kasey-park
"I am myself. I feel myself / These are two distinct things, Our false philosophy is incorporated in our whole language; we can not reason without, so to speak, reasoning wrongly. We overlook the fact that speaking, no matter what, is itself a philosophy" / -George Christoph Lichtenburg
In a keen student’s school bag
Suffocated in the bottom of textbooks and folders
A pen died
A moment of silence for this pen
Who was able to make it thus far
Unlike his friends who was dropped
Down the subway tracks
No one mourned when this pen died though
Only the pen knew
Of its arduous and hard-lived life
Filled with scribbles and ink blotches
Sep 12, 2017
Sep 12, 2017 at 9:47 PM UTC
Blessed*
Beyond words
Both in life
But also ironically in
Death
Happy*
Because she was there
By my house
Blindly smiling
Beautiful
Sad*
Bright in their eyes
Black in heart
Biting Bickering
Bugs
Blythe*
Beyond words
Barely in distress
Boldly chasing away blackness
You
And
me
always
Apr 9, 2017
Apr 9, 2017 at 4:10 PM UTC
She looks in the mirror fidgeting picking
Distraught, destroyed, disgusted
Her stomach curves out a bit and her arms a bit clumpy
Wishing, wanting, wailing
She looks perfectly fine but not in her eyes
To her she’s a sack of calories
Body fat sticks to her more than her mother’s positive words
Her reflection looks like a painting thrown out of a gallery
A part of her is done, fed up, and over with it all
“The media doesn’t affect me cuz I’m better than that”
But stretch marks crawls down the back of her thighs
And leaves her uttering the words “I’m fat”
At this point she says it to please her friends
They all say it actually; it’s normal conversation
But at night she knows they all go look in the mirror
And stare in horror with fear, and agitation
~~~~~
A few days’ go by as she sticks to
Her brand-new diet routine
Apples for the morning and Chicken in the night
But results aren’t as fast as she seems
She trembles at the sight of her
Cannot come out of her complete disgust
Of the way she is; why was she born like this?
Is it possible for a body to suddenly combust?
Her friends don’t say much or notice at all
Which is ok she guesses since they don’t need to care
But just sometimes, she wonders if they can see
The way her ribcage struggles to take in air
A few weeks go by as she stands in the mirror
Once again as she always did
Dropped two pant sizes, now size 8
Healthy looking but not that fit
Or at least not fit enough for her
So she continues to tighten the measuring tape
Stomach tightens and tears squeeze out
FAT FAT FAT is all she can contemplate
At this point she can’t see her body
She sees an ugly, disgusting garbage dump
Slim red lines scatter her thighs and arms
Hair is turning thin and comes out in clumps
Only after a few months do her parents see
How thin their precious daughter is becoming to be
But they become so happy and compliment her
For dieting well and looking so pretty
“My dear, you’re looking good!” they say
“You’re looking better than ever!” They all sigh
“How are you losing this much weight so quickly?”
She just smiles at them and lies
“I’m fine honestly and I never felt greater!
It feels so good to drop this much weight
I should have done this a lot sooner, I know,
But at least it’s never too late”
The skin around her flat stomach; its all fat
Her arm bulge and legs do too; she thinks it’s all so bad
Why can she just be skinny? Why is it so hard
If only she were thinner, she wouldn’t be so sad
Tears stroll down her cheeks, head feels like fire
Her weak limbs start to boil in anger
The girl she sees in the mirror, she hates hates hates
Can’t see the damage of her mind, the danger
The mirror cracks as she throws her fists
Against the reflection of the face she hates
Disgust and agony pour out of her eyes
Torturing herself as punishment; she won’t hesitate
The core of her mind is now corrupt
Everything that she sees becomes threat
The food at lunch? Her mothers dinner?
Just the thought of eating makes her upset
Because if she eats, she will get fat
And she won’t be skinny and pretty
And if she’s not pretty who will love her?
She just wants to be loved; is that too greedy?
Mar 6, 2017
Mar 6, 2017 at 10:30 PM UTC
We're too quick to judge
Rash/ Fowl/ Harsh
In our thoughts and words
Who are we to judge another
Soul/ Heart/ Mind
We're we not all children once?
Happy/ Hurt/ Hopeful
Slowly transforming into adults
Irrational/ Unreasonable/ Selfish
At times of Fear/ Doubt/ Hate
Let us remember
Love
Feb 27, 2017
Feb 27, 2017 at 9:51 AM UTC
Why am I afraid to try?
What can be the consequence of failure?
Disappointment?
Woe?
Dejection?
I speak as though it's permanent;
As if the rejection letter back from Harvard will forever define of me
As if my bruised face will eternally embarrass me from another fight
As if my voice cracking in the middle of a recital will forever
Keep me under my potential
Why do I say such degrading remarks?
"Oh I wish I was like you, i wish I wasn't me,
i wish I could have been someone else"
When there is no two person alike
Maybe that's why we crave to be under someone's shadow
Because we think that we don't deserve to have our own fingerprint
"Her fingerprint is so much more valuable"
"Her smile is worth more than mine"
There is no hand like mine
No soul that can shine
And can rejuvenate hearts and rekindle smiles like wine
No one person like me
Exists other than me
It's lonely and misleading
Because I'm the only one
To venture in life in my point of view
If I think about it, it's upsetting
No one can understand my heart
My wonders, dreams, secrets and thoughts
Other than me
We are the loneliest creatures we know
The only one of our kind exists
genetically so similar
But distinctly so different
Through our isolation and pains
We unite
Under one force of love and affection
We create the future
And to think I won't be part of this future
To think I'm not capable of any contribution
To the betterment of our society
When no one can see things the way I can:
How foolish
Feb 16, 2017
Feb 16, 2017 at 11:14 AM UTC
I remember the day I became a boy
From the small little kid I was
That transformation changed my life
For the better or worse
Who knows
It happened on the playground
While playing freeze tag
He grabbed my hand to run
But just a little too tight
And my heart went BADUMP
****** my hand back, froze on the spot
And he stopped running too
"What's wrong" he asked "are you ok?"
I wasn't feeling sick and I could count 1-10
But my heart was all confused
From then on I could never go back
To being some random kid
From now on I was a boy
With feelings, emotions and love
Soon to be a man.
Feb 14, 2017
Feb 14, 2017 at 2:14 PM UTC
I won't ever stop writing
For you
Because you make me hold my pen
It's true
Feb 2, 2017
Feb 2, 2017 at 9:45 AM UTC
Media told me to find the one
In the person who would be my lover
That my soulmate would be my husband
And quickly I must uncover
This soulmate within my boyfriend
Or any crush I would have
But no one told me my soulmate
Would be my best friend I had
Words are too light to hold our bonds
So we speak through sight
She looks into my eyes and sees my emotion
And gives me a coffee just right
The world we see is beautiful but dark
As we both talk of change
Together we hope to make a difference
Maybe fate can have that arranged
My closest friend and other half
Many memories we both been through
Forget my husband; he'll come later
Because friends can be soulmates too
Jan 27, 2017
Jan 27, 2017 at 12:49 PM UTC
My Music…
Will it reach them?
The vitality of my soul,
The epitome of my identity
Can they feel it?
Can it reverberate into the ears of the deaf?
Can it dye the eyes of the blind?
Can it tremble through the fingerprints of the heartless?
Can it be felt through all kind?
What I have to offer
Isn’t much but
If you can feel it
Taste my worth, my efforts, my spirit
Close your eyes from the flash of my strength
Then every bloodshed practice
Every grueling repeat
Every sip of bitter scalding tea
Will all be complete
After all, music is selfish
Played for the sake of yourself
To prove to others the effort you put in
Did not go to waste
With every practice
That annoys and aggravates
A trace of confidence stretches over
Knowing you tried while others didn’t
Purely to satisfy your thoughts
You continue to let loose feelings
Emotions all to vent and filter out
Into every precise note you hit
However, Music is selfless
Played for the listener's enjoyment
Their pleasure reciprocates your own
And fuels you to push through
It’s always dedicated to someone
In the corner of your heart
To the person who lights it up
And warms it from the inside out
Music is more beautiful when it’s made for you
Maybe it’s because you put a face
To the lighthearted tune that trickles into the room
And slips a smile in people’s face
And yet
To take the one thing I had to offer
Rip every painstaking stitch practice put in
God, you are cruel
Heartless
Evil
The gift you gave me, you ****** back
Just from one accident
Now what I have to give
Is nothing but rumors
I don’t want your facades
Your condolences
Your prayers
I wanted your admiration
Your praise
Your attention
I wanted my gift to be respected and acknowledged
But now
Instead of applause I get apathy
Instead of smiles I get sympathy
Instead of prizes I get pity
What am I without Music?
Nov 18, 2016
Nov 18, 2016 at 12:10 AM UTC
The hustle and bustle over
the bodies of the dead
The tossing and turning under
the spirits of living
Go ahead; live your life
As if no one was there first Before you
Feel important and do great things
With the last 80 year's you have
Travel as far and wide as you can
Through the whirls of the wild
And the depths of the desert
But you can't escape
Soon you'll be cordially welcome
To the cult of spirits down below
A forgotten existence, but new addition
To the Graveyard under the City
Oct 25, 2016
Oct 25, 2016 at 7:06 PM UTC