You’re starving to be happy
but you’re not letting yourself
even come to the table.
It’s no one job to keep you happy.
That’s all on you
and right now, you’re not doing it.
You might be tired and exhausted,
but you have to find that little energy
and kick it on up.
But I think what happened was you got
used to being taken care of.
Someone made you happy.
You settled for that.
That's not bad but look
at you now.
You’re looking everywhere,
holding onto little instances
that rarely happen.
Remember that one time,
you did that one thing,
and you were happy,
for that one second?
Are you looking for a second
or a lifetime.
Aug 11, 2015
Aug 11, 2015 at 2:13 AM UTC
She writes in third person when she's hurt.
If she doesn't use "I" it never happened.
Although she hurts, it could never truly happen to her.
Jun 25, 2015
Jun 25, 2015 at 2:42 AM UTC
Is it too much to ask for a day to break apart.
A day to just stand in the shower with the water dripping down your face scrubbing your imperfection, your guilt and your fears?
To reach behind your ear of the ***** whispers that haunt you at night.
To rinse your eyes of a newfound reality that you haven't already justified.
To have it drop down your body tracing every scar, line and crack that has ever broken your heart.
To have it collect at the bottom of the drain, to never see again.
To say goodbye to your all time low.
To come to the realization that what's keeping you together is also falling apart.
The
Fear
Of
Falling
Apart.
Jan 31, 2014
Jan 31, 2014 at 3:08 AM UTC
I am not heartbroken.
I'm broken.
You see, you'd need a heart to have it be broken.
But the naive immature person that I am,
I flung it around like it were a dancing ribbon
And whatever it touched, I fell in love with it.
But the thing is,
I wasn't always like this.
I loved---foolishly
I got obsessed
Got attached
Got denied
I was denied the love I should of had.
Because I never felt wanted
I never felt
I felt
Unwanted.
My dad died when I was 11
But he was dead long before
Because he taught me the crucial thing about love--
You don't need love to have a family.
You don't need to have love.
You don't need to love
You don't need love
You don't love.
Don't love
The messy thing about love
Is you see it everywhere
Our world revolves around it
And maybe that's what's eating me inside.
I'm obsessing over love
I'm attached to love
I'm denied love.
I want someone to just hold my hand because they want to.
I want someone to kiss my eyes because they only want me to see the beauty in this world.
I want someone to laugh when I fall but gracefully pick me up and wipe me off.
I want someone.
I want.
I want to feel love.
I want to love.
I want love.
I love
Love.
Because without love--- I'm just a fool with a pen in my hand trying to find comfort in what I don't have.
Aug 15, 2013
Aug 15, 2013 at 11:55 PM UTC
I want to tell you a story
That not many know
It explains why I write
It explains how I grow.
My life was turned upside down when I lost my dad.
I lost my best friend
I lost a piece of me
I lost that when he died.
I find myself looking for him
As I stare at the mirror
I pull down my eye and I smile real wide
But I keep forgetting what he looks like.
The only time I find him
Is the only time I write
He's like my secret muse
He holds my hand as I write.
I write to show my emotions
You have to read between the lines
You have to listen to what I'm really saying
You have to close your eyes.
I relate every feeling to him
The sharp pain I had in my heart
The nights I screamed and I cried
Just to have him back
Bu just as fast as I let out the yell
My emotions became my own living hell
Because I didn't write them down
To see how I really felt.
So I write down my feelings
And I rhyme them just right
Or I write little stories of the wanderer in the night
Because I wander then I hide
And I take out a pen and cry
So you ask me why I write
and I smile because I know why
I write to stay alive.
I have a right to say goodbye
Because I have a right to still survive
Because I'm not done saying goodbye
Until I've made him immortal in my eyes.
Aug 11, 2013
Aug 11, 2013 at 5:27 PM UTC
If I could
I could change it all.
Won't let you fall.
Won't let you fall.
I'd start it again
Won't make the same mistakes,
Can you be my friend?
Can you be my friend?
I'll be stronger
Stronger I'll be
If I know that you're mine,
Please don't leave me.
Don't leave me.
Come with me,
I don't want to feel like I'm missing something
And you know how that feels.
Don't leave me in the cold
In the dark with no hope.
You know what it's like to never have
That chill go away.
I want to be warm
Covered in your arms.
To feel like a little kid
That believes no storm
Will rain on her parade.
You won't ever be sad.
Trust me you won't leave me
Because my feelings for you are
The strongest they'll be,
Tell me I'm yours and
Forever I'll be.
Jul 30, 2013
Jul 30, 2013 at 8:32 PM UTC
Thinking about you,
Don't know what else to do,
I don't want to move on
I don't want to leave you.
Let's pretend we're not far
We got just a few more days
'Till I get to hold you
And we'll be ok.
We don't have to worry
Cause I'm almost there
Please don't cry anymore
Cause we can cry together.
I don't want to say that
I don't want to believe
That we should be together
and
forget everything.
They don't understand us,
They just want to complain,
They can't deal with the new stuff
They won't deal with the change.
I got one thing to tell you,
I got one thing to say,
Let's forget about them,
Cause I'll Love You Anyways.
Jul 30, 2013
Jul 30, 2013 at 8:21 PM UTC
Some nights I like to take a drive.
A drive downtown and into the back roads.
To take a breath of the night sky
Trust me the air is different.
With every inhale there is this sense of hope.
Nothing you get during the day.
It's like this air is filled with your dreams just floating in the night sky, waiting for you to inhale it and remember what you really wanted to do with your life.
To look up to the stars and feel small again with the reassurance that this small town girl is nothing compared to the galaxy that lays above her head.
That fear of what lurks in front of you , because during the night you don't know what is staring back at you, what is waiting for you, what is watching you.
That sense of hope, that sense of fear, is what I go driving for in the midnight air.
Jul 29, 2013
Jul 29, 2013 at 12:45 AM UTC
As a kid
I didn't know what love was
But I knew what it wasn't.
It wasn't those late night fights
Of screaming and hollering
Or those door slamming
Or by the way he yelled he's done.
As a kid,
I didn't know what love looked like.
Love must have looked like late night parties
Of parents partying like they're teenagers
Drinking to forget their memories,
Their scars,
Their kids.
As a kid,
I didn't know love felt like.
It could have been a hit or a slap
Or the way he wrapped those cigarette stained
Fingers around my neck.
Or it could have been the tears rushing down
My face because for that moment
Something touched my skin so gently
My tears were my own way of saying
You're Okay.
I mistake kindness for bribery
I mistake a smile for a snake
But if I look hard enough
I'm sure I know what love is.
Love is asking how your day went
Holding your hand as you cross the road
Because he knows how distracted you get
When you start talking.
Love is calling cause they miss you
Hugging you when you're quiet.
I don't know a lot about love, but I know what it's not.
fictional poem
Jul 26, 2013
Jul 26, 2013 at 7:17 PM UTC
At some point in your life
You realize you didn't have
The best intentions
In the situation
And caused these useless tensions.
Where you could have lived without
But instead you lived with it.
Tried to justify your actions
Instead took your own little
Guilt trip.
So own up to what you did
And know that you did wrong
It's best to learn cause
In the end it'll make you strong.
And if it doesn't
And you get torn up
Then I guess it's Time that your life had a close up.
We live on change
We change everyday
So if you don't learn what you did
Then you'll always be stuck in yesterday, hoping for a new day but getting stuck in your old ways.
Jul 26, 2013
Jul 26, 2013 at 12:54 AM UTC