keskco - Hello Poetry

we used to jump over fences until one of us inevitably got hurt it was always me i’ve always been good at losing my footing my main talent has always been forgetting you used to punch my arm and we would hide in the storm cellar we spent summers building roofs and digging up more space now it’s a forgotten monument in a backyard with no fence a staple of my childhood i haven’t been inside of since elementary school. i didn’t swing the hammer when i should have you yelled at me with more vigor than i liked your behavior has always been innate you shoved more than you pushed but i guess i compartmentalized until it made sense. i forgot until i couldn’t.

0

Mar 23, 2017

Mar 23, 2017 at 3:36 PM UTC

nostalgia

we used to jump over fences until one of us inevitably got hurt it was always me i’ve always been good at losing my footing my main talent has always been forgetting you used to punch my arm and we would hide in the storm cellar we spent summers building roofs and digging up more space now it’s a forgotten monument in a backyard with no fence a staple of my childhood i haven’t been inside of since elementary school. i didn’t swing the hammer when i should have you yelled at me with more vigor than i liked your behavior has always been innate you shoved more than you pushed but i guess i compartmentalized until it made sense. i forgot until i couldn’t.

19

i was in love more times than i can count before i met you in the heat of summer in the wrong coffee shop on the wrong street but maybe i was never in love before you every girl who’s hands have mingled with mine have always felt forced and clammy and fleeting and bounding it was anxiety hugging my body tighter than any of them ever could and a cloud of desperation separating them from me love was always about power or who could lust the hardest i always won. i always left first. you’ve showed me that isn’t love at all but i beg the questions what is love who am i to say who are you to give it to me who are we to create feelings only we can feel we are artists making notes of reactions while we show each other a world we never knew existed the things that have always happened in our peripheral vision but never felt important to notice this is what i want to feel freedom. freedom. freedom.

0

Mar 23, 2017

Mar 23, 2017 at 3:34 PM UTC

young love

i was in love more times than i can count before i met you in the heat of summer in the wrong coffee shop on the wrong street but maybe i was never in love before you every girl who’s hands have mingled with mine have always felt forced and clammy and fleeting and bounding it was anxiety hugging my body tighter than any of them ever could and a cloud of desperation separating them from me love was always about power or who could lust the hardest i always won. i always left first. you’ve showed me that isn’t love at all but i beg the questions what is love who am i to say who are you to give it to me who are we to create feelings only we can feel we are artists making notes of reactions while we show each other a world we never knew existed the things that have always happened in our peripheral vision but never felt important to notice this is what i want to feel freedom. freedom. freedom.

33

just follow the blue line it’ll take you to the in-betweens of all your decisions before you can ever make them one step leads to another to another to another until you find a place you want to stop rest your head at a travelers inn a ***** motel off the highway you can hear the bugs crawling in the walls so you light up a cigarette in bed buy a six pack of beer you don’t like from the local gas station the guy doesn’t card you he just wants to know where you’re from don’t tell him you ran away here to a small town in another state to stay in an old ***** hotel because you got your heart broken by some girl these are details that don’t matter you laugh it off and say you’re passing through well i hope you pass through again soon i’d like to hear your voice again with a brief head nod you are out the door thinking about your hotel room and chain smoking and never going home again

0

Dec 13, 2016

Dec 13, 2016 at 9:19 AM UTC

somewhere in colorado

just follow the blue line it’ll take you to the in-betweens of all your decisions before you can ever make them one step leads to another to another to another until you find a place you want to stop rest your head at a travelers inn a ***** motel off the highway you can hear the bugs crawling in the walls so you light up a cigarette in bed buy a six pack of beer you don’t like from the local gas station the guy doesn’t card you he just wants to know where you’re from don’t tell him you ran away here to a small town in another state to stay in an old ***** hotel because you got your heart broken by some girl these are details that don’t matter you laugh it off and say you’re passing through well i hope you pass through again soon i’d like to hear your voice again with a brief head nod you are out the door thinking about your hotel room and chain smoking and never going home again

28

the lines on the highway are the closest thing i have to home there are miles between the people who held my heart with gentle hands and the people who snarled their teeth to tear it apart. i think of my grandmother's tears falling from her face to my arm and my grandfather's last exhale of hope telling me that i have to be good *we are family mija we are together to be good* i imagine blade penetrating skin to be covered in the blood when it exits i imagine his beer falling from his hand half empty half full soaking into the ground all over the fence jump the fence. jump the fence. can you jump the fence? the sun removed his alcohol saturated blood from the ground my grandfather called holy sometimes we stand at the window he signs a breath of remorse a breath of regret a breath that says everything this is not my home. where my heart was torn apart by snarled teeth. there are only lines on the highway.

0

Oct 6, 2016

Oct 6, 2016 at 12:38 PM UTC

home

the lines on the highway are the closest thing i have to home there are miles between the people who held my heart with gentle hands and the people who snarled their teeth to tear it apart. i think of my grandmother's tears falling from her face to my arm and my grandfather's last exhale of hope telling me that i have to be good *we are family mija we are together to be good* i imagine blade penetrating skin to be covered in the blood when it exits i imagine his beer falling from his hand half empty half full soaking into the ground all over the fence jump the fence. jump the fence. can you jump the fence? the sun removed his alcohol saturated blood from the ground my grandfather called holy sometimes we stand at the window he signs a breath of remorse a breath of regret a breath that says everything this is not my home. where my heart was torn apart by snarled teeth. there are only lines on the highway.

31

part i. this was the first. i ached for you to grow a backbone as strong as the one you always pretended to have. you crushed the positivity and optimism i falsely provided in hopes you would find it comfortable. it was never comfortable. your mother peaked over you shoulder to ensure you left me. you made me stop smoking but i never really did. it felt like a dream beneath parking lot lights as the smoke filled my lungs. *at least now i’m free. does this mean i can **** other people?* part ii. it was the summertime your breath was as hot as the pavement i willingly put my barefeet on to meet you by the curb you were at the beach sober i was in my bed drunk. you talked about faith and constant comparison of who you are and who you were nothing was good enough for you. i had no intentions of hurting you letting you cry into the sand next to a person who didn’t even know my name but intentions aren’t always executed i ripped your love from my chest and tossed it to the side. part iii. it only took three months. if i had to prioritize the losses of that winter you are not ranked number one not even number two. i did not cry for you it made me sick you made me sick. i clang to a bottle of whiskey sulking in regret but not for you it was never for you. i thought about your father the way he exuded disappointment the first time we met. it was almost a game to me. i thought about your mother i imagine she cried and cried and cried reminding you of who you were to anchor you to the picturesque daughter she had always dreamed of. i thought about your brother he was a joke to me. the stature of a man with the demeanor of a child. we were never going to last forever not even in my best dreams. part iv. this one was the worst. it hurt the most. i don’t think you cared. why are you here your main talent was making me feel unloved unimportant unwanted i don’t know why i stuck around this one hurt the most. forced conversation reminded me we don’t have enough in common and you’re not that interesting. i knew everything about you while you didn’t know me how was i the person you loved when you didn’t know me *why do you even want to stay just go home.* part v. this was the end. finally. i wanted to call you a liar and tell you i never really trusted you but i held it in i don’t think i was in love with you not anymore not the way i used to be not the way i wanted to be not the way i pretended to be. you always should have known i wouldn’t be the person you could live the rest of you life with you never stay with your first. i knew that in the beginning. maybe we’ll get back together in the future or maybe i’ll never hear from you again.

0

Sep 29, 2016

Sep 29, 2016 at 9:33 AM UTC

the break up

part i. this was the first. i ached for you to grow a backbone as strong as the one you always pretended to have. you crushed the positivity and optimism i falsely provided in hopes you would find it comfortable. it was never comfortable. your mother peaked over you shoulder to ensure you left me. you made me stop smoking but i never really did. it felt like a dream beneath parking lot lights as the smoke filled my lungs. *at least now i’m free. does this mean i can **** other people?* part ii. it was the summertime your breath was as hot as the pavement i willingly put my barefeet on to meet you by the curb you were at the beach sober i was in my bed drunk. you talked about faith and constant comparison of who you are and who you were nothing was good enough for you. i had no intentions of hurting you letting you cry into the sand next to a person who didn’t even know my name but intentions aren’t always executed i ripped your love from my chest and tossed it to the side. part iii. it only took three months. if i had to prioritize the losses of that winter you are not ranked number one not even number two. i did not cry for you it made me sick you made me sick. i clang to a bottle of whiskey sulking in regret but not for you it was never for you. i thought about your father the way he exuded disappointment the first time we met. it was almost a game to me. i thought about your mother i imagine she cried and cried and cried reminding you of who you were to anchor you to the picturesque daughter she had always dreamed of. i thought about your brother he was a joke to me. the stature of a man with the demeanor of a child. we were never going to last forever not even in my best dreams. part iv. this one was the worst. it hurt the most. i don’t think you cared. why are you here your main talent was making me feel unloved unimportant unwanted i don’t know why i stuck around this one hurt the most. forced conversation reminded me we don’t have enough in common and you’re not that interesting. i knew everything about you while you didn’t know me how was i the person you loved when you didn’t know me *why do you even want to stay just go home.* part v. this was the end. finally. i wanted to call you a liar and tell you i never really trusted you but i held it in i don’t think i was in love with you not anymore not the way i used to be not the way i wanted to be not the way i pretended to be. you always should have known i wouldn’t be the person you could live the rest of you life with you never stay with your first. i knew that in the beginning. maybe we’ll get back together in the future or maybe i’ll never hear from you again.

101

i keep the words i want to say hidden between my teeth and tongue one day they will come out. one day my heart will stop hurting.

0

Jul 25, 2016

Jul 25, 2016 at 10:13 PM UTC

secrets

i keep the words i want to say hidden between my teeth and tongue one day they will come out. one day my heart will stop hurting.

4

sometimes i think about you laying in your bed drinking beer talking about nothing important i hear songs that remind me of lazy winter afternoons we kept promising to quit smoking i’m too full of pride to admit that i miss you but lately sometimes has become all the time

0

May 2, 2016

May 2, 2016 at 9:03 PM UTC

full circle

sometimes i think about you laying in your bed drinking beer talking about nothing important i hear songs that remind me of lazy winter afternoons we kept promising to quit smoking i’m too full of pride to admit that i miss you but lately sometimes has become all the time

12

you broke my heart into so many pieces i’m still picking it up it feels like shards of glass threatening to puncture my lungs or break apart my rib cage part of me wants to beg for you to come back to me so we can figure this out another part of me wonders if i did get you back would we even be in love anymore

0

Mar 27, 2016

Mar 27, 2016 at 5:57 PM UTC

weighted options

you broke my heart into so many pieces i’m still picking it up it feels like shards of glass threatening to puncture my lungs or break apart my rib cage part of me wants to beg for you to come back to me so we can figure this out another part of me wonders if i did get you back would we even be in love anymore

12

whose door do i knock on when i’m bleeding from my chest do i call your phone or do i lie down instead you’re the first person i think about when someone says the word home love forever who am i to become if i’m not becoming with you does a path exist for me that’s not intertwined with yours can i still knock on your door when i’m bleeding from my chest can i still call your phone or will you hit ignore instead

0

Mar 23, 2016

Mar 23, 2016 at 12:13 AM UTC

answers

whose door do i knock on when i’m bleeding from my chest do i call your phone or do i lie down instead you’re the first person i think about when someone says the word home love forever who am i to become if i’m not becoming with you does a path exist for me that’s not intertwined with yours can i still knock on your door when i’m bleeding from my chest can i still call your phone or will you hit ignore instead

16

i’ll fall against you like small drops of rain tapping against your window my hands are cold but they are gentle and soft when they meet your skin let me tap your skin and soak your clothes.

0

Jan 23, 2016

Jan 23, 2016 at 10:22 PM UTC

rain hands

i’ll fall against you like small drops of rain tapping against your window my hands are cold but they are gentle and soft when they meet your skin let me tap your skin and soak your clothes.

8