I can't seem to focus with you here.
Even in the silence my mind is still chattering endlessly.
Your lips kiss your coffee cup and I know that I have no hope.
You have already won me.
Nov 3, 2014
Nov 3, 2014 at 11:15 AM UTC
Nights like these are when I look forward to knowing you the most.
When I'm laying in bed, chasing sleep, and losing.
When I'm tossing and turning because I'm anxious.
When my hair is falling messily out of my already messy bun.
When I'm coughing because I refused to drink that disgusting cold medicine again.
When I'm thinking too much.
When I'mm praying with everything that I am.
When I'm on my phone to pass the time.
And my mind is racing and my heart is beating and I'm finally exhausting myself into a slumber.
And then I roll over into your arms and collapse into your warmth and your comfort and just for a second I listen to your rhythmic breathing singing me a lullaby as I drift off to sleep with a smile on my face.
Nights like these are when I look forward to knowing you the most.
Nov 3, 2014
Nov 3, 2014 at 11:12 AM UTC
I don't hate you anymore.
You know, truthfully... I thought I always would.
Because you took something from someone that they weren't offering
and now they can never get it back.
One day a mommy and a daddy are going to have to explain to a little girl that not all big brothers are "good" and sometimes they have to go away so they won't hurt anyone anymore.
One day that little girl is going to grow up and she'll want to go on dates but maybe she'll be scared of men because a little boy pathetically pretending to be a man was worse than the monsters under her bed could have ever been.
I don't know what life is going to be like for her. I only know that these feelings inside never wreck you like I want them to but instead they keep tearing me apart and making me afraid of men as if I was the victim of your crimes. I can't live like this and as shocking as it is, and as long as it has taken, I actually have hope for you.
Maybe one day you'll feel this thing called "remorse."
Maybe one day you'll turn yourself around.
Maybe one day you'll recognize the truth.
Maybe one day you'll receive this thing called "grace."
I really just don't know. But until then...
I don't hate you anymore.
Jun 23, 2014
Jun 23, 2014 at 2:08 AM UTC
Darkness is terrifying...
until I realize that He who turned off the lights also lit the stars.
Every time I see them shine I marvel at their beauty.
But then the sun rises.
I forget my need for light.
So He flips the switch again and the darkness comes back.
I can't see anything
I become lost and desperate.
But it's in that moment that I remember where to find the beautiful glow of a million hand- lit stars.
Jun 23, 2014
Jun 23, 2014 at 1:37 AM UTC
The words leapt off the page and wrapped themselves around her like a blanket warming her soul, caressing her most fragile thoughts, and comforting her fears.
They took hold of her shriveled heart and made it feel beautiful, hopeful, and alive.
Her heart leapt from her chest as the words had leapt from the page
and all of a sudden the words asked her heart to dance
and her heart quietly agreed.
Jun 23, 2014
Jun 23, 2014 at 1:25 AM UTC