i used to be confident.
i used to be strong.
now i am nothing.
and everything is wrong.
Oct 31, 2013
Oct 31, 2013 at 12:36 AM UTC
sometimes i feel.
so myself, that i don’t even know who i am.
i am so content, with things going this way or that
that i don’t recognize this comfortability.
all i know is that i’m not uncomfortable with the facts, or the options.
it’s just a period with a bit of confuesness.
what else to do but wait.
it’s almost like a numbing sensation.
but it’s not- and it’s not that i feel, because i do, but i don’t.
and that is mostly what is going on.
Oct 1, 2013
Oct 1, 2013 at 2:34 AM UTC
I think the worst part about all this boy stuff is that I know I should go for it.
Just take the chance and see what happens.
Because I was down this path before,
and I went for it.
And, it didn't end up with daises and sunshine.
But I tried, and I had fun.
And understood why not after that.
Feb 26, 2013
Feb 26, 2013 at 1:39 AM UTC
What's worse than being lonely?
Being newly lonely.
I forgot how miserable that part was.
At least I've been lonely for so long, that the concept is not close to
unbearable,
unimaginable,
literally impossible to perceive in your mind.
At least I know I can live with it.
At least I'm not afraid of it.
Feeling lonely is inevitable.
Feb 12, 2013
Feb 12, 2013 at 2:34 AM UTC
Sometimes I get ****** into thinking about the past.
Mostly about you.
And how there are no words to describe what we had,
because we never spoke about it.
We talked about how we didn’t talk about it.
And even when things kept progressing, we still never really talked.
Part of me misses you, but I don’t miss that.
I start to look back and realize that you really were my best friend that year.
Heck, my only friend.
But then I have to remember that I was miserable and sad.
I was so unhappy with my life and how things were going.
And even though I had you, I didn’t really have you, because I never knew your mind.
I thought I did, at times, but I always knew there was much more.
I was young then.
Only a year younger than I am now, but it makes all the difference.
Or maybe just the experience has taught me to grow.
Either way, when I look back…
I just see two silly adolescents,
looking for something neither of us could ever completely find in each other.
You intimidated me, you scared me, but you were also the only comfort I had.
I didn’t know what to say to you, what to ask, what to talk about.
When I think about it, I don’t think you knew what to do either.
It’s like, we were both the mysterious type, the ones that people are drawn to.
But when you put us together,
we just waited for the other one to try to figure us out.
Maybe, though, we were also afraid we’d get too attached.
To find out we really had the world in common and then- nothing.
Only to end up hours and miles away.
We knew that’s how it would all end anyways.
I don’t know, this is all from my perspective.
Part of me wishes I had the confidence then, that I do now.
Part of me wishes I would have tried harder to open up with you.
But most of me knows I just couldn’t back then.
And realistically, most of me is glad I don’t have the conversations, too,
to remember you by.
Nov 9, 2012
Nov 9, 2012 at 1:38 AM UTC
once.
I knew you for a weekend.
Saw you once after.
You were attractive, yes.
And I enjoyed the conversations we had.
Our words went a little deeper than scratches at the surface.
The way we made each other laugh.
And your smile, it gave me tingles.
Strangers yet again.
but thanks to social media advancements,
I can see the songs you listen to.
And if you could just tell me why, why they’re so sad.
Eyes like those should smile.
Sending positive vibes your way my weekend pal.
And hoping our paths cross sometime again, too.
Oct 5, 2012
Oct 5, 2012 at 1:28 AM UTC
How do you do it?
Capture someone's stare
because you are vivid movement.
But how do you
capture someone's soul?
One person.
So insignificant to
the world.
Becomes everything
to another.
No one even tries.
(usually)
(kinda)
(well, you know)
To spark the interest in
someone's mind.
How can I?
Be so consumed by
thoughts of your existence.
How do we
fall in love?
What makes a
person so fascinating?
Why are we all so intrigued?
Aug 2, 2012
Aug 2, 2012 at 1:44 AM UTC
I think I have come to the point where my interest in you can’t thrive on nothingness.
And I know I’ve felt this way before, and before for you, but
this time I think this is it.
When feelings don’t reciprocate, they can’t survive.
And I can feel you slowly slipping away.
Jun 17, 2012
Jun 17, 2012 at 11:37 PM UTC
they said get comfortable
and I tried
that silence wasn't always bad
I learned to believe it
and as I did
it had consumed me
too comfortable with nothing
forgot to say something
so, silence.
more silence.
until the silence got so quiet
it disappeared
as did I
it was not loud
or tense
or comfortable
anymore
then I remembered
they said get comfortable
so I'm trying
May 8, 2012
May 8, 2012 at 7:39 PM UTC
I didn’t expect you to notice.
me. because i am gray and you are green.
I didn’t expect you to smile.
at me. because you are you, and i’m just me.
I didn’t expect you to speak.
to me. because you pour stories, and i am always dry.
I didn’t expect you to care.
for me. because i have never felt worthy.
I didn’t expect you to tell.
me. of your feelings, because i hadn’t a clue they existed.
I didn’t expect you to ask.
me. to stay over, every night after that.
but you did.
you made me feel more than just the possibilities in my head.
then without any words, you were done with me.
and i’m still trying here, to expect nothing.
Apr 4, 2012
Apr 4, 2012 at 6:03 PM UTC