i can’t control
when people leave.
i can’t control
whether he’ll love me.
i can’t control
who lives or dies.
i can’t control
their opinions.
i can’t control.
but I can control my body.
I can control my calories.
I can decide when to stop.
I can decide whether I live or die.
I am the only one
who has that control.
Sep 16, 2019
Sep 16, 2019 at 11:24 PM UTC
In just a moment
From a movie
To a panic
From wishing for nothing but you
To fearing you
That’s how it goes
Mar 3, 2019
Mar 3, 2019 at 12:54 AM UTC
lightheaded and weary,
we wander each other.
passionate and impatient,
we wait.
Mar 3, 2019
Mar 3, 2019 at 12:51 AM UTC
i don’t know what to do,
my mind won’t hold itself together.
i can’t numb myself,
that’s been done for me.
i can’t feel,
i’ve lost the bottle i’ve stored it all in.
i can’t picture where i’ll be in 3 years,
probably reborn again.
i’ve given up on reaching out for help,
it’s not like it’s worked before.
i genuinely cannot bring myself to want to stay,
instead i walk through my day in shame.
when will i feel?
when will i live?
when will i feel alive?
Mar 3, 2019
Mar 3, 2019 at 12:50 AM UTC
I can’t get the words out,
They’re weighing me down.
They’re fighting and pushing up my head.
I love you
I love you
I love you, but I’m drowning in the weight of you.
I see you holding back.
I see you fighting too.
And the hurt you feel, hurts me as well.
Seeing the cracks,
The bruises,
The scars,
It’s haunting me when I close the door.
I hurt on my own,
I hurt myself,
And my future.
You’re my reason.
I’m fighting, for you.
I’m living, for you.
I can’t be enough.
I can’t say enough.
I can never say the right thing,
And make it all better.
Our problems won’t disappear,
We can only put them off for so long.
But you my dear,
Will be my ticket to the show.
And I for you.
Mar 3, 2019
Mar 3, 2019 at 12:45 AM UTC
It starts with a slip,
A turn of the cheek.
Simply forgetting to fit,
A meal for your body to keep.
You see, at this point,
It isn’t really starving.
For I forget only when I’m not hungry.
But the problem is,
I’m so used to being hungry
That I can’t tell the difference.
I thought I was better,
Until my boyfriend asked why he’s never seen me eat.
Until I was asked when the last time I ate was.
Until I faint, and I’m reminded to eat.
But now when I eat,
I have an Apple.
But I get sick,
Because it was too much food.
I can’t keep anything down,
So I have no choice but to not eat.
And so the cycle repeats.
Aug 21, 2018
Aug 21, 2018 at 1:11 AM UTC
The siren.
Inviting,
Promising.
Ensuring happiness.
Guaranteeing joy.
Not until she traps you do you wish escape.
Not from what she promised, but from the pain she brought you.
But you've made a home for yourself here.
You've gotten comfortable in the habits she's given you.
But every time she comes to visit, something in your gut screams at you to escape.
No, literally. Your gut. Your stomach. Your intestines.
Your entire body becomes exhausted from chasing her promises.
Now, you've forgotten who you were before she trapped you.
You try and try for what feels like years to escape.
And finally you succeed.
You've successfully escaped the place you call home.
After time and time of being lured back to home, I've come to learn this sirens name.
She is what she does to people. To me.
Forces me to control what I eat.
Makes me second guess myself.
Track everything I eat and drink.
Make me guilty for eating something she doesn't like.
I won't bore you with more boringly grim details, just know,
She has sisters.
Please, don't make the mistake of trusting their promises.
Jul 27, 2018
Jul 27, 2018 at 12:13 AM UTC
im sorry
im sorry for the bottles of emotion ive kept hidden
im sorry for forgetting to call
im sorry for scaring you when darkness found me again
im sorry for always being too late, never too early, nor on time
im sorry I had to leave my shell behind
im sorry i can’t be strong for you. that i can’t stop relapsing.
im sorry
im sorry
Jul 27, 2018
Jul 27, 2018 at 12:11 AM UTC
Blackened hearts and sharpened tongues reside,
In the rotting corpse shells of these halls.
Preying on the weak, and going for the strike.
Mind numbingly following the herd, never even really awake.
Follow the leader, tag you’re it, Simon says, **** yourself.”
But does Simon really understand?
That the weight of those words is greater than his precious ego?
It’s easy to be a target when the bright fluorescents and cold linoleum leave you unguarded.
But Simon will never know that, will he?
He’s guarded by the maggots that feed off of his discarded victims.
Jul 8, 2018
Jul 8, 2018 at 12:10 AM UTC
hollow vase
empty soul
late cares
promises forgotten
mind a blank
everlasting void
Jul 8, 2018
Jul 8, 2018 at 12:07 AM UTC