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joshua-haines
joshua-haines
26/M/American Wear a mask.
A starter home on a frozen plain Located on the corner of drifted dreams and main Cigarettes and old ramen A *** for posture, a dish pile I hear the storm coming Have heard it for a while Lick me like the stamps on the letters to your ex-lover, Break me like the twenties you got from your mother. Abuse me like the creep you wish I was, Use me then lose me just because.
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Dec 1, 2023
Dec 1, 2023 at 10:58 PM UTC
Ashland
He was older than he felt but his accomplishments made him feel like he was trailing behind. Middle school said the next step mattered. High school said the next step mattered. College said your degree would matter. Here I am making your drink. Hey—did you hear? I’m selling salvation in a pamphlet. Oh—is it clear? I’m in cheap slacks on your cheap doorstep.   People are dying older. Politics keep getting bolder. Can’t afford my prescription refill. Sign me up for war. Use your ******* blinker. I’m only a season behind. He looked younger than he was, all just because he didn’t live life hard. Nothing wrong with that— some people say it’s lazy, while eroding their bodies. I thought that looks would matter. I thought wits would matter. That a career was just a ladder you scaled. Here I am managing pennies. There you are managing memories. Hope I can afford a vacation. Hey—did you hear? Your death won’t even be free. Oh—is it clear? You’re a tenant in your plot until the landlord forgets. People are getting older. Politics are getting bolder. Choosing insurance over groceries. Sign me up for Hulu. Five dollars on pump five. I’m only a paycheck behind.
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Oct 4, 2020
Oct 4, 2020 at 12:07 PM UTC
America, Allegedly the Beautiful
I’ve grown with little— primarily attention until it withered. An identity dependent on trends and demographic— trading vulnerabilities for Hollywood escapism. The brighter the light, the longer the shadow. Within circle aflame, reaching towards memory. Saint Fluoxetine, deliver me forward. Allow me happiness. Reveal to me my foibles so that I can admire.
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Jul 27, 2020
Jul 27, 2020 at 1:51 PM UTC
The New Shadows
Would you look for the atlantic coast Where your dad dropped you off and became a ghost Could you come and find that tree in red The one they found him under with the hole in his head
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Feb 19, 2018
Feb 19, 2018 at 7:59 PM UTC
Alexandria in Alexandria
Gangling ghosts cause trouble inside this meaty microwave-- I am on these streets and don't know how I got here. I'm carrying 2% milk, in my left hand, and a carton of extra-large eggs in my right-- I drop the jug and it bursts. I joke about how I still have 2%, but no one laughs because no one has ever really been around to hear me. So, I'm scrambling eggs and wishing I had that milk because who doesn't like voluminous eggs. I stop whisking and ask who is there. Why am I afraid of you, Why am I afraid of you the raw scrambled eggs on the floor, touched by ceramic seashells. And it's you. You are the Lord, a naked lover, that absence caused by my auto-pilot parents Forever, right here.
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Feb 12, 2018
Feb 12, 2018 at 12:04 AM UTC
Right Here
Upon a milky hill beneath the mounds of snow Frozen with the horn I took but was too afraid to blow Beyond the sound of muffling around the river’s bend Walked a true love of mine to whom I was a friend Come cast your voice yonder Your shrill towards the sky I hope for your hand in mine I am afraid to die
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Feb 1, 2018
Feb 1, 2018 at 1:31 AM UTC
Fear of the Fallen Sun
These hearts have become racist What used to be kind And all hope to be seen is wasted On the stampeding blind These teeth have become stained What used to be white Has been darkened by the viscera of those consumed by the night These hands have become destroyers Fingers that once saved Equal and human; Clean or depraved These hands have become destroyers I feel you chewing the limb that used to be there Your skin is under my nails You're burning my fingertips And pulling my teeth You strangle me deep among the sea of leaves Flashing advertisements in my eyes, Listening to my every word. You tell me I'm sacrificing for the greater good. But I feel submissive. I feel hateful. You say Eve is the reason for the downfall of mankind. She is nothing but of rib and even bone cracks. Saying this as you dislodge my jawbone. I try to argue with you, but my language is gone. You say that a dog is harmless if surrounded by fence. That the owner of the dog should pay for the fence. That the ***** could **** or produce pups that would **** I am still without words and losing copious amounts of blood. I am poor and no-one will acknowledge my death. I am someone people will forget died and will have to be reminded years from now, during a cook-out or amateur bowling tournament. My legacy is that of failure and being obliterated, justifiably so. These people look to money, to colors on fabric idols, to pages in a book written by share-croppers afraid of flooding. Remove me, so, to remember me for what potential may have existed. Kindly ignore that I never resisted, and that I, the apex of forevers, was always ungrateful. That I conformed and became deeply hateful.
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Jan 30, 2018
Jan 30, 2018 at 8:02 PM UTC
America in 4K
These hearts have become racist What used to be kind And all hope to be seen is wasted On the stampeding blind These teeth have become stained What used to be white Has been darkened by the viscera of those consumed by the night These hands have become destroyers Fingers that once saved Equal and human; Clean or depraved These hands have become destroyers I feel you chewing the limb that used to be there Your skin is under my nails You're burning my fingertips And pulling my teeth You strangle me deep among the sea of leaves Flashing advertisements in my eyes, Listening to my every word. You tell me I'm sacrificing for the greater good. But I feel submissive. I feel hateful. You say Eve is the reason for the downfall of mankind. She is nothing but of rib and even bone cracks. Saying this as you dislodge my jawbone. I try to argue with you, but my language is gone. You say that a dog is harmless if surrounded by fence. That the owner of the dog should pay for the fence. That the ***** could **** or produce pups that would **** I am still without words and losing copious amounts of blood. I am poor and no-one will acknowledge my death. I am someone people will forget died and will have to be reminded years from now, during a cook-out or amateur bowling tournament. My legacy is that of failure and being obliterated, justifiably so. These people look to money, to colors on fabric idols, to pages in a book written by share-croppers afraid of flooding. Remove me, so, to remember me for what potential may have existed. Kindly ignore that I never resisted, and that I, the apex of forevers, was always ungrateful. That I conformed and became deeply hateful.
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59
It becomes silent to where I can only hear the ringing in my ears. I am comfortable to the point where I feel no longer alive. There's a burden on my neck that causes me to slouch. And I eat and sleep throughout the years. And I add meaning to the days but they become contrived. I try with all my might to give life a good fight, but all I do is panic on my couch. Over success.
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Jan 30, 2018
Jan 30, 2018 at 7:32 PM UTC
Panic on the Memorial Day Sale Furniture
White Interceptors illuminate, cry, and leave ribbons of red and blue, accelerating north on Featherbed. Streetlamps hang like midnight ornaments. It starts to rain, turning the tar streets into slick mirrors. I can see my lights lead me, sweeping the asphalt. Kent is still too dangerous to gentrify. The trashcans are spilling cereal boxes and empty two liters. I imagine a two-thousand year-old mountain of trash, corroding and forming this neighborhood. Barefoot children walk around aluminum cakes, reaching for the rain. Skinny cats trot across the street, green and yellow eyes, leaking through the dark. I name them after sicknesses. The humming of my Camry grows louder as I squeeze by dripping, patting hands. I now recognize the moon. Buildings swoosh by faster and faster. Minutes go by and I find myself on the outskirts; the trees sway, dodging rain. My phone rings like a frenzied roach. Picking it up, 'Hello.' 'Sure. Yeah, I'll be right there. 'Nowhere. 'I'm going nowhere.' The phone bounces on the grey seat. A screeching. Coming to a stop; my chest almost touching the center of the steering wheel. All becomes still. A buck with velvet antlers stands in the rain. It runs into the dancing forest. Much like me.
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Oct 25, 2017
Oct 25, 2017 at 5:37 PM UTC
Short Cuts
The news needs my fear. I struggle to survive. Is it terrible that if I can't tell stories, I think I can't be happy. 3AM is the prime-time slot for the show, in my head, entitled, 'Thoughts About Dying' Starring, Attaching Sentiment To Anything is Absurdity. I wish I didn't have post-orgasm clarity. All my old friends are old friends. I miss my brothers. I miss my grandma. I miss having the wrong answers about death.
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Oct 10, 2017
Oct 10, 2017 at 3:58 AM UTC
3AM Thoughts About Dying