you think you understand me
because of the size of my home
that comes from my fathers money
you think i grew up privileged
harbouring a “normal” childhood
without any shortcomings.
what you don’t understand is the
abuse, emotional neglect and fear
experienced
at the hands of my angry father
that caused me to become this way.
you think i’m happy, normal even,
because i don’t talk about what goes on in my brain
the racing thoughts that consume me,
the trauma memory that replays in my head,
the suicidal thoughts, voices that repeat just do it over and over
and how i cry every time im alone in the bathroom.
i'm afraid to open up like i had in the past
because every single time ended in abandonment,
followed by slit wrists and regret.
but,
maybe one day i'll tell you all about it
and hope you stay.
Feb 1, 2022
Feb 1, 2022 at 1:26 PM UTC
collapsing
engulfed in flames;
entangled like a milky way
in the universe
at the thought
of losing him.
Sep 21, 2020
Sep 21, 2020 at 5:44 PM UTC
_thank you for ending us
when i didn't have the courage
to do it myself_
Sep 8, 2020
Sep 8, 2020 at 11:45 PM UTC
she is slowly losing herself
succumbing to the darkness
of her mental illness
she is plagued by
the chaos in her mind;
a constant struggle
between her sanity
and the bittersweet sadness
she had grown to adore
what a familiar feeling
this heart-wrenching despair
has turned out to be
Sep 8, 2020
Sep 8, 2020 at 3:00 AM UTC
if i had the choice
i would do it all again
just to experience
that first kiss
on the hospital bed
that first time
in the tent
the day i fell in love
with your eyes
and the way
they would scrunch up
when you smiled
i would go back to that time
when we were slowly
and innocently
falling in love
Jul 31, 2020
Jul 31, 2020 at 8:15 AM UTC
you are beautiful to me
a soul crafted
made of symphonies
although you hurt me
i am lucky to have met you
it was meant to be
Jul 31, 2020
Jul 31, 2020 at 8:11 AM UTC
i never thought i could love again
i never thought i would open up
and trust someone with my heart
but you took away the fear,
helped me strip away the walls
i opened my heart to you
i bore my soul
completely and fully
i trusted you to not break it
and i trusted you to stay
even when things got hard
10 months later
you broke it
into pieces
you broke my heart
and didn’t even
******* ask
if i was okay
Jul 26, 2020
Jul 26, 2020 at 6:20 PM UTC
i don’t want to leave
but
i gave so much of myself to you
i don’t know what’s left
of me and
i need to find
myself again.
Jul 26, 2020
Jul 26, 2020 at 6:17 PM UTC
we touched each other delicately
exploring every inch
of our hearts and the way
they would beat in sync
Jul 9, 2020
Jul 9, 2020 at 1:12 AM UTC
the song came on and i thought of you
and our first time together in the tent
and those first few times at your house
when we were first getting to know
each other's bodies and souls
my hands would trail up your bare chest
my lips pressed against yours delicately
i was exploring your body yet
i wanted to get to know
every inch of you:
your heart, mind and soul
Jul 9, 2020
Jul 9, 2020 at 1:12 AM UTC