you were intangible, but yet within my grasp.
a grasp of something warm, a breath of fresh air.
we declared that we're meant to be,
after a life known only despair,
we float away from our responsibilities,
even deathly-held stares.
you took of the first layer,
to which i followed in suit,
you called me your saviour,
onwards, our happiness pursuit
alas, our happiness hit an end,
when our woes caused by dear old friend.
the grasps held dearly, begin to loosen,
the path we taken were given, not chosen.
betrayal soaked deeply through your vein,
your distrust in me, delighted our dear old friend.
it was never true to begin with, if only you know,
i faced the darkest night and shadows, all on my own.
I was captivated by the brightest moon in the darkest of night,
A shine forged from despair, woes and fight.
The only moon that shined so bright.
you were my moon, and i was the night.
- kimin
Sep 16, 2024
Sep 16, 2024 at 7:11 AM UTC
The beauty of loving you,
Worth the pain of letting go.
And if for now, you would let me,
I'll love you as much as I could,
with nothing but thoughts of 'if only.'
- kimin
Dec 5, 2021
Dec 5, 2021 at 7:48 AM UTC
11:11, make a wish.
for me, I wish, for things to stay the same.
but it was too late.
for when I wish for it to stay the same, it had changed.
I feel the distance, even when we're close.
the effort I place to keep it together,
for it to not change,
was nothing but in vain.
sometimes, I feel like it's one-sided.
That it's only me.
do you feel like we've changed?
Or is it all in my head?
i used to know what to say, what to type and how to react.
now I'm not even sure what to do.
do I say what's on my mind? Can I do this? Should I?
I feel restricted. I used to never limit myself when it comes to you.
But I find myself unconsciously doing it several times.
Before it was something that I do all the time.
i can see myself losing you,
Slowly, bit by bit;
and there's nothing I could do to mend it.
you're the one person I didn't want to lose.
the one who went through everything with me,
the one who keeps by me, truly knows me.
the one I run to, on an autopilot.
i trust you with my soul, my bare self.
i trusted for us to stay the same.
to never change.
but I guess i didn't trust us enough,
for I made the wish, when the clock showed 11:11.
i silently yelled, for the wish to come true.
I guess even in silence, someone heard me.
Because knowing a person's wish, before it is granted,
Will never make it come true.
11:11, make a wish.
My wish, is for you to be happy.
Even if it's without me.
So I'll keep the wish to myself,
Hoping it'll come true.
- kimin
Nov 24, 2021
Nov 24, 2021 at 5:33 AM UTC
in just a moment I realised that it wasn't worth it.
i've kept my head high, my shoulder straight.
walked through it with a smile, even when it's fake.
i held it in, hoping, believing and wishing it's all okay.
but I know better. It will never be, I started seeing grey.
there's no point in holding it in.
when all I want to do is to let it out.
i couldn't keep my smile on anymore.
eventually, everyone had figured me out.
i held on dearly, a part of me still think we're meant to be.
oh but who was I fooling? No one else but me.
i cried for the times we spent together.
i cried for the days to get better.
i cried yearning for your warmth.
i cried knowing i have to move forth.
but now I smile.
I smiled knowing our memories are one of a kind.
I smiled knowing I would be fine.
I smiled, because I am made for someone else.
You were just there to complete a chapter.
Not the main character.
In this movie we called life, I know what I must do.
Therefore, I will smile, i will strive, and power through.
- kimin
Nov 14, 2021
Nov 14, 2021 at 7:47 AM UTC
Our vision of love was different. Much that of our views on the phrase 'i love you' was.
It was different because i clung to you every second that i can, i give you all the warmth i can give. I let my heart be visible to you.
I made sure to hug you extra tight on the bad days, hold your hand sligthly longer despite the hot weather.
I search high and low for ingredients of your happy meal.
I draw the curtain down, secure the lock and made sure the temperature is just right.
Because i know with just me cuddling you will let you know i love you.
Your vision of love was different. Oh but it never made my love wavered.
The way you switched hand from holding my right hand, to my left, grumbling about the hot weather.
The little pat on my head, the way you made sure to leave one of your hoodies just so you can replace the one with your faded scents.
You made sure to show me rather than telling me your views of love. Although there are times where I get long texts containing your pent up love. 'You make me really happy, you know that right?'
You don't say it, but you made me feel so loved in ways I never have felt before.
To the point where I get scared of losing you. My last love, my greatest downfall.
- kimin
Nov 7, 2021
Nov 7, 2021 at 1:35 AM UTC
it's hard to see you with someone else.
but i'll toughen up.
my fault I was a coward. I couldn't give you what you needed.
I could only watch you from afar.
Our interaction were nothing less than full of one-sided hatred.
You love to hate me, and I love you.
I pray that in another universe, we could be together.
- kimin
Nov 7, 2021
Nov 7, 2021 at 1:32 AM UTC
I willed myself to close my eyes.
You were there, by my side.
If I was asked what was my favourite sound, I'd answer 'our harmonised laughters' in a heartbeat.
I drowned out others, with my whole attention placed upon you.
I wonder how it is possible for something so beautiful and so kind can bring out the deepest emotions in me.
Then I understood.
Someone so kind, so beautiful and tender can't always evoke the deepest emotions in a person.
It was because it was you.
I understood how I could feel love, caring, and warmth.
You made me feel.
The sincerity in which you exudes liberates how I feel around you.
I was able to free myself from the shackles that held me so tightly - to conform to what I felt was what I should be.
I didn't feel the need to limit myself, to only show the good.
I was a person. I was living when I'm with you.
You held out your hand to me, with the smile I forever etched in my memory.
Taking a step forward, my hand was close to clasp around yours.
The wind blew strongly and a raindrop fell on me.
I opened my eyes and you weren't there.
I was not laughing with you, I was not by your side.
You were laughing, but it wasn't with me.
Your kindness, warmth and love can be felt, but it wasn't directed towards me.
I was fooled in wanting an alternative reality, when knowing my punishments was to live in a reality parallel to yours.
- kimin
Nov 7, 2021
Nov 7, 2021 at 1:31 AM UTC
i've read that falling in love is a beautiful feeling.
like lying down on a made bed after a long day
where you feel all your hours of stress disappearing.
similar to the first sip of coffee in the morning,
the taste of bitterness as a mere substitute for an instant serotonin.
some say it's like taking a breath of fresh air after staying inside for so long,
with wind blowing and the chirping bird on the branch getting along.
a few compared it to a freshly washed laundry,
soft, warm and oh so heavenly.
i pictured it'd feel like the comfort and serenity that rainy day brings,
knowing you can stay in bed, rolling around while staring out the window, or up the ceiling.
he said that love is when you think about them and smile,
finding yourself needing to see them all the time, almost like a child.
my mother said it's in the way you can't control yourself,
because everytime we're around them, we would want to keep them to ourselves.
my father told me that it's like eating your favourite food, especially knowing when it's free.
a neighbour told me that the feeling is so unique,
when getting a kiss on a cheek buckles your knees weak.
i heard that you could conquer everything, and anything.
but they never told me that love can be painful.
like accidentally holding the handle of a boiling ***
temporarily forgetting that not only its body, but the handle could be hot.
or like the heart-wrenching pain that i didn't know one could feel, so much so that it gets hard to breathe.
they said it'll get easy with love, as you will have someone there with you all the time, any time.
but they never told me that it's easier to feel pain, knowing and watching as the one person that always had your back be the one who leaves you behind.
they never told me that forgetting is harder than remembering.
with remembering, you would only recall parts of things.
forgetting? detaching yourself from something that exudes and evokes so many emotions?
how do you forget something that's been engraved so deeply?
they never told me how much effort it requires to get back up, that not even a rainy day can't bring the comfort and serenity that companies it.
they didn't tell me how hard it is to control the tears from coming, again and again and again.
they certainly didn't tell me how hard i had to beg
curled up in my blanket, just to forget.
i figured i have to feel it firsthand,
maybe then I'd understand.
for now, i'll just note it all down,
I'll vicariously learn through someone.
i promise my mother to look out for my heart,
not to give it carelessly to someone who could tear it apart.
before i give it my all, before i deeply fall.
for now, i'll let life takes its own role.
- kimin
Aug 7, 2021
Aug 7, 2021 at 12:37 PM UTC
i started to watch movies you've recommended.
to see what it is that makes you happy.
just so i could understand you better.
throughout it all, my mind places you as the lead.
with me being your counterpart.
i would've find it strange.
me sitting here, netflix turned to different genres i'd usually opt for.
but when i decided to accept you, not just some parts of you, but the whole of you.
i began to see the joy in watching cliche movies.
the crying for sad scenes.
the humour in between the dialogues,
the message behind each sentences.
i understand now.
it's not the movie.
it's the person that invades my thoughts as each scenes unravelled.
- kimin
Apr 7, 2021
Apr 7, 2021 at 2:11 AM UTC
the warm blanket covering me at night made me think of you again.
- kimin
Apr 6, 2021
Apr 6, 2021 at 3:19 PM UTC