kelly-landisWhisper

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curvy“You’re overweight,” he says, tapping his finger against his chart of heights and measurements, thighs too big and fingers too plump. I already know. I nod, and continue nodding, listening to the word echo and then fall onto the ground, bouncing and bounding, restrictions that have surrounded my whole life, my whole curvy figure. If I could be like the girls with the flesh wrapped tight and the bones loose and caving in on one another, I would grab the chance before it had a chance to flutter away from my desperately aching hands. When I look in the mirror, I try to remind myself that flaws are flaws and yet they were made to be beautiful, but I see what I see and what I see makes me want to ***** makes me want to close my eyes, makes me want to pull and tug and rip until there is nothing left but a pile of rotting decay. I am stuck, I am back on the playground in sixth grade where the boys would taunt and laugh, point and gasp, as I tried to pretend I looked like everyone else, every other small, petite little girl who didn’t have to worry about these types of things. My clothes don’t fit, I’ve gone through seven pairs of jeans in the last month alone, I look back at the pictures when I thought I was fat, but I wasn’t, I was fine then, why did I think that? I lay in bed beside the man I’m supposed to be with, fully clothed and pushing his hands away from my hips, away from my lips, don’t touch me then if you can’t handle all that I have to give. I’m not her, and she never wished to be me.

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7.2k

too lateYou think it won't happen, but it does / The sinking feeling, the gutless entry and / You are left to fend for promises that you never

17

2.2k

empty handedi'm tired, / i'm tired and i'm fed up, / i'm tired and i'm fed up and

26

1.8k

third & walnuti. / when she asked how we met, / we glanced sideways at one another,

43

1.7k

i'll be okay, is that what you want me to say?I dreamt about you last night, and it hurts / When I look back and ask myself, / Why I ever took your graciousness for granted

25

1.5k

On loving someone too muchI laid beside you again, / An act that I realize now / Has become sacred, cherished

24

1.4k

survival of the fittestit's a wonder we are still surviving, / writing and re-living: / past memories and guilt,

6

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raveI remember those basements stairs, / the smell of cigarette smoke, / and the clicking of beer cans

24

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and this is only the beginning...When I first met you, / I already had begun to make / excuses for you.

19

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daddydad, i stumble over the words / just as i did as a child, / and you took me in your arms

60

1.2k

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