I heard this voice
Inside my head
Is it okay
If it feels like this
The god complex.
I clinch
Every time a car passes
Yet the on the highest peak
Of the human flesh
I rise
And peak like the skies
As they kiss the mountain peaks
Trying to recite a prayer
My heart has revised many times before
But my lips
Could only take turns
At practicing on the skins of others
How many "hail mary's"
Does it take
To wash away
My sins
His bed knows
More names than "I"
But it knew well enough
To not name a sound
The same way I never do
As he took a hold
Of whatever was left
Of my soul after
A few shots encountered
Raising my voice
As it loses itself beneath my breath
I call it the resurrection
Of before the toxicity
When temptation bit it's lip
And I was so taken
That I still find
It flows just beneath my skin....
And I hurt ...
As though I've never felt
The bleed escape my skin...
As though I've never let
My tears flow and taste
The browns of my cheeks
- Thembekile kilay deh'poet tsaoane
Mar 12, 2018
Mar 12, 2018 at 10:31 PM UTC
in praying positions
I realise how looking back
at our conversations
in the same bed
that auctioned my body
to you,
even though my tears,
in the company
of my four walls
indisputably proved
to be the highest bidder...
but listen carefully
as my maleficent words,
escaping just beneath
my breath,
tap into your soul...
until your lungs
know nothing else
than to breathe
the air of me...
until the insides
of your eyelids
morph themselves
into traces and features
of my face...
maybe then you'll really see
the blessings bestowed
upon you...
and count them
as often as you blink....
They say let he who has no sin cast the first stone
so here I am...
as white as the bedsheets
I've left the old sinful
pieces of my soul in
purely resurrected from
the acts of sin
we executed last night...
young lost king
embodied by nothing more
but a sense
of you needing me
I will name and shame you
within this poem
until the thought of it
hunts down your dreams
until they haunt you
and you can do
nothing more but
pray me into your dreams
just enough for you
to find your way
back into mine
so I can dream you
into my existence
-thembekile kilay deh'poet Tsaoane
Jun 1, 2017
Jun 1, 2017 at 2:34 PM UTC
I looked out of my bedroom window ...
so frozen and frail
begging the stars
for their approval
but it couldn't come
as fast as I could...
and there I realized ..
that the only approval
i was looking for
was yours..
as I tried so hard
to not breathe
at the pace of my heartbeat
effaced in a hopelessly salient yet concealed
enigma in the corners
of your eyes...
but you were a counterfeit
God...
that worshipped my lips
as they worshipped
your being ,
that only seemed
to look down on me
whenever you found yourself down on me...
Jun 1, 2017
Jun 1, 2017 at 2:33 PM UTC
held captive
in a type of non-verbal
communication
where a cold distance
forces itself into
the subtle breaks
between my heartbeats
there, keeps playing
flashbacks of this morning
as If I was trying to find
a God within my bed ...
which seemed to believe
that you were the only thing
I'm good enough for...
as I so desperately
dug into my bedsheets...
which somehow seemed
to convince me just enough
that I was perfect enough
to hold...
Jun 1, 2017
Jun 1, 2017 at 2:33 PM UTC
youth fountain
it's unfortunate
we couldn't make it to the bed
the way that we're used to
no mattress...
to reveal my soul....
only an old quilted blanket
lay where the bed
should have been...
floor,
I never knew
that I could sink into it
if I arched my back
just a little bit more...
more...
the feel I want from it
"I swear
we only touched tips"
tips....
how you jarred my soul
in just the taste
of one kiss
upon your lips...
lips,
these lips used to baby sit
generations I could only
destroy by not releasing them
through my skin....
skin,
I wonder
how it would have felt
as a combination of us
-thembekile kilay deh'poet Tsaoane
Jun 1, 2017
Jun 1, 2017 at 2:32 PM UTC
bottle cap
corkscrew
touch
turn
twist
you....
at the tip
of my opening
after just one bottle
my undefined self
became a soul
within your eyes...
ashtray,
done and dusted
as I lay legs open and lament
in the centre of my bed
holding onto what
I can now look back
as what I'll convince myself
is memories...
light switch,
how the voices in my head
seem to think
that you only exist
whenever the lights go off
doorknob,
keyhole,
lost souls,
were the keys to my room,
to my heart?
-thembekile kilay deh'poet Tsaoane
Jun 1, 2017
Jun 1, 2017 at 2:31 PM UTC
I've tried hard
to look back
at our time together
we never really
had time together
we had *** together
I was a good pleaser
never known
for really being a believer
in anything
but myself...
and you...
you fell victim
to what you thought
was praise and worship
whenever
I was on my knees
I hate to be the one
to tell you this
but making you think
that we both
fell in love simultaneously
was the greatest joke
that I could come up with
and yes...
you will...
you will resent me
like I resent
the holes and bumps
on my thighs and stomach
that were the evidence
of a product
I can only now
hide with secrets
and step father's
and yes...
I've said this before
I've tried hard
to look back
at our time together
we never really
had time together
we had *** together
-thembekile Kilay deh'poet Tsaoane
Feb 1, 2017
Feb 1, 2017 at 3:09 PM UTC
I have always wondered
what it would
feel like.....
to enjoy the idea
of aging alongside you...
as we watched our dreams
learn to walk by themselves
as we question
if whether or not
patience would recognize
Its very beginning
in our souls ..
just enough
to give it a taste
of our world....
look...
I'll hold onto
your memories
as if they were
the smoke
from the cigarette
I have just inhaled
as if it weren't
somehow slowly
trying to **** me
on the inside ..
I'll watch the sky
and lose myself
in the shallow winds
as smoothly as it
brushes against my cheeks
almost as if
they were trying
to take a peak
into my solitude
it feels pleasant sometimes
like sort of
getting to hear yourself think
and I've been thinking...
I want a love
that goes beyond
******* in the front yard .
my heart
doesn't have
an on and off switch ....
do you know. ?
what have you been feeling
looking back
on all of this?
I'm not sure
if you were mine
for the pain or the insanity
knowing I was
a hopeless romantic
who couldn't wait
to fall in love
as if I was a young girl
playing in the mud puddles
and lords knows
how much
I had a thing for rain
I always seemed
to fall like it
broken and hopeless . .
willing to fall for anyone
Or anything
that stood in the open
long enough to catch it...
that was you...
and I...
in love...
once upon a time
-Thembekile Kilay Deh'Poet Tsaoane
Jan 31, 2017
Jan 31, 2017 at 7:11 AM UTC
it's amazing right
that one poem
can be about
a thousand people
yet only one person
will eventually
understand it....
they say imaginary friends
tell us about ourselves
and our dreams
before we knew the world ....
so imagine..
that I was your friend
and this was a movie...
and somewhere
in between buildings
sand castles
and building forts
in the tree house
you found...
a portion of yourself
hidden deep within
my Iris....
and all you wanted
was to run in my mind
while I was running
next to..
from you...
tag.. you're it..
then you run
and I chase after you...
until we find ourselves
walking down the isle...
-thembekile Kilay deh'poet Tsaoane
Jan 24, 2017
Jan 24, 2017 at 4:43 AM UTC
shoot to the moon
but be gentle
with it
why is it...
that I was constantly
counting on the stars
and you..
you spent most
of your time praying
when every inch
of your body
was so majestically ...
creative
that you were
reigning my thoughts
at some point
the storm was unbearable
I..
I hate when
my heartbeat
turns into tears
and my body
can't help but
to pool the very essence
of your memories
to flow right beneath
my skin...
I pray
for the day
when my lips
can express the words
I love you
and my heart doesn't
have to mean it
the day when
you're no longer
an extension of myself
when finally I find
that I am brave enough
to purge myself
of your memories
-Thembekile Kilay deh'poet Tsaoane
Jan 24, 2017
Jan 24, 2017 at 3:52 AM UTC