I've never truly loved anyone:
Not desperately, unconditionally, or with abandon
Yet, it is the one thing that plagues my mind
The one thing I want more than anything
I look around at the world passing by
Wondering if someone is out there
Someone who can love me
Desperately, unconditionally, and with abandon.
Apr 3, 2014
Apr 3, 2014 at 9:12 PM UTC
You're my cup of tea
Yet, I don't think you see me
You are not to blame
It's because I hide behind my shame
The real me is hidden
While the cover up is disease-ridden
I do try
Instead, I end up forcing a goodbye
The real me is not her
I am a chaotic, beautiful blur
Maybe if you could see the real me
We could be
t o g t h e r
Apr 3, 2014
Apr 3, 2014 at 8:33 PM UTC
The hatred rising.
Anxiety climbing.
Depression escalating.
Prayers ascending.
Staring down.
Tears falling.
Self-esteem lowering.
Hope diminishing.
This is the struggle between up and down.
Apr 3, 2014
Apr 3, 2014 at 8:08 PM UTC
“In the eyes of the beholder,” they say,
Beauty is found,”
But this beholder is in disarray,
Every calorie, every ounce, every pound
Seen through glasses in decay
“Unlovable” the voices yell
Confusion surrounds as lies become truth
Life is now a place of torture, a place called hell
My body is covered in battle wounds
Ugly, worthless, fat
These voices tell me
They don’t hold back
The remnants of the pain is all debris
Broken and alone
I cry out to no avail
Even in my sleep, I moan
Her soul is damaged and frail
Apr 3, 2014
Apr 3, 2014 at 8:07 PM UTC
Chaos abounds
Containing so many ups and downs
Time is conflicting
Though solitude is addicting
The circle in which we live,
Prodives a place to thrive
But life isn’t perfect
It is messy and imperfect
So, although chaos abounds
And there are ups... and downs
Time is wonderfully contradicting
And solitude is convicting.
Apr 3, 2014
Apr 3, 2014 at 8:06 PM UTC
“Why,” she asks through tear strained eyes.
Her heart and soul have been blinded by lies
“You’re not enough,” they scream.
Now she is left with broken self-esteem.
The little girl’s pain is silent.
Fear is the driving force of the tyrant
Crippled and lonely, she reaches out
But for someone to understand is a doubt
Questions of recovery plague
Everyone else sees her struggle as vague
Unable to comprehend, she hides
Never being allowed to confide
This is her fight; she does try
The continual defeat makes her cry
Because she knows she knows she will drown from the pain
Tears of anguish forever reign
Apr 3, 2014
Apr 3, 2014 at 8:02 PM UTC
I look around...
Nothing fits
How high the mound
Too deep of a pit
Is where I am
All alone
They say,
"Hold your own."
I smile and reply, "OK"
But I inwardly groan
Lost in a world
Of chaos and confusion
I lay on my side curled
Stuck in an illusion
Apr 3, 2014
Apr 3, 2014 at 8:01 PM UTC
The little black arrow slowly tips to the right,
Determining my fate, my amount of self-hate,
I want to be weightless, to be light
They tell me I am beautiful
but who can be that and be fat?
My idea of beauty resided in my struggle
I wanted to defy gravity,
I wanted my plight to end, but instead, I chose to be light
But now I only live in agony
The opposite, you see, occurred; my disorder made me heavy
Heavy with sadness, depression, and madness
All I wanted was to be weightless, to be light
Slowly murdering myself,
I landed just inches away from a grave...
I am lucky.
I made it through with few scars
I fought hard.
Now, I need not be light, but have delight
Apr 3, 2014
Apr 3, 2014 at 7:59 PM UTC