The voices are so loud.
They turn my smile into a frown.
The more I want them to be
still and quiet.
They turn into a huge riot.
Telling me my life is a lie,
I keep on telling them to leave me alone
and I quietly say why
I cant ever feel free,
I cant escape.
I feel watched by so many eyes.
They follow me
They feel they are experts
and know everything
They laugh
They taunt
They threaten.
I keep fighting
the battle with them
every day.
I will not be beaten down.
I will keep fighting!
I will keep fighting!
I will keep fighting!
Sep 14, 2025
Sep 14, 2025 at 8:26 AM UTC
I am not always there
But I am only witnessing all
this with my own eyes.
I see when outside
that we have to be in a
respectable lines.
Being told to follow rules
and you will always do fine.
You will survive.
Order is necessary and
well chaos we need to avoid that...
Its an massive problem, the
unstable cog in that clean engine.
Mother time is our enforcer
and sometimes our healer.
The only witness we have in Life.
We don't always live a life that we care for or we dont always live a life we really need any more.
We just survive in any way we can,
occasionally suffering trauma along the way that we have to fight day in day out usually alone... dealing with voices of just having yet another mental disorder, insomnia, isolation and despair.
Nothing ever is really what you say
is really true or fair.
We just to live to survive the day and yes we usually repeat that process again, again and again.
Sep 12, 2025
Sep 12, 2025 at 4:00 PM UTC
My life is a black void.
A shadow that
keeps chasing and kicking me down.
I can't escape.
I am paralysed.
I am wearing a frown.
I am stuck in my one place.
I am frozen in that time and space
I can't feel
anything but absolute pain.
Living this hell every day. My happiness is fading away and going through what feels like death.
I hope there is a white light to guide me the right way.
Jul 26, 2025
Jul 26, 2025 at 12:17 AM UTC
I wish I could be free again to be able to freely roam on my legs without being in absolute agony.
I'm stuck in limbo while I wait for the right help, Im stuck in this cycle of misery, I'm stuck in pain, I'm stuck in shame.
I walk, I scream, I cry, I sing, I clean, I work on my colouring. I love to write poems like this from time to time to be able to give me strength and get me through this fight.
I want to keep on fighting the best I can.
I want to be there for my little girl,
she needs me more than anything.
I try my hardest for her and I do what I can some times she even had to be there for me when things have been really rough.
She knows I'm stuck in this kind of limbo almost like a kind of hell.
She wishes there was some one or some thing out to help break this pain and to help break this dark spell.
Maybe one day the right help will be there once and for all.
Then I can finally break down this massive huge wall blocking out the sunshine and happiness.
Jul 18, 2025
Jul 18, 2025 at 3:20 AM UTC
I keep pushing my self through
the constant misery of pain.
I realise in the last year that my life will never be the same ever again.
The pain never seems to get much better it will never really stop hurting.
I keep trying.
I keep walking a little more
each day.
Moving a few little more steps forward
going in that right direction
I know in the end this will lead to much bigger and better rewards in the end if I never give up and keep on doing this.
No matter the pain, no matter the fear and no matter the tears
I've got keep pushing through
that darknes,
the inner turmoil
that black and white tunnel we call life and push through to the other side to a much brighter and more happier place
and state of mind.
May 17, 2025
May 17, 2025 at 7:08 PM UTC
I feel like im not allowed to express what I really feel inside my head any more.
I feel more like a droid
Numb, sad and very bored.
I don't feel like an human.
Everything in life has to be so confusing,
frightening and it just doesn't feel like how beautiful life should really even feel any more.
Everything that was good in my life has been gradually shutting down over the years.
I always feel like im wearing a frown.
More poorly, paranoid and insecure.
Being fed more ways that you must live your life as said by the experts behind an computer screen.
I wish that was life
more like an beautiful dream.
That one day things will be a lot more fun and brighter again but this will never be for the time being as all we can only accept in life is what we are able
to see and make the most of what
we have got to ever be feeling truely free.
Jan 30, 2025
Jan 30, 2025 at 1:11 PM UTC
Please dont blame blame me for everything that has ever gone wrong in my life.
I am really doing the absolute
best I can for both me and my daughter.
I asked for medical and mental health help.
I have been ignored and rejected so many times before.
Feel there is very little care in this world any more.
I had a random moment in my life where I decided you know what I will give up asking and just let every thing go in its own course.
I decided that I will just have to learn to deal with my mental issues mostly on my own.
It honestly just felt like a crime to even ask for help any more.
All you get is harsh judgments and threats for even thinking of going down the very slippery road.
I just felt like in the end giving up on the idea of asking for any more help and that this must be the best way to go.
Doing this in the end has obviously made my life a lot worse.
When I finally asked for medical help yet again.
I did do the right thing but I was told that I had reacted a little too late.
I got the finger pointed at me yet again.
I was blamed for everything going wrong when you know and every one else knows this and you can all see for your self that I've tried so many times before to ask for help and got no where with having any support.
No action promised to me was ever completed and when I told you things about what was going on in my life some things were not even properly recorded.
I just feel its all broken, empty promises and words to me to make me feel there is still light and there is still hope in the world.
The broken promise that maybe something can be done to fix my problems one day but it will probably wont be happening any time soon and that's all I can truely hope, pray and dream will happen.
These words are empty they seriously don't mean that much to me any more.
They just fly right from my ears to my head and then right back out into the sky.
All I get is there, there things will be okay then I hear the real true words in the empty sky say to me that you will have to wait and hold on tight for another
year before anything can be really be done and that I have to keep sailing and pushing through this tidal wave of life alone.
It has been really frustrating at times waiting for such a long time just to get the right support in place.
All I honestly need in my life is help from the right people who truely do care and want me to get better.
Not keep on hearing the same old broken promises, dreams and words over and over.
Jan 20, 2025
Jan 20, 2025 at 6:38 AM UTC
I miss you my dear friend.
I really wish I could have said
my last good bye.
Before your spirit transcended
into the white empty sky.
I sat at home
I just wished I had visited you and seen you
that last time again before
you flew into the Heaven's.
I regret not being there on the day of your funeral and never being able to truely pay my respects.
I did not want to ruin that day for you.
I do wish I had been more braver to be able to attend on the day and that I was able to say what I really wanted to say about you.
I just always seem to ramble on and get my words wrong.
You did use to find it sweet and a little funny at times when I just seem to get all my words tied up in a knot.
But I do realise that even tnough I will probably never never see you again in life that in death its never really the end.
I will always remember the good times until then will keep myself strong
and remember those good times
and write them as poems and rhymes.
You always be remembered
God bless you my dear friend.
Jan 16, 2025
Jan 16, 2025 at 11:57 AM UTC
I find it uncomfortable when there are the minority of people in the world who are still laughing and staring at me for needing a wheel chair.
The mentality and immaturity of some people in my life just really disappoints and saddens me.
It can some times make me feel like I'm living in an world that has lost a lot of love, purpose and care too.
I still feel the need to hide at home a lot of the time.
I rarely go out in public down to feeling ashamed and embarrassed of being classed as disabled.
There are just far too many hurdles to face with my daily life every day this is made even worse when you have limited mobility.
I often stay out of the way to make life a little easier on every one else.
In the last 9 months I have seen some really good people in my life who have always tried to make me smile.
Gone far and beyond to make my experience in my day more happy and bearable.
I still see some of the bad people in life lurking around who always try to spoil this for me.
I rarely see
many ramps for wheel chair assess in public places and on public transport.
Things are steadily changing for the better.
People with disabilities thoughts and views on life are finally being heard and not completely ignored and and rejected so there might be still hope for equal rights.
Who really knows what will happen in the future so the best idea would be to always be positive and thankful for all the help that you do recieve in your life.
Keep strong and always move forward an few more steps each day.
It's important to always take those steps in your life even if they have only been a.few slow steps at an time.
I often still see a lot of shocked and some times even annoyed faces when going out which does take me by surprise.
I still see and occasionally experience mental abuse but that's life eh? I've got to stay strong and keep plodding along.
Jul 22, 2024
Jul 22, 2024 at 12:35 PM UTC
There has been so many times I have heard people say to me that you are just very lazy, my dear.
This is your own fault, you have done this to your self.
I live with the guilt and shame every day, living with chronic pain
which will never go away.
The negative judgement and comments of other people that I have been quietly hearing in the background before going to sleep at night.
The depressing and stressful memories over the years are constantly streaming through my ears and brain playing every day and every night.
It can be explosive at times as a titanic waterfall.
I can hear the inner critic, the inner fear that creeps around and festers in my brain.
The thing in life which is telling me constantly you will never be able to survive, you never cope with living a good life.
I silence that voice more than ever to this very day.
I tell it that it has no more power over me or no place in my own life.
I tell it to stop saying that I'm not good enough I'm worthy to have an good life just like everyone else even when the critical voice has been by far the loudest for an very long time and is drowning out the voices of every one else around me talking in the same room.
I drown that negative voice out with music, sunshine, art, singing and poetry.
I regularly do my daily physio exercises every day.
I keep fighting the good fight in my own way for both me, my daughter and my partner's own happiness and life too.
I keep trying and doing my best with every thing maybe one day things will be going more my way.
I could feel like I'm winning in life for once but until its my time I must be patient and wait never give up and accept that these are the cards that I have been in fact given and have to deal with in my life.
I need to start using these cards in the game that we all call Life.
Jul 22, 2024
Jul 22, 2024 at 12:31 PM UTC