josef-wilhelm
Canadian
My name is Josef.. I began my writing when i was 21 and have never really stopped.. I write fact and fiction but names will never be said. All of my poems are from my soul so I hope you love them as much as i do. Some obviously were written in 5 minutes, but some were worked on much longer. Thanks.
I feel like dying, but I'm trying.
I'm so tired of this anger.
You get mad at me, think I'm lying;
always feel like I'm in danger.
Your inventions of intentions
never matched my thoughts inside.
Did you ever think to mention
when you noticed we had died?
I got these daggers in my back,
but my pride is still intact.
Let's stay together for the kid,
always trying to fix it.
Broken pieces on the floor —
push myself against the door.
Now I'm begging you for more:
forgive, restart it.
I think I'm dying; I'm going crazy.
You think I'm lying — I'm not lazy.
I'm just tired from this fighting.
You're a liar, so stop waiting.
So I'll use my ***** pen
to spill my hurt upon this paper.
The fighting starts again,
so my heart begins to waiver.
I'm on the edge again;
you're not listening.
I feel like falling, but I'm standing.
I'm so tired — my love is gone.
You yelled at me; I'm withering.
I won't miss you; you're not the one.
Your inventions of intentions
never matched my thoughts inside.
Did you ever think to mention
when you noticed we had died?
Doesn't matter if it's verbal;
keep thinking it is all my fault.
We keep fighting in a circle —
locked my heart inside a vault.
Won't you please just hear me out?
Your voice is always full of doubt.
Please don't make me have to shout;
I can't restart this.
I think I'm dying; I'm going crazy.
You think I'm lying — I'm not lazy.
I'm just tired from this fighting.
You're a liar, so stop waiting.
So I'll use my ***** pen
to spill my hurt upon this paper.
The fighting starts again,
so my heart begins to waiver.
I'm on the edge again;
you're not listening.
I will stand up, drink from this cup.
I regret this situation.
You can walk away — don't play cleanup.
Let's get out of this sick rotation.
Your inventions of intentions
never matched my thoughts inside.
Did you ever think to mention
when you noticed we had died?
I got these daggers in my back,
but my pride is still intact.
Can't stay together for the kid;
aren't trying to fix it.
Left the pieces on the floor —
now I'm going out the door.
I'm not begging you for more;
I won't restart it.
I think I'm dying; I'm going crazy.
You think I'm lying — I'm not lazy.
I'm just tired from this fighting.
You're a liar, so stop waiting.
So I'll use my ***** pen
to spill my hurt upon this paper.
The fighting starts again,
so my heart begins to waiver.
I'm on the edge again;
you're not listening.
No...
you're not listening.
No...
you're not listening.
No...
you're not listening.
Sep 25, 2025
Sep 25, 2025 at 7:27 PM UTC
On this day of December
Forgotten thoughts I remember.
I think of the joy that I attained
But still deal with pain that remains.
I feel I went from
Boy to man
I found out I can tell myself
Yes you can
Accomplishments can be made
My heart can be saved
My perspective can be changed
I thought I knew these things before
But I was still behind a door
So I will continue to grow inside
Admit my faults and swallow my pride
I've had good times and bad
So happy, yet sad
If you forgive yourself
Things will change
Happiness will no longer
Feel so strange
For my own values
My self worth
My family
Are the most important things in life
Because on this day of December
I remembered
Love.
Dec 26, 2014
Dec 26, 2014 at 1:28 AM UTC
Lately all I can think about
Is what is truly real
Or just my perspective?
All I can dream about
Is reality, or what it seems to be
What is an illusion?
I can hear nature speak
Trees whisper, and cackle
Leaves giggle, and crackle
The ocean breathes, and sings
Birds dance and fly with their wings
I can feel the colours of different people
I can see the pain that people carry
Only to wish I could relieve them
But I can only support and believe
Everything will be okay
My attitude affects me
My mood, my fortune
The food I eat determines
my feelings and emotion.
I'll continue to look inside
To grow and learn
Love is truly what I yearn
The answers aren't always in the past
Or even the future.
Reality is inside us, around us
Now and eternally to last
I am unfolding a map
Of my soul and what it means
To truly understand
The Truth.
Mar 28, 2014
Mar 28, 2014 at 11:15 PM UTC
My demon, what happened to you.
You used to be oh so sweet.
Kiss me good night to sleep.
Tell me life is grand and help me understand.
Why life is worth living for.
Why smiling is important.
Why I am so great.
Now all I do is wait.
For your call of insecurities.
For you to tell me you're all right.
For you to come back home.
Please tell me, what happened to you.
My angel.
Nov 21, 2013
Nov 21, 2013 at 8:21 PM UTC
My heart struggles.
Day after day.
For something I cannot control.
Lies are told through you.
And by you.
Some are yours and some are his.
Yet they are hard to distinguish.
I can hear you crying.
When you aren't even here.
I can feel you aching.
Every bone in your body.
I can see you trying.
But continue to lock yourself away.
So be free.
Be you.
Set sail.
And head for land.
I can't tell you which way to go.
You cannot hear me.
I'll never understand why you act this way
But I'll be waiting.
We will all be waiting for you.
When you return.
Nov 21, 2013
Nov 21, 2013 at 8:20 PM UTC
And if you only knew what I know.
Then maybe you'd be happy.
Maybe you would realize.
How much you hurt me.
How much you're presence stings.
How much I love you.
Only if you knew what they know.
How they think.
How much we miss you.
How much you could actually live.
If only...if only..
You would just leave us alone.
And come back a person.
Come back a mother.
Come back a sister.
Come back a daughter.
Just leave the wife behind.
Let my soul rest.
Instead of waking up
in the middle of the night.
Just to hurt.
Just to cry.
Just to mourn.
Your life that you do not live.
Your love that you could have.
It's right here in front of you.
But its like everything is transparent.
And you are just wandering
Through out your own abyss.
So please...
Please..
I feel like a broken record.
Nov 21, 2013
Nov 21, 2013 at 8:19 PM UTC
The shadows of the distant past
skewer across the expression of her face.
Scars of passionate darkness
are reminded every turn she makes towards the light.
As small as she feels she calls out for help
silently hoping faith can over come the fear.
But the fear is strong and deep inside her bones
sinking ever deeper beyond comprehension.
Char coals and the fires of hate for oneself
are burning inside her sanctuary.
There are holes in her safety net
and no one speaks her language,
so the calls will never be heard.
And now as she feared in the end she drowned
in her own hatred left breathless
to die inside her own self worth.
Nov 21, 2013
Nov 21, 2013 at 8:19 PM UTC
Once I fell upon your message.
The voice I heard was from a wreckage.
Trembling and weak, hollow and sad.
Heart was racing, mouth frowning and mad.
My heart was split with untold pressure,
And my fist began to shake.
Why must he break her?
A demon she shall take.
Come back to me and follow.
Take my hand and swallow
those happy pills I always have.
I know you have this smile you gave me.
I know you can be who you say you are.
I know I can be there for you,
but it's up to you to take me.
Sweet angel you are my only hope
I pray upon you every day.
Grow some wings and fly away.
Shine and glisten in the sun.
Your happy and you finally won.
Some pride along to help you find
Yourself again that has been lost.
Nov 21, 2013
Nov 21, 2013 at 8:18 PM UTC
Why must you hurt me so?
Make me feel this pain,
That you feel every day.
How can you push it upon me?
When it is not mine for the taking.
I write to release,
but you want to break my pen.
How will I ever grow?
If you are on top of me
smothering me from my own reality.
Holding me back from who I am.
You hurt and cry for yourself.
So why must I still cry for you?
I cry for me
Because I will not become numb
and cold as ice.
The way I used to be
in my youth.
When my eyes are closed
I see you
hating you
feeling sorry for yourself.
But I will not hate me
Ever again.
Nov 21, 2013
Nov 21, 2013 at 8:17 PM UTC
Mother, why are you fading here?
Why are you begging fear
To bother everyone that is near?
So stop waiting to disappear.
I puncture every pain I have.
You smother every day that I have
Oh Father, catch me when I fall
And I finally ended the call.
Oh yeah...I ended the call.
Oh yeah... ended the call.
Oh no...ended the call.
Oh no...
I've never cried so much in my life.
I've never tried to keep myself alive
And bleed, bleed, bleed the pain away.
You keep, keep, keep him far away.
A child continues to play along,
Smile boy why don't you play a song
With your toy-box open for all to see.
Won't you ever, please forgive me?
Oh ya..please for give me.
Oh ya..Please forgive me.
Oh no...You won't forgive me.
Oh no.. you won't forgive..
Oh Mother, don't you be afraid.
This is how our dreams are made.
Soon you'll see it upon my face.
So just do this at your own pace.
And nothing ever will be erased.
And you can never ever be replaced.
And I will stay here until the day you .
Finally see the expression on your face..
Oh yeah...expression on your face..
Oh yeah..expression on your face..
Oh no...what you need to face.
Oh no.. you're turning me away.
Mother, what are you doing here?
Why won't you go and face your fears?
Why are you never leaving here?
Still waiting to disappear.
Why can't I ever close the door?
Why am I still begging you for more
Of this pain that no one could ignore?
I see you laying quiet on the floor.
Oh no...I see you on the floor.
Oh no..I see you on the floor.
Oh no..stop begging him for more.
Oh yeah...I finally closed the door.
Finally closed the door.
Finally closed the door.
There's nothing I needed more.
Than to close that heavy door.
Nov 21, 2013
Nov 21, 2013 at 8:16 PM UTC