'll stay sitting on the fence
But for once, I just thought, I'd offer my two cents
I'm curious if you're aware, we're driven up the wall
Every time that you decide, to slow down to a crawl
Your almost paralytic, and you're never on the ball
We've seen slow moving objects, but you easily beat them all
Perhaps you are not conscious, and you aren't even awake?
Have you run out of petrol, have your pads seized on the brake?
There's nothing left in Staniforths, you've taken too much cake
Don't even get me started, on that stupid noise you make
I thought it was the Bisto Kids, who's come to join the party
The gravy's done, but just hold on, you need to be a smarty
We all know you will be first, because you're arty-farty
Your goal is a supper bowl, that's usually quite hearty
Let me tell you something, and I'll try to be precise
It's just a little peice of mind, a small piece of advice
Never hold your horses, if your sinking through thin ice
You'd only come a cropper, when it's us you sacrifice
You have this annoying habit, of just getting in the way
It's not even on occasion, because it happens every day
Do you have two broken ankles, are your feet stuck in set clay?
What exactly is the problem, what is causing the delay?
I suspect you may have parkinsons, or you're riddled with senility
Or are you attempting feebly, to Insult my sensibility?
Jesus Christ you've come too far, with inactive inability
The result of which is certainly, an impending liability
Why are you pacing back and forth, it's a cross contamination.
The last supper comes to mind, cos there is no explanation
If you scrutinise, I feel betrayed, with your food examination
You're like a giant tortoise, on a lazy stay vacation
We can't get to the cupboards, we can't open any door
The sideboard is a waste of time, your blocking every drawer
Sandwichs are on the move, crumbs fall down on the floor
Place your bread on porcelain, that's what the plates are for
Do I have to grow carbuncles, while I stand about and wait?
We don't need a running commentary, of what's on the buffet plate
It takes the **** at ten o'clock, when you stared out at eight
A Standing Charge should be enforced, set at the highest rate
Six eggs in a basket, what's in the cooking ***
Tomatoes on a flat bread, thats a lovely fresh shallot
Potatoes with warm butter on, we're hoping they stay hot
I think I better call the Doc, and he will say Great Scott
Maybe you can't help yourself, and this is not your fault
But come on now it don't seem fair, when it causes a revolt
Is there any reason, why you're grinding to a halt?
You need a ******* cattle **** or a massive lightning bolt
There doesn't seem much point to this, when everything's so slow?
You seem to be oblivious, and you don't even know
Will you collect two hundred pounds, somehow I don't think so
A Monopoly on standing still, cos you never will pass go
An arcade with all the classics, is where you ort to be
Then you could indulgence yourself, in a forgone guarantee
Mommy quick, I just can’t wait, give me a 50p
I know it will be challenging, to a very high degree
First there will be Pac-man, in a geriatric aider
Power pills will be no good, if your a ghostly masquerader
Donkey Kong will wait to long, for the dithering crusader
But your stuck and you've become, the ultimate Space Invader
Around the world in 80 days, there simply is no chance
***** Fog would just say no, without a second glance
You always appear stationary, and you're usually in a trance
If we started off from Dover, we would never get to France
The balloon would just come crashing down, because the airs gone cold
Rheumatism would set in, as Mr fog turned old
Poor Phileas would lose his hair, his head would just be bald
You'd make him wait, you'd seal his fate, his youth would be annulled
You've mastered the pure artform, of the dawdling Dilly-Dally
Good job your not a ********** in a seedy dark back ally!
I wouldn't dare to enter you. . . in our local summer rally
You'd only stop to analyse, the foliage in the valley
Don't hang around indefinitely, because we're all getting thinner
A hot meal would be nice, instead of a cold dinner
Be courteous to others, and we're onto a sure winner
It isn't very popular, when it's you that is the sinner
I sat here waiting patiently, so what's it all about?
Sunday launch took far too long, oh come on you old trout
You cannot reach a bean or pea, or a single brussel spout
**** this **** I'm off to bed, I'll ****** go without
Why are you so meticulous, cos it causes so much friction
To be frank when your a guest, it's not your jurisdiction
Its utterly ridiculous, but I will stand by my conviction
Please vacate the area, and get out my ******* kitchen
Stop hovering around the hob, and by the feeding trough
Your slower than a garden snail, your like a wingless moth
If I wasn't such a gentle soul, I'd tell you to **** off
Perhaps your part Banana slug, and the slowest Three-Toed Sloth
Oct 13, 2023
Oct 13, 2023 at 5:42 AM UTC
Have you ever had that feeling, when frustration is let loose?
Or an awkward moment, that has really cooked your goose?
You cannot save my Bacon, if my hands are full of juice
My heart sinks when butting heads, are too close to the noose
When your waiting for your breakfast, and you're driven to the brink
Just because there are those minds, that hardly ever think
Do I have to sit and fester, cos my digits ******* stink
I'm being blocked from running taps, and every ****** sink
There wouldn't be a problem, if there were no kitchen clinger
What the hell there is no chance, when certain parties linger
Never mind my sopping palms, or my little pinky finger
The lavvy's always occupied, and the bathroom's a dead ringer
Greasy paws are not ideal, when all taps are obscured
And my plight to being clean, is simply being ignored
Out of three there seems no way, that one sink is secured
Don't mind me it's just my house, but even that is flawed
Why do you have to dawdle, like a sunken ocean liner?
And use the kitchen like it is, a ****** all night diner
Don't mess with me and I promise, I won't become a whiner
There are some chairs and I can't think, of anything that's finer
It's not as though there is no room, and you're stuck on the ceiling
Why are you standing in the way, like you are Dolly Dealing?
I'm sorry but I don't find, my dripping hands appealing
That's when I abruptly realised, that I had that sinking feeling
Oct 7, 2023
Oct 7, 2023 at 2:59 PM UTC
You'll always be my precious one, you know I really cared
I think about the times we had, and all the love we shared
Why does our health diminish, why could you not be spared?
I hope there wasn't any pain, I hope you wasn't scared
You seemed to age quite rapidly, I watched you go downhill
The struggle of the last few weeks, I knew you were quite ill
You fell into eternal sleep, it was such a bitter pill
And I would do most anything, for you to be here still
Why is life so hurtful, why do loved ones have to leave?
Most of the time feelings suppressed, but all the time we grieve
Another peice is torn away, which pain cannot deceive
Lonely feelings cloud my mind, but that's all I can achieve
My precious one I'll miss you, I wish you were still here
Losing you is deeply felt, with all that I hold dear
Since you left, your in my mind, with every single tear
You would lay right by your side, and I would feel you near
You're no longer on the sofa, or waiting by the door
The bowls will leave an empty space, upon the kitchen floor
A wagging tail I will not hear, and chews will be no more
No barking at the passers-by, or shaking of your Paw
Cupboards will be empty, they'll be no treats or bones
No more early morning walks, no turning of life's stones
A disused toy neglected, that a dog no longer owns
Time is hash on those you love, it only lends and loans
All I feel is emptiness, because I knew you would depart
You'll always be remembered, cos you're locked inside my heart
I'll keep you in my memories, so we'll never be apart
What I really want to do, is go back to the start
I know I'm being selfish, but I am far from done
There are more precious moments, and more days left in the sun
Another jumped in window, and more lengths to be run
So I will never be quite whole, without my precious one
Feb 26, 2023
Feb 26, 2023 at 6:38 AM UTC
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, what the **** do we have here?
Your designation is unknown, and it isn't all that clear!
Are you a Homosexual, or some kind of a Queer?
Maybe your a powder puff, who takes it up the rear?
I'm sorry Sam I'm not quite sure, what you are meant to be!
Are you a **** or a Tom cat, or combined he and she?
Things may change, but now you say, you are none binary
Just because there's fake options, which doesn't impress me.
You look like **** but that's okay, it clearly is your goal
And it is good that your outfit, looks like a toilet roll.
Do you stash a little Sam, or is there just a hole?
Or could you be a Nancy Boy, inside a Barbie Doll?
Why don't you wear a ***** you could join the local creche
It's better than that corset, because your pressing too much flesh
The bulging is not flattering, and it really does not mesh
Even Frank 'N Furter had panache, and his sausage is still fresh
The front is just disgusting, you simple have no class
You may think your being diverse, but really your just crass
Does being dull come natural, cos your like unpolished brass
What you say, well no one cares, so blow it out your ****
Your hardly inspirational, and your clothes look like a rag
A Wooly woofer comes to mind, so does a bent gay ***
Perhaps your just a fat guy, who is terrible in drag?
I don't think you are progressive, your more like a ******* lag
For ***** sake Sam it seems your cards, are missing from the deck
But it's said you were conceived, from a creature known as shrek?
Well, well, well if that's your source, then what do we expect
No wonder people look at you, and say "what the ******* heck".
Even ******* have some brains, it isn't all that tricky
But it's entirely possible, that your mother was Queen Vicky
Fairy cakes are the results, from monarch's and green dicky
Your nothing more than just a **** and classed as a Doohicky
You'll never be a legend, and your hardly just a myth
Because your act is wooden, and your singing voice is stiff
I think I've found the answer, so I'll never plead the fifth
Since you are a mixture, your the legion of Sam Smith
Feb 3, 2023
Feb 3, 2023 at 11:57 AM UTC