fake smiles
lies without hesitation
i believed
you believed i wouldn't
why?
Jul 19, 2013
Jul 19, 2013 at 12:45 PM UTC
best friend of my dear unrequited love
he who was there in the darkest days of back then
who slowly took my heart by storm with his whirlwind words
he holds me
he hugs me
he kisses me
and yet we cannot seem to figure ourselves out
what we have between us is unique
yet now he does not seem to register that I kiss back, too.
but he cares
and he worries
and he smiles
and he breathes
and that is quite enough for me.
Aug 26, 2012
Aug 26, 2012 at 9:34 PM UTC
You were such a treat to hear from
The opinions you gave made me realize my mistakes.
I'd give you feedback, reveling in the fact that, yes,
I WAS AN IDIOT.
But your answers soon drifted away
They became less and less frequent
Until one day, I found that our correspondence was gone.
Removed.
Deleted.
I feel like I went back hundreds of spaces on the game board of life that day.
What will it take to show you that it meant something to me?
Jan 22, 2012
Jan 22, 2012 at 1:26 PM UTC
To her, you are like an angel in her hell.
A goddess she only knows with words and videos.
A chipped smile she bears, fixed
She feels for you
Imitates your emotions on her keyboard
Laughs when you do
Frowns the same as you
Just because it makes her feel closer.
Miles and miles separate you but
You are close enough to touch.
She dreams about your movements.
Hopes for your words of acceptance.
You are the moon that brightens her dark nights
The sun that she depends on for life.
Your eyes keep her heart beating.
You are the wind beneath her wings,
The drug she uses to keep moving on.
Your smiles set her soul on fire with exuberance
Your lips make her hunger for more.
Each breath she takes sends you more love.
You are her everything, and nothing can break that.
Dec 18, 2011
Dec 18, 2011 at 3:08 PM UTC
Sneaking glances from the other side of the hallway
I smile desiringly to myself.
All I really want is to call you mine.
To hold your lithe body against my own.
To press my lips to yours.
To grab your hand and never let go.
Your eyes are as deep as the Marianas Trench
And as warm as a fire in the middle of winter.
I feel like you wear a cloak of depression and silence
But I know that deep within your veiled form
There is a bright sun wanting only to shine through
It does get its way sometimes
When a truly happy smile works its way to your face.
I know where you're coming from
We're alike in so many ways....
If only the space between us was gone.
Sep 3, 2011
Sep 3, 2011 at 9:24 PM UTC
855 miles between you and me.
But yet I feel your pain as if we were hand in hand.
I've given you the strength to keep on living
And you've given me the love I lack.
Baby girl, I worry about you.
Your tears are the rain outside my window
And your blood runs in my veins.
The emotions bottled up in your scarred body
Explode in my own heart as well.
Four more years, my lovely friend.
I expect to meet you there.
Please don't give up.
Sep 3, 2011
Sep 3, 2011 at 8:21 PM UTC
Sometimes I think that you four are my only hope
The only reason why I have not grown wings and a halo.
The beauty that sounds from your fingers and lips
Wraps itself around me, giving me protection I otherwise do not know.
Your words float into my heart and hold it in a gentle but strong embrace
Your music flows in my veins; it is my lifesource.
I've never gotten the chance to really thank you
For all the love and guidance you bestow me with.
But everyday I thank my lucky stars I found you.
You give me the will to go on
The power to not let anyone take me alive.
Whenever I cannot stand anything anymore
All I have to do is remind myself
That you will be with me.
And I am cured.
Sep 3, 2011
Sep 3, 2011 at 8:13 PM UTC
Dreams unobtained swirl through my cluttered mind
As I survey the souls surrounding me.
I see so much love and hurt and emotions too strong for names.
Some of which I want to be part of.
Right now, I have no idea how to manuver my way through this hallway of life
Do I stand up and tell?
Or do I hide behind my lies and stretched truths?
I don't know anything anymore
Because you say normal people don't do what it is I do.
Why I am trapped in this glass jar of confusion?
I guess I don't have the confidence to break through.
Sep 3, 2011
Sep 3, 2011 at 11:15 AM UTC
Tell me what's wrong
Tell me why you give me these nervous glances in the hallways
Cross your arms and look away.
Are you worried?
Unsure of how to talk to me?
Well, my skinny jeans and sweater classmate
I am happy to chat.
I am apt to say hello to you.....
But I guess I'm worried too.
Do you have hard feelings because of the Venus flytrap I pulled us into
The scary thread I wove with the needle labelled SUICIDE?
Do not worry, for that tapestry has long been torn in half.
I'd just like to be friendly.
Aug 25, 2011
Aug 25, 2011 at 4:43 PM UTC
Meeting someone who finally cared
Made my heart beam little rays of sunshine through my nerves.
I wanted to be the person you admired as well.
I was at a point in my life
Everything was changing.
I was transitioning from one end of the spectrum to the other.
Yet being the ditz I can be,
I let my fingers type out the words
"I was contemplating suicide."
Thinking only that'd you'd think someone who was in such a "dark" place
Could be a friend.
I now consider myself a monstrous idiot for not stopping my ravenous little digits
And thinking.
What would this cause me?
It caused me a long afternoon in a counselor's busy office
A long night in the hospital meant for those who actually were hurting
And an even longer day at school afterwards.
It caused me to worry everyone
When it was only my selfish little desires of being "that" girl.
The one who's been through so much, who's so cool because she's survived the pain
The one who is nevertheless on the edge.
When I wasn't.
I want to give you my complete, utter, sincere apology
For making your heart beat faster for the wrong reason.
For making your mind shake with worry.
It's about time they invented the time machine, don't you think?
Apr 21, 2011
Apr 21, 2011 at 7:11 PM UTC