Overwhelm to the point of numbness, I falter, left half present in public. Waiting to crumble in the peace of 'home'. And if home, real home, is where the heart is then I wouldn't know where to look. Left in London maybe, or held back up North. I'm stuck between two poles, waiting again to crumble, crumble and fold.
Sep 29, 2024
Sep 29, 2024 at 11:59 AM UTC
Breathing is hard when phantom hands weave weight within your chest, pulling you down to depths so low you'll never feel at rest. Your eyes may shut and thoughts may drift but one fact remains the same, you've never lived a day post-youth that hasn't brought you shame. You try and try to run away, break the cycle, save the day. Working hard to eat away at all the debt you must re-pay. But in the end you cannot mend the damage in your head, a broken record reminding you you'd still be better off dead.
Sep 27, 2024
Sep 27, 2024 at 2:46 PM UTC
I don't know how to describe this sensation,
it's kinda like being a small fish in a big pond
or some other overused cliché.
When I walk in the world I see the buildings, the trees,
the people... and I just sorta think,
"wow. I'm so small."
And I'm right, I am small...
I'm small right now and I'm scared.
Despite being small though, I'm gonna stand.
Stand tall on my tippy toes.
And pretend I actually matter.
Nov 3, 2020
Nov 3, 2020 at 2:47 PM UTC
I feel a chill in my spine that clings to my skin, embracing me from behind and whispering into my ear. "It's all pointless, really". The soft mumbles that echo in my head make me wonder what would happen.
What would happen if I stepped in front of the oncoming car?
What would happen if I no longer exhausted myself day in and day out for nothing more than a B+?
What would happen if I could go back to being a blank nothing?
As I am writing this, tender tears are falling gently down my swollen face, cupping my cheeks and embracing me with such close contact.
It's such a cold warmth that surrounds me.
Sep 21, 2020
Sep 21, 2020 at 4:20 PM UTC
I started writing this poem in 2019,
I never published it though. Obviously.
I want to know what went wrong along the way
and why my friends couldn't stay
and why I have to pay
for a ****** today.
Jun 13, 2020
Jun 13, 2020 at 6:43 PM UTC
I'm not sure why I am even trying anymore.
I'm not sure if I was ever trying at all.
But if I was never trying... why has it been
so ******* hard.
Jun 13, 2020
Jun 13, 2020 at 6:39 PM UTC
Crack. Thwack. Crumble.
Each speck of dust just drops
and drops and drops.
Floating above the craters that were
cracked, thwacked, and crumbled
deep into the Earth. My Earth.
Our Earth. What Earth?
What's left?
May 6, 2020
May 6, 2020 at 2:46 PM UTC
Its spring now,
The bright rays of sun
Break through clusters of
Heavy, grey clouds.
No longer will the overcast
Sky threaten to blow me away.
From here I float, enjoying the
Muffled bird songs from under
Thick sheets of unbreaking ice
Where I will drown in silence.
Mar 10, 2020
Mar 10, 2020 at 4:41 PM UTC
I don't like making drafts,
each line is almost composed
on a whim. A feeling. A passion.
Something that has been swelling
within me for some time, a liberating
release of emotion that can not and
shall not be stopped, filling my lungs
and drowning me with a tenacity that
will never escape my parched lips.
Jan 9, 2020
Jan 9, 2020 at 3:47 PM UTC
Self-sabotage comes naturally to
me, I know not to plunge myself
into the deep dark abyss before
me but alas I just can't help myself
from jumping headfirst and screaming.
Jan 9, 2020
Jan 9, 2020 at 3:35 PM UTC